hoover Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hoover puns

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

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What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vaccuum?

The position of the dirt bag.

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The Priest who couldn't swear!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the 1st hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, Hoover! under his breath.

On the 2nd hole, Father Murphy's ball went straight into a water hazard. Hoover! again, a little louder this time.

On the 3rd hole, a miracle occurred, and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! Praise be to God!

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. Hoover!
By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said, Hoover.

It's the biggest dam I know.

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I decided to sell my Hoover...

Well, it was just collecting dust.

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"I've found your hamster," I told my daughter over the phone.

"You're a hero!" she screamed, "Thank you so much. Can you put him back in my cage for me?"

I said, "Of course. I just need to get him out of the hoover first though."

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Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam.

FBI is still looking for the leak.

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Two Russians..

..discussed who was the greater man, Comrade Stalin or President Hoover.

Hoover taught the Americans not to drink, says one.

Yes, replies the other, but Stalin taught the Russians not to eat.

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Who was the worst U.S. President of all time?

Hoover, his administration really sucked.

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So I'm selling my hoover

It's just sitting around collecting dust.

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Why couldn't the Buddhist hoover the corners of his house?

He had no attachments.

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Two Russians

Two Russians are discussing who is the greater man, Stalin or Hoover.
"Hoover taught the Americans not to drink," says one.
"Yes," replied the other, "but Stalin taught the Russians not to eat."

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Some of the top jokes from this years Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

*I've decided to sell my hoover... well, it was just collecting dust. -Tim Vine


*I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set. -Masai Graham


*Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief. -Mark watson


*I Wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me. -Ria Lina

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Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam.

FBI is still looking for concrete evidence.

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I bought a Hoover the other day...

It sucks.

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Bubba was sitting on his porch with his buddies...

Joe Bob and Billy Ray, drinking Alone Star long necks discussing their wives' intelligence.

Joe Bob says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a Hoover vacuum cleaner and we don't even have electricity."

After a good laugh, Billy Ray says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a washing machine and we don't even have indoor plumbing."

After another good laugh, not to be outdone, Bubba says, "My wife is so dumb, the other day I was looking through her purse and found six rubbers, and she don't even have a penis."

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[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam...

Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam.

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So I've been clearing out my attic...

... and I've decided to get rid of my hoover- it was just gathering dust.

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What's the Difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum?

The Hoover vacuum only carries one dirt bag.

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My new girl friend.

Just got a new Czech girlfriend, but its taken her nearly 5 days to hoover the house. Turns out she's a Slovak.

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Free hoover

It's just collecting dust

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Son - Dad look at this article

Son - Dad look at this article "Man ran over by hoover"
Dad - What an idiot, did he Dyson?

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I think I'm going to throw away my old Hoover.

It's just collecting dust anyway.

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Did you know that if you took all the men who died while constructing the Hoover Dam and stood them all on top of each other...

... you'd be arrested.

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If you took every man who died while building the Hoover Dam and stood them one on top of the other...

... you'd get arrested.

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I think I'm gonna sell my hoover

It's just collecting dust

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Why couldn't the Buddha hoover under the sofa?

Because he had no attachments

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I sold my Hoover

Well it was only collecting dust

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I just got fired from my job at Dyson.

My design for a new hoover didn't work.

I don't know what their problem is, when they asked me to design it they told me, "just make sure it doesn't suck!"

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I bought the wife a new bag for her birthday.....

Hoover works a treat now!

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Are you President Hoover?

'Cause damn.

100% guaranteed to occasionally work on women.

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Mother In Law...

The Mother in Law has been admitted into Hospital for shoving a Hoover attachment up her fanny...

...doctors say she's picking up nicely!

(c) Roy Chubby Brown 1992

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What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say to his colleague?

Hoover fuck said this job would be a good idea?

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Why was Herbert Hoover such a controversial president?

Because he never let the dust settle.

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Have y'all heard 'bout the Hoover Crips?

They still Dyson with death.

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What do you get when you cross a sexy president and a vacuum cleaner?

A Hoover DAMN!

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What are the most funny Hoover jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hoover? Well, here are the best Hoover dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hoover pick up lines to share with friends.

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