The Best 93 Hooker Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Hooker jokes. There are some hooker prostitute jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these hooker fujifoo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Hooker Jokes and Puns

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

I ordered an Asian Hooker, she arrived 2 hours late

She loves me wrong time.

Hooker

Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars", she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.

They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."

Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."

Hooker joke, Hooker

Ever heard of the blind hooker?

You really gotta hand it to 'er.

Mind=blown

I once knew a hooker who was studying psychiatry. For $20 she'd blow your mind.


A guy is sitting in a bar when a great looking woman comes over to him.

He's really excited, but it immediately comes clear that she is a hooker. She says, "Hey, handsome. Want to play a game? Here is how it works. I'll do absolutely anything you want for three hundred dollars, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy thinks for a minute. Then he pulls his wallet out of his pocket, lays three hundred dollar bills on the bar, and says, "Paint my house."

What does having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common?

If the rubber brakes, you're screwed.

Hooker joke, What  does having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common?

Happy Birthday Henry

Old widower Henry is celebrating his 80th birthday in the retirement home, and his friends decide to hire a hooker to entertain him. So early that evening, a beautiful blond shows up at his door, and says "HI, I'm Susie, and I'm here to give you super sex."

Henry looks her over, thinks for a minute, and says "Eh, I'll take the soup."

An American businessman was in Japan...

He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

What do you get when you cut a hooker in half with a chainsaw?

an erection

starbucks is like a hooker...

one on every corner and money upfront before they scream your name

You can explore hooker prostidude reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hooker prosti dad jokes. There are also hooker puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with dysentery?

One of them shucks between fits.

What's the difference between a leprechaun and a hooker with 5 STD's?

Well one of them is a cunning runt.

What did the hookers hang on the christmas tree?

Whore-naments

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.

Both Golf

"Honey, I have a confession to make," a guy told his bride. "I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season. "
"Well, dear," she murmured. "I have a confession to make too. I'm a hooker. "
"No big deal," replied the groom. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight! "

Hooker joke, Both Golf

What's the best part about having a hooker die on you?

The second hour is free.

One of my buddies turned 90, so for a birthday surprise I sent a hooker to his apartment. When he opened the door, she introduced herself and informed him that she was there to give him super sex. His response...

I'll take the soup.

The aging head of a secluded Monastary decides he will take a walk into the nearby town for the first time in 30 years.

As he's walking down the street he passes a hooker on a corner who says "Hey twenty dollars for a quicky". Confused, he walks past another corner and another hooker says "Hey padre, twenty dollars for a quicky". He has no idea whats going on, so he returns to the monastary and calls the Mother Superior to his office and asks her "Whats a quicky?" She replies "Twenty dollars, same as in town".


A guy meets a hooker in a bar

She says to him, "this is your lucky night. I've got a special going, for $300 i'll do absolutely anything you can think of but the catch is you have to be able to say it in 3 words or less."

The guy replies, "thats a great deal" then slowly lays out 3 &100 dollar notes and says "Paint... My... House."

A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...

This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese hooker. He has his way with the hooker and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his hooker. He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"

I'm dressing up as a (dead) hooker for Halloween...what are some lines you NEVER want to hear a hooker say?

For example, "I just need to put some ointment on my herpes, and then we are good to go."

I know, I'm terrible at this! Please help!

What did the Leper say to the Hooker?

Keep the tip.

I'm your Birthday Present

It was Jim's 75th Birthday, his friends decided to give him a hooker for his Birthday.

The hooker went to his house and knocks on the door. Jim answers, she says "Hi I'm your birthday present!"

A little startled, he asks "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"I'm yours for supersex" she answers.

Jim replies "Well, I'm 75 years old, so I'll just have the soup."

2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the hooker?

The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO

What do you call a hooker who likes noodles?

A Pastatute

A priest is walking down the street...

And a hooker shouts and says, "$20 for a handjob!", but the priest keeps walking.
Later that day, the priest asks a nun "what is a handjob?"
The nun replies, "$20, same as in town"

What did the duck say to the hooker?

Put it on my bill.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:



"What do you want to be when you grow up?"





Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."



The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..



And how about you, Sarah?"



"I wanna be KevinΒΉs hooker."

So i met a hooker today who said she would do anything for five bucks

Guess who got their homework done!

What does a hooker get from Santa?

50 bucks

What's the difference between a hooker, a lover and a housewife?

A hooker says "Faster! faster!"

A lover says "Slower....slooower..."

A housewife says "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

What's the difference between the Seahawks and a cheap hooker?

The hooker won't choke on six inches.

What do you call an Alaskan hooker?

A frostitute.

What do you call a hooker who works for spaghetti?

A pastatute!

A priest is doing some community work downtown...

...when he is propositioned by a hooker.
"Hey Father, I'll give the best blow job of your life for $10."
Confused, the priest replies "No thank you, my dear."
Later, back at the church, he approaches one of the nuns.
"Sister, this is kind of embarrassing, but what's a blow job?"
"Oh, you know," says the nun, "$10, same as downtown."

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.

Met a hooker who said she'd do anything for $5

So I had her repost a joke for me that's been posted 5,000 times in the past week

If I had a nickel for every time I had sex...

... I'd be a very cheap hooker.

Money or Sex

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a hooker. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."

"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."

Whats the best part about a dead hooker

The second hour is free

What do you call a Chinese underage hooker?

Sum Yung Ho

I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker.

It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

I wanted to go on a date with a hooker

so I asked her, "When are you free?"

A hooker and a priest walk into a spaceship...

It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back.

A John gets crabs from a 10$ hooker...

he goes back to complain, and the hooker tells him "what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"

What's the difference between a hooker, your girlfriend, and your wife?

When you're having sex a hooker says "are you done yet?" Your girlfriend says "you're done already?" And your wife says "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."

Your Turn

Out of prison. As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied.

"How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?"

"Partly." She said.

"But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"

According to Carl Jung, I should live life like a kleptomaniac hooker...

...and take things as they come.

What is a hooker in Alaska called?

A frostitute!

What's the difference between jesus and a hooker?

The noises they make as you're nailing them

What's the difference between a hook and a hooker?

You can unscrew a hook, but you can't unscrew a hooker

if a plumber's career can go down the drain...

And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a hooker get laid off?

A man goes to a $3 hooker

He contracted crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"

What do you call a hooker laying down?

Whorizontal.

Thanks, I'll show myself out.

A guy walks into a whorehouse...

A guy walks into a whorehouse with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead hooker upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.

"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."

"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."

Some hookers get paid to go out on dates before sex, and call it the "girlfriend experience."

Others torture and humiliate you, then steal your wallet and car while you're tied up.

That's called the "wife experience."

A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This

A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."

Guy takes a hooker out for supper.

He giver her his peas, she gives him herpes.

A guy meets a hooker in a bar

And buys her a drink. She says to him "For $300, I'll do anything you want as long as you can ask for it in 3 words." So he thinks about it for a minute, reaches into his wallet, pulls out three Benjamins, slaps them on the bar and says "Paint. My. House".

What's the difference between a hooker, a girlfriend and a wife?

A hooker says "that's all", a girlfriend says "is that all?" and a wife says "blue. I think I'll paint the ceiling blue."

What do hookers and tattoo artists have in common?

The minimum is $60, unless you're willing to risk catching a disease.

What's the difference between an actress and a hooker.

That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.

What's the difference between a hooker, a girlfriend, and a housewife?

Hooker: Are you done yet?
Girlfriend: You're done already?
Housewife: The ceiling needs to be painted.

What does a Pirate say when they see a hooker?

Land Hoe!

What do you call an Italian hooker?

A PASTA-tute!

I am so sorry.

My girlfriend wants prostitution legalized so she can start a Hooker Training Course...

...I told her I disagreed with that school of thot

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I've never cried when chopping up a hooker.

What's the difference between being crucified and being a hooker?

The face you make while you're being nailed.

I was awakened at 3 am by some hooker screaming and pounding on my hotel door.

She got so loud, I finally had to get up and let her out.

What do you call a hooker who teaches other hookers?

A prostitutor.

Two hookers are standing on the side of the street..

Two hookers are standing on the side of the street. One says to the other, "It's going to be a great night! You can almost smell the dicks in the air!"

The other hooker responds, "I'm sorry, I just burped."

What do you say to a hooker as she's leaving?

It's been a business doing pleasure with you.

A guy picks up a hooker

She says, This is your lucky night. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300.00. as long as you can say it in three words.

The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300.00 on the table and says slowly.

Paint…my….house.

A young man on his first date.

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex. The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asked the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…

A man is walking to his car late at night

When he sees a woman on a shady corner. He goes up to ask if she's alright and she responds

"I'm a hooker, are you interested?"

The man decides to live a little and takes her up on her offer and they go back to his car and go at it like rabbits.

Some time during, a cop pulls up and knocks on the window.

"Excuse me sir what exactly are you doing?"

The man answers "I'm having sex with my wife"

The cop replies with "I apologize, I didn't know."

The man responds with "Me neither."

What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can clean her crack and resell it.

What do you call a hooker that you pay with spaghetti?

A pastatute

Hookers were prepared for the pandemic

because they've always offered curbside pickup.

Hooker: $10 on grass, $30 on sofa, $50 in bed Man: I'll pay $50

Hooker: You're a man of class :)

Man: Class my ass, I want it five times on grass

So a guy buys a $5 hooker.....

They have sex and the next day the guys realizes he has crabs. The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund

The hooker goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"

A man takes a hooker out to dinner. He gives her his peas

She gives him herpes

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50

Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.

What did the alligator get after sleeping with a hooker

Gatoraids

Whats the difference between a Girlfriend, a Hooker and a Wife?

The Girlfriend says: "are you finished already?"

The Hooker says: "aren't you finished yet?"

The Wife says: "Blue..... we should paint this ceiling Blue"

My friend shamed me for paying for a hooker...

...I do gotta admit, his mom was expensive.

Met a hooker who said she'd do anything for $100.

Guess who's getting their front porch re-done!

Why did the john haggle with the hooker?

He just wanted to get the most bang for his buck.

I'm sorry. That's fifteen seconds you'll never get back.

Hookers on Naval Subs

Substitutes.

What's the difference between a hooker and your mother?

We don't have the same mother.

What's the difference between a hooker and an actress?

I don't think that's a very good defense mr weinstein

What do you call a hooker with no legs?

A night-crawler.

On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

She danced seductively, then sat on his lap.

She whispered in his ear "I'm here to give you super sex!"

The man thought about it and then asked her "what kind of soup?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hooker samoan jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working hooker three hookers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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