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Hooked Jokes

106 hooked jokes and hilarious hooked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hooked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Hooked Jokes is an uproarious collection of some of the funniest jokes around! Read it to get laughs from hilarious puns, tongue-twisters, play on words and more. Special emphasis is placed on hooked on Ebonics, hooked on Phonics, Methed-up, Quackhead and Laced jokes. It's guaranteed to be a great time!

Funniest Hooked Short Jokes

Short hooked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hooked humour may include short hooking jokes also.

  1. A lot of russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online. But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
  2. With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
  3. Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable." Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
    Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
  4. I hate double standards. When a guy hooks up with a lot of girls, he's a player … But when I do it, I'm a lesbian
  5. Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands
    I like this joke because it never grows old
    This joke is off the hook
    Sorry
  6. I went to a party dressed as an egg and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
    I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
    It was the chicken.
  7. Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
  8. My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
  9. An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..
  10. What do you trust more than the government? The ads on Pornhub telling me girls within 3 miles of my location want to hook up.

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Hooked One Liners

Which hooked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hooked? I can suggest the ones about hookup and hooking up.

  1. I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
  2. I was hooked on auctions after only going once ... ...going twice…
  3. Where did Captain Hook get his hook ? The second-hand store.
  4. Why is pirating so addictive? Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
  5. What is Captain Hook's favorite kind of humor? Dead Pan.
  6. Where did Captain Hook buy his hook? From a second-hand store
  7. Why do pirates like to watch boxing? Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.
  8. Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein.
  9. Why did the duck need to sell himself? He got hooked on the quack.
  10. (Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child The child would definitely be on the dark side
  11. What do you call a 5 year-old with no friends? [offensive] A sandy hook survivor.
  12. Where do pirates get their hooks? At the second-hand store!
  13. Where do pirates buy their hook hands from? From a second hand shop.
  14. Where does Captain Hook buy his hooks? At the second hand store.
  15. How to curse like an Irishman "Whale oil beef hooked!"

Hooked On Phonics Jokes

Here is a list of funny hooked on phonics jokes and even better hooked on phonics puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you catch a dyslexic fish? Ya get it Hooked on Phonics!
  • Why did the spelling bee champ have to go to rehab? He was hooked on phonics.
  • It's not that I'm illiterate It's that I used to be hooked on phonics and recovery is a process.
Hooked joke, It's not that I'm illiterate

Unearthly Funniest Hooked Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about hooked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hook up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hooked pranks.

A couple hooked up to the Joy of painting.....

9 months later they had a happy little accident

A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...

The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."

The world's leading scientists build a lie-detecting machine...

...so powerful that if you are detected to be lying, it you immediately drop dead.
They bring around three test subjects. The first one, an Irishman, is hooked to the machine. He says, "I think I don't drink" and the next moment, he's dead. Next, it's the Asian's turn. She says, "I think I'm a good driver" and what do you know! She too is killed instantly. Then the blonde walks up and confidently begins,"I think—" and drops dead.

Last night I hooked up with Edward Snowden's sister.

believe me, she's the REAL whistle blower.

m**... while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff

They never know if you're coming or going

I'd like to teach under-privelaged kids lattice geometry

Nothing would give me more pleasure than getting at-risk youth hooked on crystal math.

You guys! I'm so excited, I just hooked up with my crush from middle school.

...but now she keeps calling me expecting me to show up at her graduation.

An Irish elocution lesson

Say the following words together quickly:
Whale. Oil. Beef. Hooked.

If Bill Cosby and Gwyneth Paltrow hooked up...

...it would be an unconscious coupling.

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having s**... with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

Why are fish always on drugs?

They just keep getting hooked.

My Grandfather Says I should not be so Dependent upon technology...

...Yet he is the one hooked to life support.

I know this guy that's hooked on brake fluid

He said he could stop anytime.

How to sound authentically Irish when bewildered, befuddled, confounded, or just generally in a tizzy.

Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked.

In high school I hooked up with my teacher...

She was really into me... I mean I was home schooled, but still!

My German plumber accidentally hooked up my gas line to my shower...

Looks like old habits die hard.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken, and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg. Things happened but in the end, we answered a life-long question...

The chicken came first.

All of my friends are jealous when they find out I hooked up with my math teacher in high school

But honestly, being homeschooled s**....

An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV.

He asked, "What is that for?"

Hooked up with this woman for a n**...

We were in bed going at whrn she hears her husband coming in the front door. She says "quick use the b**...." Looking back I probably should have left, but how often do you get an offer like that.

Why do pirates never quit their jobs?

Because once they lose a hand they get hooked.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights

I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Credit to Steven Wright.

My African-American friend hooked up with a girl from Thailand...

It was a real black-Thai affair.

Hooked up the other day

The girl was a marioneteer. She wanted something more, but I prefer s**... with no strings attached.

I hooked up with that chick who works at the bank

Friend: broker?
Nah, she's just really sore

When I was in high school, I had a girl in the back seat of my car...

She confided in me, "I think you're really hot, but I've never hooked up with anyone before, and I don't know what to do."
I replied, "Me either, but don't worry. We'll finger it out."

I had a crush on a girl with a lazy eye.....

We never hooked up, she was always seeing someone else.

What did the Pirate say to the Writer?

Arrgh I'm hooked.

I used to be very disinterested in fishing...

But now I am Hooked!

My Asian friend hooked up a computer keyboard to a bunch of speakers

I guess that's stereotyping isn't it...

I asked a bass what he thought fishing...

He said, "I didn't like at first, but now I'm Hooked!"

Mayweather is addicting. Just ask McGregor!

He got hooked.

I matched with this guy on Tinder. He said he wasn't like your average single Pringle – he was like a Dorito, edgy and spicy.

I hooked up with him. He definitely wasn't plain round.

What's worst drug for a fish?

Worms. Once you get hooked, you're dead.

I hooked up with a blind woman the other day

She said I was the biggest she's ever been with, I said "ah you're just pulling my leg"

I was never really into fishing until the casting accident.

After that I was hooked.

Ever have s**... with a girl only to realize they're completely insane?

For example, last week I hooked up with this cute red-head . She was smart, s**..., bit of a lisp. Everything seemed normal, but the second we got finished she started going on about how she was the Norse god of thunder.

I hooked up with a dyslexic girl.

We 96'd.

What do you call a fish binge watching a tv show?

Hooked!

Prof.X died the other day whilst hooked up to his mind machine.

As a consequence, everyone on earth was frozen in time.
It's a terrible condition... Cerebro Pausey

Friend hooked it up.

Fist bumped and as we were parting ways, said "I owe you!"
Dad Friend: "Don't forget A&E!"
Me: "Huh?"
Dad Friend: "A-E-I-O-U! Already forgot your vowels-tsktsk."

I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey.

I'm still hooked on salami and roast beef though.

I always smoke after s**....

Thanks to my uncle I've been hooked since the age of 6.

Why did the fish quit smoking?

He didn't want to get hooked

What's a fan's favorite song?

Hooked on a Ceiling.

None of my friends seemed very impressed when I told them I hooked up with my high school science teacher.

I swear it is so much harder trying to fit in when you are homeschooled.

Which four words can give you an Irish accent?

Whale
oil
beef
hooked.

What's an Irishmans favourite saying?

Whale oil beef hooked

Why is it so hard to stop being a pirate?

You lose one hand and then you're hooked.

A friend accidentally hooked himself while big game fishing yesterday.

He said it was a big gaffe.

The very first time I went fishing, I was instantly hooked!

The second time I went fishing, I was much more careful casting.

So I hooked up with this girl at a party

But I forgot it was a family reunion

I texted my irish friend and told him I wanted to speak in an Irish accent

He texted back "Whale Oil Beef Hooked"

3 men go to a hotel late at night

Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.
The morning after...
Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a h**...!
Man on the right: whoa, what a coincidence... I had a similar dream but with a red head!
Man in the middle: That doesn't even touch the dream that I had! I was a professional skier!

I was reading a book on c**... addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

The dyslexic drug addict became a m**......

...when he got hooked on l**...

I've been reading a book about drug addiction

I was hooked after the first few lines.

Did you hear about the student that hooked up with his math teacher?

She really expanded his natural log.

I'm going to teach you how to speak Irish in the spirit of diversity.

Say, "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.
Bonus: for Australian say, "Good eye might."

I couldn't feel my legs so they hooked me up to a computer.

I couldn't feel my legs so they hooked me up to a computer, saying it would help me get my feeling back.
The computer kept getting panic attacks when they asked it to work though, I guess it's a nervous system.

When I was a young man, I almost hooked up with an Eskimo girl once...

Turns out, she wasn't really Inuit

Drugs

Q. Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck?
A. Now he's hooked on the quack.

The first time I sniffed airplane glue I OD'd...

When I came to a man asked me, Are you hooked?
I said, No, I'm stuck.

God wants to go on vacation

So he asks his angels for suggestions. Venus? asks one, god says no too hot. Another says Mars; no too cold. What about earth? Earth! No way, god says. 2000 years ago I hooked up with some girl there and they're still talking about it!

Thor was bored with life on Asgard and one day decided travel to earth to entertain himself.

Whilst here he happened upon a beautiful maiden and the pair hooked up that evening and made love all night, with Thor slipping out in the early hours.
Back in Asgard Thor felt bad for the fair lady about slipping away never too be seen again and thought he at least owed it to her to explain things - so he made his way back to earth to find her.
He bumps into her again. "Hi' he states 'I think I should explain - I'm Thor"
"*I'm Thor"?!* The lady retorted, "I can hardly thit down!"

Hooked up with a GILF

We get to her place she said she didn't need a safe word. If anything went wrong just hit her LifeAlert button

I just can't pronounce `Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn`, but I'm trying to do better -

I just signed up for an online course called `Hooked on Cthonics`

How to swear like an Irishman...

"Whale oil beef hooked!"

I work at IBM as a quantum computer developer and last night i hooked up with a gender studies graduate.

we had nothing in common,
but eventually we bonded over our mutual hatred for binary systems.

Hooked joke, I work at IBM as a quantum computer developer and last night i hooked up with a gender studies gradu

jokes about hooked