horizontally Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious horizontally puns

You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally.

Do it when you are offered food


A plane has a horrible accident...

...and is split in half horizontally. Everyone is holding onto the oxygen masks above with their legs dangling in the air.

The captain shouts to the passengers, "We can make it, but the weight's off - at least one person needs to let go or else none of us will make it!"

Willing to die for a good cause, a young man shouts "I will sacrifice my life for all of you!"

Everyone claps.


Two blondes solving a crossword

Two blondes are spending some time together, the one is watching TV while the other struggles with one particular crossword question for some time now...
After a while she decides to ask her friend for help..
- Do you know the answer to the clue "Female sex organ"?
-- Hmmmm. Horizontally or vertically?
- Horizontally
-- Oh yes! "Mouth"


What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?

A rook moves horizontally and vertically.
A bishop molests altar boys.


Hey Baby are you Rockefeller?

Because I think we should Horizontally Integrate.


Terrorists have been saying they'll horizontally expand images of their foes.

The threat is being blown out of proportion.


Sailor in the Movie Theatre. This is an original, edits are welcome

A woman enters a cinema. A man takes a seat directly in front of the woman. The man continuously moves his body side to side horizontally. As the movie starts playing, the man continues moving side to side annoying the woman he sat in front of.

The woman taps on the man's shoulder and asks, "Why are you swinging side to side? I can't see the film!"

The man responds, "I'm a sailor! I'm used to moving side to side."

The woman snarls and moves to the open seat in front of the sailor. She begins to continuously move up and down vertically.

The sailor taps on the woman's shoulder and asks the woman, "Why are you moving up and down? I can't see the film!"

The woman replies, "I'm a whore! I'm used to moving up and down."


How does Jesus pull mad bitches?

Because he's hung like this! ( extends both arms horizontally)


I am not fat...

I am just horizontally challenged ... or gravitationally significant.


If our ass was split horizontally

It would clap when we run down the stairs


My mom asked me how I slept...

I replied, "Horizontally."


Two men are solving a crossword puzzle.

- Is it a women's sex organ?
Do you write the answer horizontally or vertically?
- Horizontally.
- Write: mouth!


Girls should eat bananas horizontally

So that they don't make bad habits


The chess player moved his horizontally moving piece wrong.

What a rookie mistake.


What are the most funny Horizontally jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Horizontally? Well, here are the best Horizontally dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Horizontally pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes