Hood Jokes
123 hood jokes and hilarious hood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
Funniest Hood Short Jokes
Short hood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hood humour may include short honeymoon jokes also.
- How do I get rid of my 'Check Engine' light on my dash? I opened the hood and it's all there
- What do you call someone who steals noodles from the rich and gives them to the poor? Ramen Hood
- Why doesn't Batman like going to Robin's house? They don't like rich people in Robin's hood
- Robin Hood hands over stolen goods to the poor man Man: Wow thank you robin hood, now i'm rich!
Robin: *squints* you're what? - Why was the woodman able to save little red riding hood and her grandma so quickly? Because he knew "Inside every wolf there are two people..."
- Robin Hood doesn't always have to steal from the rich and give to the poor... ...it sherwood help though.
- I really want to date the Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother. I heard she's an animal in bed.
- What's he difference between Robin Hood and Robinhood? Robin Hood is apt to steal while Robinhood is app to steal.
- Red Riding Hood was attacked on her way to grandma's house. Paramedics are on the scene but she's not out of the woods yet.
- Robin Hood Logic [Robin Hood] Poor friend, here's some money .
[Poor Friend] Thanks! Now I'm rich!
[Robin Hood] You're… what?
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Hood One Liners
Which hood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hood? I can suggest the ones about hoot and hind.
- Robin Hood went to see a doctor... ...he was diagnosed with Menintightis.
- What do you call pasta that lives in the hood? Spaghetto
- What do people in the hood enjoy eating? Spaghetto
- What's Robin Hood's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!
- What does a Buddhist from the hood say after his friends ask him to leave? Namaste.
- How many religious people wear black hoods? Nun
- Hey, i'm proud of my heritage that's why sometimes, I don't even wear my hood at rallies.
- I like to steal from the poor and give to the rich It's called robbing the hood.
- My check engine light came on, so I popped the hood my engine was still there.
- What kind of noodles do they eat in the hood? Spaghetto.
- I got a pet owl named Robin. Robin Hoo-d.
- What do you call an astronaut from the hood? Zero G
- We all grew up in the hood Childhood
- If the world is a sweatshirt, where do the poor people live? In the hood.
- Father's Day The most confusing day in the hood.
Robin Hood Jokes
Here is a list of funny robin hood jokes and even better robin hood puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A group of women made a religion about Robin Hood They were called Menintights
- Would Robin Hood steal from the rich and give to the poor? He Sherwood!
- What do you call Legolas, Robin Hood, and Katniss Everdeen when they're leaving? Dep-archers
- A man asked Robin Hood, "would you rob from the rich to give to the poor?" To which he replied, "I Sher-would."
- I had an injection to prevent me from becoming Robin Hood. Yeah, it was the MenInTightus Jab.
- How did Robin Hood not impregnate maid Marion? With his little Jon...
- What kind of bow does gay Robin Hood shoot with? Rainbow
- What do you call someone that steals from a black guy? Robin Hood
- "Wanna play Robin Hood?" "I Sherwood!"
- The Queen of England is searching for Robin Hood She looks over a wall and shouts "Nottingham here!"
Ghetto Hood Jokes
Here is a list of funny ghetto hood jokes and even better ghetto hood puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call spaghetti from the hood? Spa-ghetto. Or just spaghetti because we're not racists.
Uproarious Hood Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about hood you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hole jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hood pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend tried to make me have s**... on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I'm going to have s**..., its going to be on my own Accord
The Bank Robber
A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There were a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you."
(credit to wetwillyone)
Three software engineers...
...are riding in a truck that breaks down. They get out, and tries to see what he can see under the hood, but doesn't know anything about cars, another calls a tow truck and waits, and the third says "I don't know what's wrong, let's just get back in the car and see if it happens again"
Who delivers presents to the hood?
Crip Cringle.
What's under the hood of a Google driverless car?
A search engine.
Who steals from the poor and gives to the rich?
Robbin' hood
Why did Carrot Top go to the hood?
To get props.
Red Ridin' Hood's Grandma
One day Little Red Riding Hood was walking to her grandmother's house. She knocks on the door, but all she hears is screams. So she throws open the door and sees the Big Bad Wolf and her grandmother in the bed. She exclaims, "Grandma, are you alright? I thought the Big Bad Wolf was eating you!" The grandmother replies, "He was, until you showed up."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Joke] What do you call a g**... her period who is riding a bicycle through the ghetto?
"Little red ride in hood"
A female midget FBI agent went undercover to bust a drug gang by sleeping with gang members.
She was known as the Little Fed Riding Hood.
A guy pulled up next to me in his Honda on a scorching day....
.... and asked if he could fry and egg on the hood of my black car on a dare.
I looked back at him incredulously and said "Why not do it on your own Accord?"
What's the most confusing holiday in the hood?
Kwanzaa. I don't think anyone has a clue what that holiday is.
What did the retail employee say to the young gang member in the fitting room?
You dont fit in the hood kid.
Car Talk
So a transmission asks an engine, "Yo Engine, hows things with you today?" and the engine replies "Oh you know, just another day in the hood..."
What hood was the Swedish cholo from?
StockHOLMES!
Why does DMX hate sweatshirts?
he dunno where the hood at
"Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?"
DMX receiving a crew neck sweater for his birthday
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What starts with N, has two Gs in the middle, and has no business wearing a pointy white hood?
Your noggin
A car broke down on a Native Reservation...
...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"
"Piston broke", he replied.
"So are we. Get in."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call
What do you call a l**... in a hot tub?
Stew!
Just an old joke I remember from my child hood lol
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why aren't there any Jewish gangsters?
Because they don't "come from the hood"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... repressed bandit?
Rubbin' Hood
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three members of the k**... walk into a bar...
They sit at the back in full costume.
The first k**... thinks to himself, "If the black guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"
The second k**... thinks to himself, "If the gay guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"
The third k**... thinks to himself, "If someone pulls off my hood, the gay black guy at the bar will recognize me from last night, and these two will kill me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did all the boys from the hood call the Pillsbury Dough boy after he got super baked?
c**....
A subway broke down in the bronx today..
They say the problem was under the hood.
I did a Marquez impression in the hood...
... I was the magical realest.
My job is affecting my mental health
Whenever I put my welding hood on, the world just seems like a dark place...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does the Joker call m**...?
Beating the Red Hood.
There's a new fashion inspired by the police
It's a pullover in a hood
There was going to be a big thanksgiving dinner in the hood for homeless people and it was canceled .
Because the cameras weren't working
A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate
A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"
I heard Lemony Snicket donated $1 million to Planned Parent hood.
I guess he is trying to finish off a series of unfortunate events.
What is the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?
Says one man to another. The second replies, it's maid Marian, isn't it? . The first man scoffs and replies absolutely not, her name is Trudy Glenn.
At this point the second man is beyond confused and questions the statement I disagree, I can't say I've ever heard of her.
The first man says haven't you heard the song? To which he is replied to with what song?
'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glenn.'
Why do people from the hood want used cop cars?
To see what it's like to sit up front.
3 guys are driving in the desert and their car breaks down...
Their destination is 2 days away on foot, so the guys decide to take pieces of the car so they don't die.
First guy says "I'll take the radiator, we can drink the water from this"
Second guy says "I'll take the hood of the car, it will give us shade"
Third guy says "I'll take the door, I can roll the window down if it gets too hot"
What do you call a hood guy that just got promoted?
Maneger
What do you call a mouse stuck in an engine?
A hood rat
If the world was a jacket, where would poor people live?
In da hood.
What's the difference between a wicker basket and wicker box?
Wicker basket is what Little Red Riding Hood carried to Grandma's house.
Wicker box is what Elmer Fudd does to his girlfriend on special occasions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I walked down the street then took a left around a corner...
Then a right, a hook and a roundhouse kick... I hate walking through the hood
Did you know I store paintings under the hood?
It makes my Van Gogh
A young boy runs up to a nun.
Boy: Nun, Nun, Why do you always wear that hood thing.
Nun: It's a habit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I called my lawyer and told him I felt a little racist
He said "I don't think that's a crime..."
I responded "Well this midget in the k**... hood disagrees with you."
What do they call acorns in the hood?
TREEZ NUTS!
What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
If your parents kept an old jacket or sweater from when you were a kid.
Would that make it your child hood?
Regarding Little Red Riding Hood: Wolves can't be all bad if they'll eat your grandmother
Even Grandpa won't do that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gentrification is like circumcision...
It removes the hood
What kind of joke will you never hear in the hood?
Dad jokes
A man heard a knock at the door so he went to go answer.
When he saw a hooded figure with a scythe on his doorstep, he screamed.
The figure took off his hood apologizing. "I'm a priest, I have come to bless you to protect you from COVID-19! I just have to wear this because of quarantine, I'm not supposed to leave my house. This way no one comes to stop me."
The man was surprised, but let the priest into his house regardless. I mean how often do you find a blessing in disguise?
A man asked his newlywed friend upon his return to work How did you spend your honeymoon?
The man replied Well we started out on the Riviera....but she slipped off the hood, so we finished on the driveway!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Red Riding Hood and the s**... Master.
As a victim to be, I need to get closer to the Big Bad Wolf disguised as my grandmother so that he has a better user experience when he eats me.
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First dirty joke I ever learned...from my mother
Little Red Riding Hood: Mr. Big Bad Wolf, are you going to eat me whole?
Mr. Big Bad: No, when I come to that part, I am going to spit it out.
A joke I translated from Russian
A pauper is sitting by a road in medieval England. All of a sudden, Robin Hood comes out of the forest, throws a bag of gold at the pauper's feet and says, "I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."
The pauper tears up, embraces Robin Hood and says, "I am finally rich." Robin Hood then stabs the pauper with his sword,
"I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."
A general is being driven in a jeep through the desert on the way to a training exercise.
Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. "Do you want a screwdriver?" he asks.
"Might as well, it's going to be a while before anyone shows up," she says!
A man is driving down a country road...
... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.
"Looks like your timing chain broke"
He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.
The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.
A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.
"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"
"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.
Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Red Riding Hood walks alone through the dark forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustling behind a thick bush.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red eyes?"
"Get out of here. I'm p**...!"
A teacher asks her class.
Teacher: "Can any tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"
Little Johnny: "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."
Teacher: "No Johnny, the answer is Maid Marion."
Johnny: "But miss in the song it says, Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
riding Trudy Glen."
