Horn Jokes

131 horn jokes and hilarious horn puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about horn that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy a hearty laugh with this collection of jokes about horns of all kinds, from a French horn to a train horn, a cow horn to a shoe horn, even a eunuchorn and a unicorn horn. Plus, you'll get to learn about the traditional Scandinavian lur horn. Nothing like a good foghorn joke to start off your day.

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Funniest Horn Short Jokes

Short horn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The horn humour may include short hone jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns? One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'
  2. I wish life was more like hockey... Who doesn't want a horn to sound when their period ends?
  3. Why do farmers put bell on their cows? Because their horns don't work.
    (From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)
  4. What's the smallest unit of time in the known universe? The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.
  5. What do you call a horse with the horn? A unicorn. What do you call a horse without the horn? A eunuchorn.
  6. Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work
    8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here
  7. A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks… He called it "Beep Repaired."
  8. If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets. I'd hate to toot my own horn
  9. Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
  10. What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates? Doctors without boarders.

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Horn One Liners

Which horn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with horn? I can suggest the ones about throat and hoot.

  1. {air horn sound} {second air horn sound}
    Me: this isn't deodorant
  2. What do you call a unicorn that's had its horn removed. Eunuchorn
  3. Why do cows wear bells? because their horns don't work.
  4. My daughter just made this one up… What do you call a unicorn with two horns? A goat.
  5. I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.
  6. I can put both of my legs behind my head. Y'know, not to toot my own horn or anything.
  7. What do you call an animal that got its horn cut off ? A Eunuchorn
  8. What is special about unicorns? Their unique horns.
  9. What do you call a cheap trumpet? A frugal horn
  10. What do you call a battle where the only weapons are truck horns? A fight to the deaf!!
  11. What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck,
  12. What happened to the jazz player whose wife left him? He had to toot his own horn.
  13. Which mythical creature has the hardest time reproducing? A Unic- horn.
  14. What happens when you cross a rhinoceros with a dolphin? You get horn-ee-ee-ee-ee
  15. What do you call a unicorn that had its horn cut off? A eunuchorn!

Car Horn Jokes

Here is a list of funny car horn jokes and even better car horn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Daddy, what are all those cars' horns honking for? It's for a wedding son.
    I thought the horn was supposed to be only used as a warning.
    Exactly son.
  • What does the mechanic say after he's fixed your car's horn? Beep repaired.
  • What song did Scar sing when he fixed his car horn? Beep repaired...
  • When was the first car horn used? Exactly 0.001 seconds after the first traffic light turned green.
  • What is a NYC nanosecond? If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.
  • What does the horn sound like on a marshmallow car? Peep. Peep.
  • Horn and wedding Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?

    Because there's a wedding going on.

    But isn't the horn a warning signal, Mommy?

    Exactly, son.
  • A Jamaican is sightseeing in Egypt. A vehicle drives by, beeping its horn. "Coo yah!" he says. "It's tootin' car, mon!"
  • I changed my car horn to gunshots People get out of the way much faster now
  • Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.

Cow Horn Jokes

Here is a list of funny cow horn jokes and even better cow horn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do cows wear bells? Why do cows wear bells?

    Their horns don't work.
  • How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? The bull has horns, and the cow is the udder one.
  • Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
    A: Because the cows have horns.
  • Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't make any noise
  • Which cow needs to wear a bell? The one whose horns don't work.
  • Q: Why does a cow wear a bell around its neck?
    A: Because its horns don't work.
  • And is why cows wear bells Do you know why cows wear bells?. Its cause their horns arent working.
  • Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
    Because their horns don't work.
  • Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
    A: Because the cows have horns.
  • Why are barns so noisy? All the cows have horns
Horn joke, Why are barns so noisy?

Unicorn Horn Jokes

Here is a list of funny unicorn horn jokes and even better unicorn horn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What has one horn and isn't magic? A dead unicorn.
  • Where do unicorns like to drink? The horn pub!
  • Why are giraffes real but unicorns aren't? What's more believable a horse with a horn or a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot neck?
  • what do you call a unicorn with 2 horns and 2 tails? bizarre.
  • Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
  • What do you call a Unicorn with his horn cut off? a e**...-horn! :D
  • What do you get if you remove the horn from a unicorn? A e**...
  • What happens when a unicorn loses its horn? He becomes a e**....

Rhino Horn Jokes

Here is a list of funny rhino horn jokes and even better rhino horn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two big, strong, grey animals are talking to each other... Animal 1: Hey, you realize we have horns on the top of our heads right?
    Animal 2: Rhino
  • What's the diagnosis for an animal with a horn and a major drinking problem? Rhino's Cirrhosis
  • "Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"
    "We know you know the answer, s**..., but it's not your turn."
  • What do you call a rhino with no t**...? A e**... horn.

French Horn Jokes

Here is a list of funny french horn jokes and even better french horn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better.
  • What do you call someone who teaches people how to play the French horn? A tooter.
  • How do you make a t**... sound like a French Horn? Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
Horn joke, How do you make a t**... sound like a French Horn?

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Horn Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about horn you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make horn pranks.

A note to the guy behind me driving to work this morning.

Dear guy behind me driving to work this morning,
Don't get mad at me for driving the speed limit. It's there to keep people safe!
And don't get mad at me for not getting out of your way. You don't own the road!
And don't ever flash your lights and honk your horn at others to make them move...geez. Such a rude ambulance driver!

What did Who the clown use as his clown horn?

Who nose?

It was an accident

A father is driving with his young son who is asleep when he bumps the horn, waking his son. The father apologizes, saying it was an accident. The boy tells him he knows it was, to which the father asks how he knew it was an accident. The son replies "well you didn't yell d**... when you honked"

What do you call a white guy with an air horn?

A h**...

Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel?

She was trying to blow the horn

What do you call a reuben sandwich with a horn?

A rye-nocerous

What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money?

A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.

Two friends are in a bar when suddenly the towns fire horn sounds

the one friend jumps up and heads towards the door.
"I didn't know you were a fireman!" the friend says.
"I'm not," says the other, "my girlfriend's husband is!"

Not to toot my own horn but..

I got my bottom 2 ribs removed

Why is Boromir such a hit at o**...?

Because when he blows his horn everyone comes ;)

What do you call a guy with no nuts and a horn on his head?

A eunucorn.

How do you wake up a loafer?

With a shoe horn.

New York City is the only place where sound travels faster than light.

I always hear the horn before the light turns green.

Why did the general order his soldiers to blow a horn as they charged the enemy?

It was strategically sound.

A Man from Cape Horn

There once was a man from Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born.
And he wouldn't have been
if his father had seen
that the end of the rubber was torn.

Sound travels faster light...

Because you can hear the BMW drivers horn before you see the traffic light turn green.

what does a hornet an rain gear have in common?

Yellow jacket

Why did CNN report on horn poachers in South Africa?

because they were breaking gnus

Why did the Trumpeter get in trouble?

He got caught tooting his own horn.

A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...

When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"

So Velma and Shaggy, your in the final round and this is the £10000 question, name a animal that has a single horn

Yes s**... Doo, I know you know but you were knocked out in the last round.

If the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound

Then how come I hear the horn way before the light turns green?

At 1:58 two young girls ran out in front of my car, so I slammed on my breaks and honked my horn. On the other side of the road behind the wheel was an African activist, who had to slam on his breaks to avoid hitting a pair of young girls as well.

Desmond Tutu tooted two too, at two to two.

I have this sticker on my car

"Use your horn if you think i am s**..."
Sometimes i stop the car when the traffic light is green until I am happy enough.

I don't wanna blow my own horn....

But I am really flexible

There's a new way to measure time faster than the speed of light

It's the time from a red stop light turns green and the BMW behind you honks his horn.

*Air horn screams out from the bathroom* ... a few seconds pass ... *Air horn screams again*

Me: "Wait, where's my deodorant?"

I tell you, my wife is never wrong. Last week she drove into a tree.

She says it wasn't her fault, she blew the horn.

My 79 year old friend:

Some one honked at him and he yelled your horn blows better than your mother!

I'm pretty good at . . .

Tooting my own horn.

Roy Horn is not longer with us...

He has vanished.

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I?


What did the colonial powers say to the Horn of Africa?

'I'm coming for Djibouti'

Gabriel's Horn is a geometric figure formed by rotating f(x)=1/x about the x axis. It has finite volume, but infinite surface area.

This is the complete opposite of the Vuvuzela, which has a finite surface area, but infinite volume

Everybody knows that a cornucopia is also called a "Horn of Plenty" but do you know its other name?

A Snaxaphone.

My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."

John brings his car into a mechanic for an inspection

Mechanic: Everything seems to be working OK, except your car horn is broken.
John: No, it's not broken, it's just indifferent.
Mechanic: What do you mean, indifferent?
John: Well, it just doesn't give a hoot…

h**... shrimp

What do shrimp watch when they're h**...?

What does a h**... frog say


Why did the blonde get lipstick all over the steering wheel?

They were trying to blow the horn.

I snuck up on my roommate and had a horn sound on my phone ready to play, and I turned the volume way up.

I pressed play, only to find that I had forgotten to remove my headphones.

What has two horns like a rhinoceros, four legs like a rhinoceros, a tail like a rhinoceros, looks just like a rhinoceros, but is not a rhinoceros?

A picture of a rhinoceros.

the boy scout

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "The horn quit working on my car," the guy tells the bartender. "I was going to take it to the shop, but this boy scout down the road said he fixed cars as a hobby and offered to do it. Hey, here he is already." The boy scout walks into the bar and hands the car keys back to the guy. "Beep repaired," the boy scout says.

I'm a truck driver, and today I saw a homeless woman holding up a sign that said please help, I am deaf .

My air horn disagreed

A rookie cop is at an intersection.

While he's at the red light, he sees a street sign that reads: WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS
A few seconds later he notices a lady walking across the street along the zebra crossing. He honks his horn to stop her, rolls down his window and asks: Ma'am, are you a pedestrian?
The woman, confused at the purpose of the cop's question, replies yes, officer.
The cop proceeds to take out his pen and notepad and promptly asks So, which part of Pedestria are you from?

Horn joke, What do you call a horse with the horn? A unicorn. What do you call a horse without the horn?

jokes about horn