Honest Jokes
187 honest jokes and hilarious honest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about honest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article discusses the concept of "honest jokes" - which japes do not rely on lies or dishonesty, but instead are based on humor that is rooted in truth and earned respect. Like the historical figures of Honest John, Honest Abe, and an Honorable Politician, explore the idea of good-natured, honest humor, and what that means in today's world of white lies and subterfuge.
Quick Jump To
- Short Honest Jokes
- Honest One Liners
- Let Be Honest Jokes
- Good Honest Jokes
- Honest Lawyer Jokes
- Honest Politician Jokes
- Honest John Jokes
- More Honest Jokes
Funniest Honest Short Jokes
Short honest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The honest humour may include short genuine jokes also.
- My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
- What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian? The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.
- My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs
- I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist. To be honest, there were a lot of red flag
- My girlfriend just broke up with me for being too unamerican.. ..but honestly I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
- After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years... But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.
- Our local pizza guy has been arrested for selling drugs I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas
- Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.
But to be honest, I had been looking for an escape for a while. - My Husband died. (One for the Ladies.) After He died, I couldn't even look at another Man for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of Prison, I can honestly say it was worth it. - A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.
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Honest One Liners
Which honest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with honest? I can suggest the ones about trustworthy and honorable.
- My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly I'm not a fan.
- Terminator decided to stop killing and take up an honest job. Now he's an exterminator
- I just listened to a michael jackson album It was Bad to be honest
- I honestly cannot deal with puns. But I can with a deck of cards.
- Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions... ... Guy Fawkes
- Why do old hippies drink Honest Tea? Because proper tea is theft.
- Honestly you gotta hand it to short people No seriously they cant reach it themselves
- Lets be honest Oscar Pistorius will never set foot in a prison
- Three guys walk into a bar... Honestly the third guy should have seen it.
- My dad says I did a good job slicing the steak To be honest I think I butchered it
- What do you call someone that makes an honest living? Broke.
- Honestly this may be a hot take but mountains aren't funny They're hill areas
- My wife wants me to blow on her when she overheats But honestly...
...I'm not a fan - Has anyone else tried blindfolded archery? Honestly, you don't know what you're missing.
- What do you call an honest politician? A liar.
Let Be Honest Jokes
Here is a list of funny let be honest jokes and even better let be honest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- why does everyone feel the need to defend people in wheelchairs? Honestly, let them stand up for themselves.
- On our hike yesterday, my partner wouldn't let me take home any volcanic rocks And to be honest, I'm still a little basalty over it.
- Let's be honest... Finn was a little bit on the Dark side...
- Unfortunately, Verne Troyer passed away at 49, which is pretty young. But let's be honest, he pretty much always had a short life
Edit; we loved ya, rest in peace bud - Luke chided Han for blaming Chewbacca when everyone got caught in the tree net on the forest moon of Endor. But let's be honest: it *was* a Wookie mistake.
- People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest... Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.
- Model predicts 30% of Americans will die from Covid-19 but honestly nobody cares about your predictions Karlie Kloss. Let's leave the science to the scientists.
- Some people give Franklin Roosevelt a lot of flak... But let's be honest, he was a real standup guy.
- I hate when people exaggerate. Let's be honest, there's no way EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting.
- Netflix and chill is cool... But let's be honest guys, we know for most of you it's Netflix and Jill
Good Honest Jokes
Here is a list of funny good honest jokes and even better good honest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- To be honest, to this day I'm still in love with my last girlfriend. So it's a pretty good thing she's my wife, huh?
- A fellow redditor asked where all my karma came frome If you're good enough, it's honestly a piece of cake.
- I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt... They had some really weird goods for sale. Honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.
- I got an honours degree in calligraphy. To be honest I don't think it's going to help me get a job,
But it looks good on paper... - I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good. Honestly, it's a piece of cake.
- What is the only thing the autocanabalist wanted to talk about? How good his leg tastes... I mean honestly he is just so full of himself!
- Two mortgate brokers are chatting in a bar The first says, "An honest woman is a good investment."
The other replies, "True, but a woman with no principle gets a lot of interest!" - I'm an honest, hardworking kind of guy. I lied, I'm too lazy to even come up with a good punchline for this.
- I just bought a new Thesaurus... it's quite good, but to be honest it's nothing to write residence about
- How do you call a good liar? A honest person!
Honest Lawyer Jokes
Here is a list of funny honest lawyer jokes and even better honest lawyer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?" "I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"
"Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" - Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?... I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".
- LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man. WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.
- An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street... ...and they saw a £20 note. Who picked it up?
Santa. The other two don't exist. - A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
Why didn't you come sooner? asks the doctor.
To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house, the tumor says. - A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face... Doctor says, Why didn't you come sooner?
The tumor says, To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house. - A man is walking through a cemetery when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."
"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!" - What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.
- 2 little boys are arguing About whose dad has a better job. First says "mines a Dr." second says " well mines a lawyer" first says in disbelief " honest? " second says " naw the usual kind"
- A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
Honest Politician Jokes
Here is a list of funny honest politician jokes and even better honest politician puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Joke I heard on a Russian political discussion show. Do honest politicians exist?
Of course! But they are the most expensive! - What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician? It is possible that UFOs exist.
- I once saw a headstone that read "here lies a politician and an honest man." I wonder how they fit two people in one casket.
- Did you hear about the honest, trustworthy politician that recently had his constituents best interests in mind? Me neither.
- A man saw an epitaph in a cemetery which read: 'Here lies an honest man and politician.' 'Shame,' he cried, 'two people in the same grave!'
- What's the difference between an honest politician and a flying pig? There actually was a time when swine flu.
- An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend. - I once meet an honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.
- Heard about the honest politician from Illinois? Neither have I
- My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
Honest John Jokes
Here is a list of funny honest john jokes and even better honest john puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All this talk about John Cena I have heard so much about how much of a 'hard man' John Cena is! Honestly if he's so hard, why doesn't he come smash my head on this keyboarddhjfiefkejfjl
- General Mathis served in the marines for 44 years and John Dowd was a JAG for a few years # Jagass !!
*(No offence to the honest, decent JAGS and this is from a post I saw on fox forums)*
Howlingly Hilarious Honest Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about honest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean faithful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make honest pranks.
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven
When an old man approaches.
"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.
"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him very much. Later in life he went through many trials and transformations. He spread joy and his story is told all over the world even to this day."
Jesus looks at the man, with a tear in his eye, and says "Father?"
The man looks back; "... Pinocchio?"
Considerate.
*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
Found 4 fox cubs
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
JOB INTERVIEW
"So how did the interview go?" my wife asked me.
"I'm not too sure to be honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I'm a hard working person, I get on well with others, I won't let anyone down, blah blah blah, but then he sort of looked at me funny."
"How come?" she replied.
"Because I said blah blah blah."
Two small boys meet on the first day of school
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Jehova
This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."
It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...
and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a p**... and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"
"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"
When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...
One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on f**... myself
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.
The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed v**..., three men buried in the same grave!"
If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...
A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.
The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"
The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."
My boss was honest with me today.
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?
Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review
Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.
I was honest with my review: "This telescope s**.... Two Stars."
Silly Grandad
Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"
I just ate a pizza covered in pepperoni and chillies.
To be honest, I looked pretty ridiculous.
I'm adopted and I'm glad my parents were at least honest enough to tell me.
But why everyday?
A friend of mine told me that s**... after a vasectomy would hurt.
But to be honest I haven't noticed a vas deferens.
What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding?
A tourist.
Money-minded Cabbie!!
A guy is on a date with a girl, so he takes her to Lovers' Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you -- I'm a h**....'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having s**....
After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver, and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''
A woman tells her doctor, "Kiss me!"
The doctor says "What? Why would I do something like that?"
The woman says again, "Kiss me now!"
The doctor replies, "Certainly not!"
The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!"
The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having s**... right now!"
A lawyer named Strange died.
His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
Honestly, I'm just amazed he managed to pull it off.
When he first ran for president, nobody thought he could do it. When he started gaining in the polls, we all "knew" how it would end. But he showed us we were all wrong.
Congratulations to Barack Obama going eight years without being shot.
4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
I really hate babies.
When I went to Heavan...
I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him
Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan
Some people think working in a crematorium is weird...
but it's an honest way to urn a living
A guy finally buys his dream car
... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.
Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."
The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."
So I was teaching my brother English...
I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.
A brunette and redhead started laughing in the backyard when a blonde joined them.
The blonde said "What's so funny?" The honest brunette said, "Oh it's nothing." The tactful redhead said, "It's kind of an inside joke." The curious blonde said nothing, as she walked toward the back door.
I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known.
All the red flags were there.
Two atheists were lost in a desert.
Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"
Jewish Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, HONEST Jewish Judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So, the Judge said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers became uncomfortable.
" You, attorney John, gave me $ 50,000 and you, attorney Sam, gave me $ 60,000."
The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $ 10,000, He handed it to attorney Sam and said...
"Now that I'm returning $ 10,000, we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.
I saw a woman driving with her hazards on.
And I thought to myself, "At least she's honest."
A lot of people are calling me an honest stalker , whatever that means.
Not gonna lie, I see where they're coming from.
Honestly 2017 should be recreated as a haunted house attraction.
But instead of being scared, You get angry and offended.
I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all...
...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
As your doctor, I'm going to be honest with you.
You're fat.
I won't sugarcoat it because then you'll eat that too.
I honestly feel like sleeping is the thing I can do best.
In fact, I think I could even do it with my eyes closed.
My wife just said ' its funny how s**... is always better on holiday'
I'll be honest it's not the nicest postcard I've ever received
I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...
I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
An elderly woman is holding a f**... for her recently deceased husband
After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.
Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .
Through tears she says, Of course
He takes a moment and says Plethora .
His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.
I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world
It's really just a bit of an o**... action, don't you think?
My brother Seamus says 1 out of 5 people in the world are Chinese.
Well, there's five in our family... I know it's not me, it's not my mom, and it's not my dad. That leaves my two brothers: Seamus, and Xiaoping. And to be honest?
I think it's Seamus.
A woman tells her doctor, "Kiss me!"
The doctor says, "What? Why would I do something like that?"
The woman says again, "Kiss me now!"
The doctor replies, "Certainly not!"
The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!"
The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having s**... right now!"
A little boy asked his grandad where p**... came from
The grandad was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. The little boy looked a little perplexed and stared at him in stunned silence for a few seconds before asking "And Tigger?"
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
I drove my friends to the pub without a license.
If I'm honest, I don't know how they're still open.
My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uncomfortable.
To be honest, I thought it suited me.
Poor daddy
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and brown eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son truly my child?
The wife replied, I swear on everything holy that he is your son. With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered Thank goodness he didn't ask about the other three.
Can someone please tell me what TBH IDK mean?
and please stop saying to be honest i don't know
My son asked me "Where does p**... come from?"
I was a little uncomfortable, but I sat him down and gave him an honest explanation.
He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds, and asked "And Tigger?"
My son asked me where p**... came from
My son asked "Where does p**... come from?" It was uncomfortable but I gave him an honest answer. Looking up in silence and a little confused he asked "And Tigger?"
Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.
Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."
I honestly hope President Donald Trump gets better.
And I hope he recovers from Coronavirus as well.
A young lady sitting alone in a restaurant when maitre'd approaches with a presentable looking gentlemen
\- I am sorry. We are overbooked, but i see you have a sit available at your table. Would you mind if this gentlemen shares a table with you?
She agrees. And before taking his sit the gentlemen introduces himself.
\- Hello, My name is John Smith. I am a politician, but I want to let you know that I am a honest person.
She says:
\- It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Natasha, I am a high-priced p**..., but i want to let you know that i am a v**....
An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?
An African student responds: What's food?
A Western European student: What's scarcity?
An Eastern European student: What's honest?
A Chinese student: What's opinion?
A Russian student: What's your?
An American student: What's other countries?
What's the difference between a farmer and a p**...?
The farmer makes an honest living with his h**...
Wife: Honey, how do you like my new haircut? Husband: Can I be honest? Wife: Sure. …
Husband: I slept with your sister.
I called the RSPCA
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase''
