Hops Jokes
97 hops jokes and hilarious hops puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hops that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From brewmasters to beer lovers alike, you won't want to miss out on this compilation of hilarious hops jokes! Pull your favorite brew and check out these gags guaranteed to make you smile and laugh. Get ready to experience humor that is sure to quench your thirst for a good laugh!
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Funniest Hops Short Jokes
Short hops jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hops humour may include short hopped jokes also.
- A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."
The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!" - A photon checks into a hotel. The bell hop asks "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies "No I'm traveling light." - I used to date a girl who had one leg and worked at a brewery... She was in charge of the hops...
- No wonder fortnite is so popular among school children Who doesn't love hopping off the bus and shooting everybody in sight?
- The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- How does a grasshopper like to celebrate the arrival of spring? By hopping into the season with joy!
- What does a bunny say when it hops into a garden on the spring equinox? "Lettuce celebrate spring!"
- The hitchhiker A guy with 3 eyes, one leg, and no arms is hitchhiking. Suddenly a nice English gent pulls over and says "eye, eye, eye, you look 'armless, hop in."
- Why is hip hop popular among urban youth? because it's the only time a black man can tell a crowd of white people to put their hands in the air.
- I went to the gym this morning and hopped on the treadmill People started giving me funny looks, though, so I decided I'd better jog instead.
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Hops One Liners
Which hops one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hops? I can suggest the ones about beer hop and bunny hop.
- I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery She was in charge of the hops
- What's a spring flower's favorite type of music? Tulip-hip hop!
- What do you call a group of Bunnys hopping backwards? A receding hair line
- Why did the bunny work in the brewery? he knew a lot about hops
- What's a frog's favorite drug? Croakaine. Explains why they're hopped up all the time
- What kind of music to chiropractors listen to? Hip hop.
- My Hip Hop name is DJ Green Onion. But you can call me Rapscallion.
- What do you call a one legged rapper? A Hip-Hop artist
- What do you say to a one-legged hitch hiker? Hop in!
- Why do frogs taste like beer? They're full of hops
- What did the bus driver say to the one-legged man? Hop on.
- What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line.
- What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line
- What do you tell a hitchhiker with one leg? Hop in
- Why do one legged people like beer? Because it's made with hops.
Beer Hops Jokes
Here is a list of funny beer hops jokes and even better beer hops puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- my friend fed me rabbit for the first time and I told him it tasted like beer. Must've been from all the hops.
- Did you hear that the beer brewing Company got a new Brewer? He's only got one leg and is in charge of hops
- What is the difference between a Greek spearman and a pale beer? One is hoplite, and the other a light hops.
- Why do frogs taste like beer? Because of all the hops
- Why do frogs taste similar to beer? Because of the hops.
- Why do rabbits love beer? Because it's made of hops.
- Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos? Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
- why didn't the rabbit like his beer? not enough hops
- What about that new beer... by Peter Cotton Ale? It's made with more hops!
- What do rabbits use to make beer? Bunny hops
Ridiculous Hops Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about hops you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hoop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hops pranks.
Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...
The vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the guy, "How can you so sure? I'd like a second opinion."
The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up and whines sadly.
I'm afraid it's confirmed says the vet. The guy looks at the vet and says But my 5 year old daughter loves this parrot! Please! Are you 100% sure?
The Vet replies We can do one final test . He whistles again and a cat comes into the room and springs up onto the table. T he cat walks up and down the table looking intently at the parrot, then meows sadly and leaves.
"Well I'm terribly sorry Mr Jones but there can be no doubt about it. Polly is dead."
"Well, it's terrible news. Thank you for your time. How much do I owe you?"
"That comes to eight hundred pounds please."
"What?" cried the man in shock, "Why so much?"
"Well" Said the Vet, "Quick, accurate diagnoses don't come cheap. Ordinarily it would nearer to two hundred. What pushed the price up was the Lab report and Cat scan!"
A grasshopper hops into a bar.
The bartender turns to him and says,
"Hey, you're quite a celebrity, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks at him surprised, and says,
"You have a drink called Steve?"
Tense, moody joke
Guy lands at Logan, hops a cab, and says to the driver, "Well now that i'm in Boston, where can I get scrod?" Cabbie says, "You know, I've heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."
A lady was driving along the highway...
...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'
r**... son Jedidiah returns from college for the summer
He hops on a plane and arrives at the airport where his dad is waiting on him.
Daddy: Hey, Jed! Good to have ya back in town.
Jedidiah: Glad to be back, daddy.
Daddy: So tell me. What did ya learn there at college?
Jed racks his brain and decides on his memory.
Jedidiah: Pi r^2
Daddy: What are they teaching you in college? Pie are round!
21, 21, 21
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."
One hundred year old man propositions a p**......
A 100 year old man propositions a p**... on the street. She is doubtful he can even get it up but she takes him to a motel room, undresses and hops in bed.
The old man shuffles to the foot of the bed and pulls out a cotton ball and a c**.... He tears the cotton ball into four equal pieces, methodically putting one piece in each nostril, and one piece in each ear.
Before he puts the last piece of cotton in his ear, the p**..., asks him, Honey, why did you put that cotton in your nose and ears?
The old man put the last bit of cotton in his ear and started strapping on the c**... and then replied to her question, There are few things I can't abide, one is the smell of burning rubber, and the other is the sound of a screaming woman!
comment: this may be a common joke. I don't tell them much or collect them. It's 20 years old at least. Heard it when I was 17.
Reading Too Far Into It
A woman decides to surprise her blind boyfriend on his birthday by having herself vajazzled in Braille.
She goes to her salon and gets a full wax, the salon girl glues the sequins around her c**... according to her careful instructions, and she rushes home and hops into bed. She calls her boyfriend and hears his cane clicking up the stairs.
"Get into bed," she says (all s**...), "I have a surprise for you."
He strips and slips between the sheets. She takes his hand and places it on the first letter on her c**....
He reads the message. Then he reads it again. And again. He gets this puzzled look on his face. "Did I spell it wrong?" the woman asks.
"Well, I can read HAPPY, and I can read BIRTHDAY", says the guy, "but I'll be d**... if I know what it says between the brackets."
A duck walks into a bar, hops up on the bar, waddles down to the bartender, and asks...
... "Got any quackers?"
The barman looked at the duck for a second, then said "No, Besides, you're a duck. It's a health code violation for you to be in here, so get out before I call animal control."
The duck leaves, but comes back the next day. Same situation: "Got any quackers?"
"Look you s**... feathered, I told you yesterday that I don't have any, and you need to leave. If you come back again, I'm going to nail your bill to the bar."
The duck comes back the next day and approaches the bartender.
Duck: "Got any nails?"
Barkeep: "Uh, no."
Duck: "Got any quackers?"
A Dog Walks Into Bar...
A dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve dogs in here," pulls out a p**... and shoots the dog in a hind paw. The dog hops yelping out of the bar.
The next day the dog walks back into the bar with a huge bandage on his hind foot. He's wearing a ten-gallon hat and has a six-gun on each hip.
He looks at everyone in the bar and says...
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
How do bunny rabbits like their beer brewed?
With lots of hops!
I just learned that you can get drunk from Kangaroo meat!
I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all the hops.
So my son came home drunk at 2am.
I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."
EDIT : Apostrophe
A grasshopper hops into a bar...
The bartender sees him and says "Hey, we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper looks up and says, "You have a drink named Murray?"
I rolled my first joint last night!
Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
What is a toad's favorite kind of beer?
One with a lot of hops.
Buffalo Hunt
Two Native American scouts are hunting buffalo in the Great Planes. One scout hops off of his horse and puts his face to the ground, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Buffalo come!", he exclaims as he lifts his head.
"Did you hear them?", asks the mounted scout.
"No," grunts the man, "face sticky."
Why do white boys love IPAs so much?
The hops make up for the fact that white boys can't jump.
A koala walks into a barber shop
A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"
Why are bunnies so good at brewing?
Cause beer is made with hops.
Why don't rabbits like beer?
Because it messes with their hops
A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse
A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse through the middle of the desert. All the sudden the indian tells the cowboy
"Wait, stop!"
The cowboy stops the horse. The indian hops off, puts his ear to the ground and says
"Buffalo come"
The cowboy, shocked, says "Wow! How do you know?!"
The indian looks up at him and says
"'cause ground sticky"
Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making f**... engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
A grass hopper hops into a bar
The barman says: "Hey we've name a drink after you!" The grasshopper replies "You have a drink named Steve!?"
A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.
He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want to do next?" She replied "Get weighed" again. At this, the guy skips the rest of the fair and drops the girl off at her house. Her mom comes out and says "How was your date?" The girl replies "Wousy".
A string walks into a bar, hops on a stool & orders a beer; bartender says,
"We don't serve strings in here. You're gonna have to leave."
String replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
Why does the Easter Bunny drink IPAs?
He loves the hops.
A priest and a minister were golfing...
...when the minister swung and hit a rabbit with his shot. They both went up to the rabbit and saw that it was dead. Then the priest takes a small bottle out of his pocket and pours the contents onto the rabbit. Immediately the rabbit wakes up and hops away.
The minister says "Wow, I've never seen holy water do that!"
And the priest says, "That wasn't holy water... it was hare restorer."
Credit to my priest told this joke this morning.
There's a new beer made with rabbits' feet.
It's called Lucky Hops.
Is there going to be beer?
I don't know. But I wouldn't get my hops up too high if I were you
Original Male Sterilization Joke
A guy goes into the doctor for his baby-proofing surgery. He hops up on the table and says "OK, Doc! Let's get this tubal ligation going!".
The doctor looks up, annoyed. "This isn't a tubal ligation!"
"I know, I know," says the guy, "but it's all the same thing, pretty much."
"No it isn't!" says the Doctor. "There's a Vas Deferens!"
Why do frogs like IPAs so much?
Cause of all the hops
An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle
Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"
"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."
The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
A dog walks into a bar.
A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
A man is driving down the road.
When suddenly he sees a red man crying.He asks him "What's wrong with you?" The red man answers:"I'm a homosexual exiled from Mars and i am hungry" The man gives him a sandwitch,hops back in his car and goes further.He then saw a green man crying.He asks him again what's wrong and the green man answers:"I'm a homosexual exiled from Venus and i'm thirsty." the man gives him a bottle of water hops back in his car and goes further.Then he sees a blue man approaching.He tells the blue man:"Yeah yeah i know the drill.You're a homosexual exiled from some planet and what do you want?" the blue man answers "your license please".
Blonde in a field.
A blonde woman is driving down a road when she sees another blonde in the middle of a field and she appears to be swimming. Angry at the site, the blonde driver slams on the brakes, hops out of the car and screams "YOU KNOW, IT IS BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD NAME!!" The blonde in the field replies "Yeah, well why don't you come out here and do something about it?" The blonde driver replies "I WOULD BUT I CAN'T SWIM!"
What do you call a girl who hops around from guy to guy at a construction company?
j**... all trades
Why did the beer brewer hang himself?
He had no hops.
Why did the brewery keep rabbits on hand?
So they could add the hops.
What kind of beer does a toad drink?
Something with hops
A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed"
The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"
*Ba dum tiss*
A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender says hey, we've got a drink named after you .
And the grasshopper says what? ..Kevin?
What do an angry bunny and a pro basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
What does a rabbit use to make his beer?
Bunny hops!!
Just came up with this this afternoon so © carteelith777 2018
A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country
Police say they are farmed and dangerous.
Half of a man hops into a bar.
The bartender asks, "How are you today?"
The half-man replies, "I'm all right, thank you."
"What happened to your other half, may I ask?" ventures the bartender.
The half-man sighs. "Left."
A nun gets into a cab
The cab driver sees her in the backseat and says "I have always had a fantasy about nuns."
She answers "you and everyone else! Are you a Catholic?"
Driver says yes, so she tells him to pull over.
She hops in the front seat and gives him the best b**... he ever had. She gets done and the cabbie feels guilty and says "You know sister, I have to confess. I am not really Catholic."
"That's fine. My name is Ralph and I am going to a costume party."
I'm dating a one legged girl who works at a brewery.
She handles the hops.
Rear ended a little person while driving home. He hops out, walks back and screams...
"I AM NOT HAPPY!!!".....I asked him, "Which one are you then?" That's when the fight started.
I once dated a one legged girl who worked at a local brewery.
She was in charge of the hops
A blonde was walking through the woods...
... when she saw a brunette on some train tracks. She watched her for a few minutes, trying to understand what she was doing. The brunette was hopping from one track to the other, saying "38, 38, 38..."
After a little while, the blonde decides to join the brunette, hopping from track to track, saying "38, 38, 38..."
They do this for a few more minutes until there is a train coming. The brunette jumps off the tracks, just in time for the blonde to get smeared.
After the train passes, the brunette hops back onto the tracks, saying, "39, 39, 39..."
Snail joke (oldie but goodie)
A snail walks into a bar, hops up on the bar stool
and orders a Jack & Coke. The bartender says sorry no snails allowed here ....and the bartender kicks out the snail.
2 weeks later the snail finally re-enters the bar again and asks: what the f*c**... did you do that for ?
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: What's your blood group?
The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."
I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.
Her name was Eileen and she was in charge of the hops.
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo…
When he's finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.
When the guns empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, Hey! What the h**..., man?
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling bear of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats bamboo shoots and leaves.
Why do soft drinks never win at basketball?
Because they ain't got no hops
