Hopelessness Jokes
40 hopelessness jokes and hilarious hopelessness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hopelessness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Hopelessness Short Jokes
Short hopelessness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hopelessness humour may include short jokes also.
- The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
- The argentina team visited an orphanage in Russia - It breaks my heart to see those poor eyes filled with sadness and hopelessness..
said one of the orphans. - The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain. "It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces", said Rico, age 6.
- How did the man hope to measure his hopelessness? He searched for the the sin of his angle of depression.
- We found love in a hopeless place We found Steve in a frozen place
We found Stark in an iron case
We found Hulk in some gamma rays
We found Thor punching Lokis face - What did the hopeless romantic baker say to the dough? You're my life's devotion. I knead you!
- My condition is hopeless?? Oh GOD! Level with me doc....What is it??!?!? Pre-existing.....
- John was going through a rough time, he lost his job and couldn't pay rent. Everything was hopeless when suddenly, he remembered... mitochondria is the power house of the cell.
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Hopelessness One Liners
Which hopelessness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hopelessness? I can suggest the ones about and .
- My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she's in for a shock.
- My kids say I'm hopeless at fixing appliances... Well, they're in for a shock...
- What do you call a depressed tick from Rome? A hopeless Roman Tick
- A toast for a hopeless romantics wedding One word "Finally"
- Call me a hopeless romantic. I can't wait for the day a woman loves me for my money.
- What do you call a frog that can't jump? Hopeless
- Why does the ancient bug fall in love so easily? It's a hopeless Roman tic
- I lent the homeless 1p. Now they're hopeless.
Hopelessness Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hopelessness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hopelessness pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud.
Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down.
The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the t**... by staying calm and noble.
The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude.
In fact, he gets worse.
Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane.
People got desperate.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.
He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket.
He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear.
The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt.
The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement.
"Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered.
"I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
A man Walk in to a Bar
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another blonde, brunette, and redhead...
...are stranded on a deserted island. Before long they run out of all their supplies and are left in a hopeless and desperate situation. They determine that one of them will try and swim for the next closest inhabited island 100 miles away.
The redhead volunteers to go, but 40 miles into her swim, she finds herself completely exhausted and drowns.
So the brunette makes her attempt and after making it about 50 miles, can't swim another s**... and drowns.
The blonde, left alone, finally makes her attempt. With grit and determination she swims mile after mile but sure enough, 60 miles into her trip, she determines that she will never make it.
So she turns around and swims back.
$200
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
A man visits a Buddhist Monastery.
(non racist version)
A man is sent to China on business. On a day off he goes sightseeing. He gets hopelessly lost in the confusing Chinese roads and finds himself on the outskirts of town where an ancient Buddhist monastery sits. Curious, he goes in. A kindly monk takes him for a tour. In the courtyard of the monastery there is a pond, around which are several monks who are skipping stones.
However, instead of typical splashes when the stones bounced across the water, they heard a Chinese word emanate from the pond. A monk demonstrates and they hear "Ping-Lee-Yow." as the stone bounces across the water. The monk explains to the man that this sacred pond says the names of your ancestors when a stone is skipped across it.
Amazed, the man asks to try, and is given a stone. He skips the stone and hears "Chim-Pan-Zee" as the stone skips. Furious, he asks if this is some cruel hoax they pull on foreigners. The monk sadly shakes his head no. Furious, the man lifts the largest boulder he could and heaves it into the water. It splashes with an almighty "BABOON!"
Pig With a Wooden Leg
A journalist on vacation in Texas is driving on his way to do some sightseeing. Soon, he gets stuck in traffic. After slowly inching his way forward, he decides to take a back road. After getting hopelessly lost, he stops at the nearest ranch to ask for directions. Walking up to the ranch, he is met by a farmer, who is followed by a pig with a wooden leg. At first, the journalist is extremely confused, but then realizes that this could be an interesting new story, and asks the farmer about the pig.
"Oh, him? This here is Orville; he's one helluva pig. See those derricks yonder?" he asks as he points to the horizon, where indeed there are several derricks.
"One day, I was walking, and Orvill starts digging and a digging like crazy. Right after, he done struck oil, made me rich!"
The journalist, writing furiously, stops, with a stunned look.
"WOW! That's amazing! But...why does he have a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "Well, after we were rich, I built me a mansion. We lived really happily, until one day, a fire started! My wife and I got out, but the baby was still inside. Sho' nuff, Orville runs inside and rescues Junior!"
The journalist, amazed, continues scribbling furiously. "That's amazing, what a pig! But...why does he have a wooden leg?"
The farmer looks at him and says,
"Pig like that, ya can't eat in one piece, now, can ya?"
A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....
...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:
I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this tuesday evening.
So the man and his wife go to the concert tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: Soo, did you like the concert?
Sorry for the terrible grammar :D
Luke Skywalker and Yoda are hopelessly lost on their journey...
Luke: Yoda, we've been walking for hours! Are you sure that we're going the right way?
Yoda: For the tenth time, told you, I have! Off course, we are!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
"They must have been English," the Englishman offered. "After all, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a lady."
"They surely were French," the Frenchman asserted. "They were so hopelessly in love."
"Only could be Latvian," declared the Latvian. "Who else could walk around n**..., have only one apple to eat, and think they were in paradise?"
I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster
It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!
Two old friends
Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.
His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"
The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."
"That's not bad."
"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."
"Sounds like you should be grateful..."
"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."
Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"
"This week... nothing!
A man is driving down a country road when he finds himself hopelessly lost.
He pulls over when he sees a farmer leaning up against a fence next to a dog. The man walks up to the farmer and asks him for directions, and the farmer kindly shows him on his way. Before he leaves, the man asks, "excuse me, does your dog bite?"
The farmer says "no he don't bite."
The man goes to pet the dog, and the dog growls and takes a big chunk out of the man's hand, biting down hard with his teeth.
The man pulls back and yells "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?"
The farmer says "That ain't my dog."
A monocle walks into a bar.
After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
Mommy and Daddy rabbit were enjoying a splendid afternoon in the woods.
Suddenly, the sound of hunting dogs shattered their idyllic time together. They ran for their lives. The dogs were relentless. Finally the two terrified bunnies took shelter in a hollow log. The dogs had them trapped. The situation seemed hopeless.
Daddy looked at Mommy and said "Well, we'll just have to outnumber them."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Russian pal is such a hopeless drunk that he joined the Red Army just to go to Ukraine
He heard that in the land of Ukraine, cocktails literally fall from the sky.