JokoJokes

Honey Jokes

151 honey jokes and hilarious honey puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about honey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the funniest jokes about honey, bees, bears and more. Read a collection of honey-related puns, one-liners and gags that are sure to 'dear your hunny' with laughter!

Funniest Honey Short Jokes

Short honey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The honey humour may include short bees jokes also.

  1. My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, What's wrong? . She screamed. These contractions are going to kill me! I am sorry, honey, I replied. What is wrong?
  2. My girlfriend is so smart! I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
    She answered: "What's up, honey?"
    What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
  3. Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
    Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
    Wife:No you're not
  4. I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly... She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".
  5. I love you honey pie, my wife said earlier. And I love you tons, I replied. What, no nickname for me? She asked.
    Sometimes I swear she's going deaf.
  6. A wife says to her husband ... "I don't like you pushing me around all the time and talking behind my back"
    Husband say "Well honey what do you expect you're in a wheelchair"
  7. A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
  8. I asked my grandpa.. I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?
    Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her.
  9. Husband: Honey why are there broken condoms on the couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
  10. Honey, your son said he's thinking of burning down the neighbor's house!! You mean, arson?
    (I probably coulda worded it better, but you see where I'm going with it at least)

Share These Honey Jokes With Friends




Honey One Liners

Which honey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with honey? I can suggest the ones about sugar and bee hive.

  1. Mama, is this safe to eat? No honey... it's for storing our valuables.
  2. "Dad I want to be a feminist when I grow up" "Well, pick one honey, you can't do both"
  3. God initially planned to use wasps to make honey. But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
  4. Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives. Honey. nut. Cheerio.
  5. Male bees die after mating. -And that's why they call it a honey nut cheerio
  6. Why was the bee's hair sticky? Because he used a honey comb.
  7. Honey, I accidentally set your son on fire! Just kidding, it's not your son, it's arson.
  8. Mom, I got an A! "Oh great honey, in what?"
    Hepatitis
  9. What 4 words don't you want to hear when making love? Hi honey! I'm home!
  10. What are the three words you never want to hear when making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
  11. What kind of bees make milk, not honey? Boo-bies (.)(.)
  12. What kind of bees produce milk instead of honey? Boobies!
  13. "Mommy, why is my backpack so heavy?" Allahu Akbar, honey.
  14. How do they make honey in the Middle East? From a shawarma bees
  15. How do bees keep their hair looking nice? A HONEY COMB

Bee And Honey Jokes

Here is a list of funny bee and honey jokes and even better bee and honey puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings You know she's a keeper.
  • A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?
    Student: Honey
    Teacher: What does a cow gives us?
    Student: Milk
    Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?
    Student: Homework
  • Why do bees love the first day of spring? Because it's the start of the honey-making season!
  • My girlfriend surprised me when she came home today in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling of honey. She's a keeper.
  • If honey bees make honey, what type of bees make milk? Boo bees...... My dad just told me this one
  • my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there she's a keeper
  • What do bees say when they get back to the hive? Honey! I'm home!
  • Male bees die after mating… So basically their life is:
    Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
  • What does a bee use to style its hair? A honey comb.
  • If my current career doesn't work out I'm going try my hand as a honey farmer. It's my plan bee.

Honey Bee Jokes

Here is a list of funny honey bee jokes and even better honey bee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the Bee laundromat close down? They were arrested for honey laundering.
  • People have often said that bees making honey sounds cool... ...but honestly, I never understood what all the buzz was about.
  • Why do bees stay in their hives in winter? Swarm.
    What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?
    Hurry up honey.
  • What does a bee say when it returns to it's hive? Honey, I'm home!
  • What kind of bee gives milk instead of honey? Boobees
  • A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower... It was a cross pollination.
  • What do you call the secret organization of tight-lipped Soviet honey makers? The Cagey Bees
  • Did you know male bees literally die after they make love. Yep, it's: Honey-Nut-Cherrio!
  • I heard male bees die after mating. I call that a honey nut cheerio.
    (Stole it off of twitter)
  • Where do American bees store their honey? In a USBee hive.
    ~Thank my ten year old for that one.
Honey joke, Where do American bees store their honey?

Honey Nut Jokes

Here is a list of funny honey nut jokes and even better honey nut puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • M&M's Came out with a Honey Flavor. They coated the peanuts in the Peanut M&M's with honey.
    They called them "Beez Nuts"
  • What do you call a British Bee Smashing and Dashing? A Honey Nut, Cheerio.
  • What is the British equivalent of wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am? "Honey!"
    [Nut]
    "Cheerio!"
  • Honey you have spanner eyes... Every time you look at me my nuts tighten.
  • Did you hear about the nut down the street whose house was burned down? He was a salted, but his honey roasted.
  • A bee jerks off all over some Cheerios. Its Honey Nut.
  • Have you tried the new breakfast cereal for impotent men? Nut'n'Raisin Honey
  • Apparenty we have a serial killer in our family. All my Honey Nut Cheerios are gone.
  • What do you call bumblebee fetuses? honey nut cheerios
  • What cereal do impotent men eat? Nut-N Raisin Honey

Bear And Honey Jokes

Here is a list of funny bear and honey jokes and even better bear and honey puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Besides eating honey... what do John the Baptist, Smokey the Bear, and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They share the same middle name.
  • It's a little known fact that bears believe in astrology... It's called The Kodiak.
    One of their pickup lines is "Hey honey... what's ursine?"
  • Rarely, hikers of the Appalachian trail report seeing psychic grizzlies take control of their friends, who start foraging and looking for honey... Bear in mind, that doesn't happen very often.
  • Never trust a man built like a bear He might steal your honey
  • If Rihanna was a bear name one of her songs. Bees Better Have My Honey
  • Which film do certified shrinks enjoy viewing with their wives who can't bear children? Honey I shrunk the kids
  • What does the horned-up bear say? "Eat your honey!"
  • Why did the bear eat his mate? He called her 'honey', then got hungry.
  • How was the bear able to move in order to get honey? It had muscles.
  • Why did the bear eat his own arms? They were made of honey.
Honey joke, Why did the bear eat his own arms?

Fun-Filled Honey Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about honey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sweetie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make honey pranks.

Husband comes home and says:

Husband comes home and says:
- Honey, I invited a friend to have dinner with us today.
Screaming she replies:
- What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I did not buy any groceries, the dishes are dirty and I'm not in the mood to cook anything special.
- I know.
- So why did you invited him?
- Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.

e**... your ears for this one

A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an e**.... He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills

A married couple of 20 years are lying in bed

The man rolled over and said to his wife, "Hey, honey, I have a hard on that I just can't get rid of. Think you wanna help?"
The wife turned around and stripped n**....
The husband then rolled back over, closed his eyes, and said, "thanks, honey, that did the trick!"

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician."

She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

my wife finally agreed to a t**..., on the condition that she picks the girl

i replied "nah, honey, i'm gonna pick both of them"

Husband and wife are arguing...

The husband thinks it's raining
His wife says, "No honey, that's snow"
So they ask Rudolph, their soviet friend what he thinks.
He says, "That is rain, comrade."
The husband says, "See! Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."

A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

An Iranian man comes home to his wife

He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"
The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

"Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?

A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...

Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay.

Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay.
Mom: *gasp*
Dad: *clenches fists*
Mom: Honey, stop!
Dad: *steps forward*
Mom: N-
Dad: HI GAY, I'M DAD.

Dad: Say daddy!

Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*c**... you, say daddy!
Baby: F*c**... you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*c**... you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*t**....

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

What does Bill say to Hillary after s**...?

Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.

A wife asks her husband "Honey, how many women have you slept with?"

The husband replies, "Only you sweetie. I was awake for all the other ones "

A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help.

"It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.
"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Honey, there are broken condoms on the couch

Dear, we've talked about this- call the children by their names

I smell maple syrup!

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . .
molasses."

"Honey, you're not really nice to your son"

"Which one do you mean? Steve, John or the fat one?"

A Blonde Tries To Solve A

A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"

A little boy kills a butterfly. Dad says, "No butter for one week!" The little boy kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!"

Mom kills a cockroach. The little boy turns to his dad and says, "Are you gonna tell her or should i do it?"

My wife called me at work today.

"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a q**...?"
"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

A couple go to a restaurant...

And when their food arrives, the husband says
"Wow, this looks great! Let's dig in!"
Without another word, he starts devouring his plate. Meanwhile his wife glares disapprovingly at him.
"At Home, you *always* say grace"
Swallowing, the husband replies.
"Honey, that's at home. Here, the chef actually knows how to cook"

My Jewish girlfriend got mad when I let out a f**... while watching tv.

I said, honey. A little gas never hurt anyone.

A woman giddily asks her husband...

"Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?"
"Pi," said the husband.
"Oh!" she replied "That's interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?"
"No," he said. "But Pi is irrational, darling."

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had s**... for the first time.

I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.

My girl is so smart!

My girlfriend is so smart. I called her from my friends phone and she said "what's up honey?". She already knew I was on the other side of the line ;)

A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!"

The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

A blonde is working on a puzzle...

She calls her husband over and says, "This is the hardest jigsaw puzzle I've ever seen in my whole life!"
The husband responds, "What do you mean, honey?"
She says, "Well there's a picture of a tiger on the box, but looking at all these pieces, I don't see how in the world this is going to ever make picture of a tiger."
The husband says, "That's alright honey, let's just put all the cereal back in the box."

American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey"

Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"

My wife walked in on me...

My wife walked in on me m**... to an optical illusion. I threw my hands up and said, "Honey, it's not what it looks like!"

My wife screamed in pain during labor...

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.
"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"

A resourceful woman...

A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..

What is the worst your wife can say during s**...?

"Honey, I'm home"

What's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?

Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!

The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant

A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.

I asked a p**...

"How Much For A h**...?"
Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"
I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"

A woman gets up in the morning

wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."

Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!"

Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you."
Me: *sips coffee from a bowl*

After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange

She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five s**... partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

Weight losers

The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.
"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a s**... striptease for you."
Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."

Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer

Honey, she said, there's a couple things I need to get off my chest.

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have s**... with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two w**... in this house.

"I'm leaving you!..."

I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
But honey, what about our child?
What child?!
Oh, so you're not pregnant?

Wife: "Honey, I think you're a little to harsh to one of our kids."

Husband: "Who do you mean? John, Michael or the fat one?"

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."
The husband says "Who is his father?"
The wife says **"You are."**

A mathematician came home and told his wife, sorry honey, but I'm leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I'll be home in a few hours and I'd like for you to be gone.

He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.

A woman starts to scream while giving birth.


"What's wrong, honey?" her husband asks.
"What's wrong?!?" the woman shouts, "THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"
"Sorry babe. What is wrong?"

An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband

"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably n**... as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get n**... again for old time's sake?"
So they s**... off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my n**... are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.

The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?
The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?
You.

A woman woke up in the middle of the night and found that her husband wasn't there beside her.

She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.
"Honey, what's wrong?, she asked.
He replied, "Well do you remember when we were dating?"
"Yes"
"And do you remember the first time we had s**...?"
She smiled and answered, "Of course."
"And you remember how your Dad caught us."
She laughed and replied, "Oh god, yeah!"
"And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn't marry you?"
"Uh huh. What of it?", she asked.
He let out a sad sigh, "I would have gotten out today..."

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

An American woman goes to Italy on business and asks her husband what she could bring back for him.

He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"
When she returns home he picks her up at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good," she replies.
"And did you bring something home for me?"
"Something, did I forget?" she asks.
"The Italian girl I asked for," he replies jokingly.
"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."

After 65 years of marriage, my grandpa still calls grandma "honey", "sweetie", "baby", and "sugar". I asked him for the secret to keep love alive so long.

He said "i forgot her name 10 years ago, and I'm afraid to ask."

My wife said, "Did I ever tell you how great it feels when we make love?"

I said, "Gee, honey. No."
And she said, "Exactly. Now let's just go to sleep, OK?"

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

My girlfriend is so smart, she really surprises me!

I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

A teenage girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her parents

Her parents are disgusted by the boyfriend's crazy haircut, excessive tattoos and piercings.
After dinner, the girl's mom tells her, "Honey, he doesn't seem to be a nice boy. Are you sure about this?"
"Oh please mom." the girl begged. "If he wasn't a nice person why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?

Honey joke, A teenage girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her parents

jokes about honey