Honest Jokes
186 honest jokes and hilarious honest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about honest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article discusses the concept of "honest jokes" - which japes do not rely on lies or dishonesty, but instead are based on humor that is rooted in truth and earned respect. Like the historical figures of Honest John, Honest Abe, and an Honorable Politician, explore the idea of good-natured, honest humor, and what that means in today's world of white lies and subterfuge.
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Funniest Honest Short Jokes
Short honest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The honest humour may include short genuine jokes also.
- My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
- What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian? The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.
- I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist. To be honest, there were a lot of red flag
- Our local pizza guy has been arrested for selling drugs I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas
- My Husband died. (One for the Ladies.) After He died, I couldn't even look at another Man for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of Prison, I can honestly say it was worth it. - A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied. - "Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?" "I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"
"Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" - My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uncomfortable. To be honest, I thought it suited me.
- I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known. All the red flags were there.
- I saw a woman driving with her hazards on. And I thought to myself, "At least she's honest."
Share These Honest Jokes With Friends
Honest One Liners
Which honest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with honest? I can suggest the ones about trustworthy and honorable.
- Terminator decided to stop killing and take up an honest job. Now he's an exterminator
- I just listened to a michael jackson album It was Bad to be honest
- I honestly cannot deal with puns. But I can with a deck of cards.
- Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions... ... Guy Fawkes
- Lets be honest Oscar Pistorius will never set foot in a prison
- Three guys walk into a bar... Honestly the third guy should have seen it.
- My dad says I did a good job slicing the steak To be honest I think I butchered it
- Honestly this may be a hot take but mountains aren't funny They're hill areas
- What do you call someone that makes an honest living? Broke.
- What do you call an honest politician? A liar.
- What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.
- My coworker asked if I liked bread Honestly, it's my yeast favourite thing.
- What did the honest golfer say? I like big putts and I can not lie!
- Did you hear about the scrupulous seismologist? He was honest to a fault.
- I don't mind comic sans. It's honestly a very well rounded font.
Let Be Honest Jokes
Here is a list of funny let be honest jokes and even better let be honest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- On our hike yesterday, my partner wouldn't let me take home any volcanic rocks And to be honest, I'm still a little basalty over it.
- Let's be honest... Finn was a little bit on the Dark side...
- Unfortunately, Verne Troyer passed away at 49, which is pretty young. But let's be honest, he pretty much always had a short life
Edit; we loved ya, rest in peace bud - Luke chided Han for blaming Chewbacca when everyone got caught in the tree net on the forest moon of Endor. But let's be honest: it *was* a Wookie mistake.
- People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest... Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.
- Model predicts 30% of Americans will die from Covid-19 but honestly nobody cares about your predictions Karlie Kloss. Let's leave the science to the scientists.
- Some people give Franklin Roosevelt a lot of flak... But let's be honest, he was a real standup guy.
- I hate when people exaggerate. Let's be honest, there's no way EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting.
- Netflix and chill is cool... But let's be honest guys, we know for most of you it's Netflix and Jill
- I saw a samurai doing Seppuku today. Let's be honest the joke is already dead
Good Honest Jokes
Here is a list of funny good honest jokes and even better good honest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- To be honest, to this day I'm still in love with my last girlfriend. So it's a pretty good thing she's my wife, huh?
- A fellow redditor asked where all my karma came frome If you're good enough, it's honestly a piece of cake.
- I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt... They had some really weird goods for sale. Honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.
- I got an honours degree in calligraphy. To be honest I don't think it's going to help me get a job,
But it looks good on paper... - I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good. Honestly, it's a piece of cake.
- Two mortgate brokers are chatting in a bar The first says, "An honest woman is a good investment."
The other replies, "True, but a woman with no principle gets a lot of interest!" - I'm an honest, hardworking kind of guy. I lied, I'm too lazy to even come up with a good punchline for this.
- I just bought a new Thesaurus... it's quite good, but to be honest it's nothing to write residence about
- How do you call a good liar? A honest person!
- New presidential election rules, only 100% honest people can run. ... now we have until 2020 to find two honest people, it's not looking good.
Honest Lawyer Jokes
Here is a list of funny honest lawyer jokes and even better honest lawyer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man. WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.
- An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street... ...and they saw a £20 note. Who picked it up?
Santa. The other two don't exist. - A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
Why didn't you come sooner? asks the doctor.
To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house, the tumor says. - A man is walking through a cemetery when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."
"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!" - A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
- Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, an honest lawyer, and a drunk man are walking down a road. They see a coin on the floor. Who picks it up? The drunk man. The other three are mythical creatures.
- A boy and his mother passed a cemetery. The boy saw a gravestone read 'Here lies an honest lawyer'. He said to his mother "I thought Gandhi was cremated."
- Are they allowed to put two people in the same grave? Dont think so, why?
That headstone over there says: "here lies a lawyer and a honest man" - An honest lawyer, a happy santa and a merry elf find 100 $ how do they split it? 50 dollars to santa, 50 dollars to the elf, because there is no such thing as an honest lawyer!
- Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer.
"How's it going?", someone asked.
"Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
Honest Politician Jokes
Here is a list of funny honest politician jokes and even better honest politician puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Joke I heard on a Russian political discussion show. Do honest politicians exist?
Of course! But they are the most expensive! - What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician? It is possible that UFOs exist.
- I once saw a headstone that read "here lies a politician and an honest man." I wonder how they fit two people in one casket.
- Did you hear about the honest, trustworthy politician that recently had his constituents best interests in mind? Me neither.
- What's the difference between an honest politician and a flying pig? There actually was a time when swine flu.
- An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend. - I once meet an honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.
- Heard about the honest politician from Illinois? Neither have I
- My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
- Did you hear about the honest politicians? That's funny.
Niether did I.
Honest John Jokes
Here is a list of funny honest john jokes and even better honest john puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- General Mathis served in the marines for 44 years and John Dowd was a JAG for a few years # Jagass !!
*(No offence to the honest, decent JAGS and this is from a post I saw on fox forums)*
Howlingly Hilarious Honest Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about honest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean faithful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make honest pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had s**... with a flame thrower
To be honest, it was kinda hot
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven
When an old man approaches.
"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.
"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him very much. Later in life he went through many trials and transformations. He spread joy and his story is told all over the world even to this day."
Jesus looks at the man, with a tear in his eye, and says "Father?"
The man looks back; "... Pinocchio?"
Considerate.
*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
Found 4 fox cubs
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
JOB INTERVIEW
"So how did the interview go?" my wife asked me.
"I'm not too sure to be honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I'm a hard working person, I get on well with others, I won't let anyone down, blah blah blah, but then he sort of looked at me funny."
"How come?" she replied.
"Because I said blah blah blah."
Two small boys meet on the first day of school
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Jehova
This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...
and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a p**... and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"
"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...
One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on f**... myself
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a friend to be honest and tell me what my major character flaw was. He said, "Ok, well you think you know everything."
I said, "Tell me something I don't know d**...."
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
A New York Times reporter is interviewing some people
The first question asked is "What is your honest opinion about the shortage of meat in the world?"
The interview was a huge failure...
The African asks "What does meat mean?".
The American asks "What does shortage mean?".
The Chinese person asks "What does opinion mean?".
The Russian asks "What does honest mean?"
The North Korean just waits. The reporter asks again, and is told "The Interview is no good!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.
The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed v**..., three men buried in the same grave!"
My boss was honest with me today.
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?
Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review
Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.
I was honest with my review: "This telescope s**.... Two Stars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Silly Grandad
Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"
I just ate a pizza covered in pepperoni and chillies.
To be honest, I looked pretty ridiculous.
I'm adopted and I'm glad my parents were at least honest enough to tell me.
But why everyday?
If brand slogans were honest...
Hallmark: When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by
a corporation.
Ritz crackers: Tiny, edible plates.
CliffsNotes: They're still going to know you didn't read the book.
Gillette: We're just going to keep adding blades.
ChapStick: You'll misplace it before the tube's empty.
Hot Pockets: Every bite is a different temperature.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend of mine told me that s**... after a vasectomy would hurt.
But to be honest I haven't noticed a vas deferens.
What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding?
A tourist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Money-minded Cabbie!!
A guy is on a date with a girl, so he takes her to Lovers' Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you -- I'm a h**....'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having s**....
After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver, and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''
A lawyer named Strange died.
His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
Honestly, I'm just amazed he managed to pull it off.
When he first ran for president, nobody thought he could do it. When he started gaining in the polls, we all "knew" how it would end. But he showed us we were all wrong.
Congratulations to Barack Obama going eight years without being shot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt...
Only a cheetah can.
A restaurant accidentally served me the weirdest talking steak. "I'm not beef," it confessed.
It was an honest moose steak.
When I went to Heavan...
I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him
Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan
Some people think working in a crematorium is weird...
but it's an honest way to urn a living
A guy finally buys his dream car
... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.
Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."
The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."
If we're being honest, there is really only one country that has to worry about North Koreas nuclear weapons...
That country being North Korea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do old hippies drink Honest Tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
Honesty is the key to a good relationship.
If you can fake that, you're in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs
So I was teaching my brother English...
I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.
A brunette and redhead started laughing in the backyard when a blonde joined them.
The blonde said "What's so funny?" The honest brunette said, "Oh it's nothing." The tactful redhead said, "It's kind of an inside joke." The curious blonde said nothing, as she walked toward the back door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dude goes out on a date with his new Chinese girlfriend...
It goes so well that she invites him back to her place. "I had a wonderful time," she purrs at him. "I'm pretty much up for anything you want after a night like that."
The young guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, to be honest, I've always wanted to try a 69."
"Forget that!" she says. "There's no way I'm cooking chicken chow mein at this time of night!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"
Two atheists were lost in a desert.
Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"
Jewish Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, HONEST Jewish Judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So, the Judge said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers became uncomfortable.
" You, attorney John, gave me $ 50,000 and you, attorney Sam, gave me $ 60,000."
The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $ 10,000, He handed it to attorney Sam and said...
"Now that I'm returning $ 10,000, we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.
There was a woman breastfeeding in the park.
Fascinated, I walked over and said, "I hope you don't mind me being curious, but what's it like?"
"Oh," she said, "it's a bit uncomfortable if I'm honest."
I said, "I was talking to the baby."
A lot of people are calling me an honest stalker , whatever that means.
Not gonna lie, I see where they're coming from.
Honestly 2017 should be recreated as a haunted house attraction.
But instead of being scared, You get angry and offended.
A New Yorker visits a Texan
The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.
"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."
"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"
I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all...
...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I finally watched that Netflix sci-fi show that everyone is watching...
I keep hearing from everyone that it's a very wierd show, but to be honest, I've seen stranger things.
Watched a film called Speed Walker
To be honest, I found it hard to keep up. The pacing was terrible.
I'm going to be honest and admit that I have used my phone while driving.
But seriously, who hasn't done things they regret when they are hammered
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are r**... always so honest?
Because they don't have any teeth to lie through
I honestly feel like sleeping is the thing I can do best.
In fact, I think I could even do it with my eyes closed.
I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...
I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...
"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"
The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world
It's really just a bit of an o**... action, don't you think?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two kinda oldish guys visit a casino...
And they arrive at the Roulette table. "Hey, what number should we bet on?" "I dunno. How often do you have s**... in a week?" "12 times." "AWESOME! Me too! Let's bet on 12!".
The ball spins around and around and finally settles on the Zero.
Moral: Be honest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman tells her doctor, "Kiss me!"
The doctor says, "What? Why would I do something like that?"
The woman says again, "Kiss me now!"
The doctor replies, "Certainly not!"
The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!"
The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having s**... right now!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sat opposite a girl yesterday, for the life of me I couldn't remember her name.
I decided to just be honest and tell her, "I'm sorry but what was your name again".
"Jessica" she said. "Do you have trouble remembering girls names" she added in a wry way.
"Only the ugly ones" I blurted out.
Anyway to cut a long story short I didn't get the job.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
I drove my friends to the pub without a license.
If I'm honest, I don't know how they're still open.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day I dropped my baby nephew and my sister started freaking out
I understand that I should be more careful, but let's be honest, who the f*** brings a baby to the Grand Canyon?
Can someone please tell me what TBH IDK mean?
and please stop saying to be honest i don't know
