Hook Up Jokes

62 hook up jokes and hilarious hook up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hook up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Hook Up Short Jokes

Short hook up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hook up humour may include short hookup jokes also.

  1. A lot of russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online. But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
  2. With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
  3. Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable." Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
    Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
  4. I hate double standards. When a guy hooks up with a lot of girls, he's a player … But when I do it, I'm a lesbian
  5. Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands
    I like this joke because it never grows old
    This joke is off the hook
  6. I went to a party dressed as an egg and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
    I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
    It was the chicken.
  7. Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
  8. My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
  9. An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..
  10. What do you trust more than the government? The ads on Pornhub telling me girls within 3 miles of my location want to hook up.

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Hook Up One Liners

Which hook up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hook up? I can suggest the ones about hooking up and connect.

  1. I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
  2. I was hooked on auctions after only going once ... ...going twice…
  3. Where did Captain Hook get his hook ? The second-hand store.
  4. Why is pirating so addictive? Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
  5. What is Captain Hook's favorite kind of humor? Dead Pan.
  6. Where did Captain Hook buy his hook? From a second-hand store
  7. Why do pirates like to watch boxing? Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.
  8. Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein.
  9. Why did the duck need to sell himself? He got hooked on the quack.
  10. (Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child The child would definitely be on the dark side
  11. What do you call a 5 year-old with no friends? [offensive] A sandy hook survivor.
  12. Where do pirates get their hooks? At the second-hand store!
  13. Where do pirates buy their hook hands from? From a second hand shop.
  14. Where does Captain Hook buy his hooks? At the second hand store.
  15. How to curse like an Irishman "Whale oil beef hooked!"

Silly Hook Up Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about hook up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chat up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hook up pranks.

Black guy and a white girl hook up.

A black guy and a white girl meet at a bar and go back to her house. They start fooling around and he begins taking his pants off. She stops him and says "is it true what they say about black guys"? He says " yes. Yes it is" then stabs her and takes her purse.

My wife just left me, screaming, "ALL YOU EVER DO IS QUOTE elvis PRESLEY LYRICS TO ME!"

I'm all shook up…

A couple at the nursing home

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.
Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."
To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care *what* it looks like."

A bus full of Elvis enthusiasts has crashed on their way to an Elvis convention.

Witnesses say no one was injured but they're all shook up.

How do you call the site where you hook up with old women?


How do you hook up online if you live in Alabama?


Met Roy Moore at a bar once...

Chatted him up about wanting to hook up with twenty-nine year olds.
He looked at me with disbelief and asked "how are you going to do all twenty at once?"

If a girl wants a satisfactory s**... life, she should hook up with a nice guy...

They finish last.

So today I smashed my van in to the side of this blonde lasses car...

It was totally my fault, the car was a write off and the girl was very shook up, you could tell she was in shock so I told her I had a few cans of beer in the back of my van if she wanted them to get over the shock ..... She accepted, drunk a few then asked me if I was having one, I told her I'd wait until the police had been.

Elvis was driving down the highway when he got into an accident.

The paramedics found him and realised he was in shock and so they told him, "Mr. Presley, we need you to step out of the vehicle, you're all shook up."
"Uhuh huh"

If two feminists get drunk and hook up...

...were they both r**...?

What gets all shook up and comes on your salad?

Elvis Parsley.

A Deer, trying to hook up its Deer friend with a p**... Deer, is found negotiating very hard with a p**... Deer on price.

When asked why, it simply says:
I'm just trying to get a bang for my buck.

How do you end up with 96?

When two dyslexics hook up

My sound tech walked in to hook up my microphones

We got to talking and I let him know I have a few friends who are also sound techs.
Really. Fascinating with feigned excitement.
Yeah. One of them is German.
I have a Czech one, too. A Czech one, too.

How did the shirt hook up with the pants?

By asking "you down to tuck?"

So I have half a joke about a guy,

Who is really shook up about his Parkinson's diagnosis...
But I just cant quite put my finger on the punchline.

"I'm sick of following my dreams"

"I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

Northeast Humor

What do you call it when eskimoes hook up to stay warm?
Netflix and Windchill

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online....

I guess we're closer to s**... bots than we thought!

Tow truck drivers must see a lot of action.

They can hook up with anybody on the street and take them home.

Why did gravity and magnetism hook up?

We don't fully know, but there were definitely forces of attraction at work.

Women are like voltron...

the more you hook up the better it is

Germans are weird

In my recent trip to Germany I managed to hook up with this really cute German girl, but for some reason she just kept yelling her age during s**.....

I only hook up with girls who wont vaccinate their kids..

Because 6years of child support is better than 18

I accidentally downloaded Timber instead of Tinder the other day

Unfortunately I didn't hook up with anyone, but I did have a lot of trees fall for me

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.

If Trump bans trans from the Army, they won't be going anywhere.

Seriously, the engines can't just hook up to the drive shafts or there won't be enough torque.

My girlfriend just split up with me.

She kept crying and saying that I spend too much time on the internet.
Jokes on her, there are hundreds of hot singles in my area looking to hook up.

I tried to hook up with a paraplegic once

but she wasn't really feeling it.

Chics are like Voltron.

The more you hook up with, the better it gets.

What's A Pirate's Favorite thing too do?

Hook up

Did you blow Bubbles when you were a kid?

well he is back in town, wants you to hook up.

Boy: Have u ever been fishing before Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!

Which app does republicans use for hook ups?


I need to hook up with Ann Frank's drug dealer.

What is Michael J. Fox's favourite song?

All Shook Up.

Why did Harry Potter never hook up with Hermione?

He was too scared to face Vulvamort.

A rich old man goes golfing with his friends

And he brings along a gorgeous young lady.
"Well guys, meet my new fiancée" he says, full of pride. And for the rest of the afternoon the friends can't take their eyes off the beauty.
After the round of golf the rich man goes up to the bar to order drinks for the group. One of his friends accompanies him and quietly asks: "how did you manage to hook up with such a beautiful young lady? You're seventy. She must be at least fourty years younger than you!"
"I lied about my age"
"And she believed you!? How old did you say you were?"
"I told her I was ninety"

It's an Army Captain's first day as Company Commander.....

He is in his new office, unpacking his stuff and setting things up, there is a knock on the door. The new Captain wants to impress his new soldiers, so he sits down, picks up the phone, and says "Come in."
A private enters the room, the Captain holds up his finger and starts talking "Ok General, thanks for the invitation to dinner at your house. I'm excited to be here and thanks again for hand picking me to Command this unit. See you Friday night. bye."
He hangs up and looks at the private and says "Hey there, what can I do for you?"
The private says "Good morning Sir, I'm just here to hook up your phone. "

Hey babe. Want to hook up? I'm like September 11th...

You'll never forget.

Why don't Muslims hook up so often?

Because they blow and expect others to clean the mess up

Why couldn't the Lesbian Jew hook up during passover?

She had a yeast infection

A bear and a squirrel are in the forest and find a genie's lamp.

Upon releasing the genie, he offers them each three wishes. The bear instantaniously wishes to be the only male bear in the forest so that he can hook up with all the female bears. The squirrel wishes for an acorn. The bear looks at the squirrel and tells him he's s**... for not wishing like the bear did. The genie asks what the next wishes are going to be. The bear, thinking bigger, wishes that he was the only male bear in the country. And the squrriel wishes for an acorn. The bear again pokes fun at the squirrel for not wishing like he did. Finally, the bear, thinking as big as he can, wishes to be the only male bear in the world. The squirrel takes off running, and just before he gets out of earshot, he shouts **"I wish the bear was gay!"**

jokes about hook up