Honest Abe Jokes
7 honest abe jokes and hilarious honest abe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about honest abe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Honest Abe Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good honest abe joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
I love Honest Abe. Do you want to hear my favourite quote from him?
"My head hurts."
Why did they call him Honest Abe?
Because he was never caught a blinkin.
A man dies and goes to heaven
A man dies and goes to heaven.
While entering the golden gates, he sees Saint Peter, surrounded by ticking clocks.
The man asks ¨what are those clocks for?¨
Saint Peter replies ¨These are lie clocks, and every time a person tells a lie, they tick. For example Mother Theresa gave her life to god, so she has no ticks. Honest Abe has told 1 lie, so he has 1 tick¨
The man, thinking hes being smart says ¨what about Donald Trumps clock?¨
Saint Peter answers saying ¨Oh, that's in Jesus's office, its being used as a fan!¨
Ghosts in the Whitehouse
One night, Donald J Trump was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the Whitehouse. Trump asks "George, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honourable example, just as I did" Washington said.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved though the dark bedroom. "Tom," Trump asks, "What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises
Trump didn't sleep well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe. what is the best thing I can do the help the country?" Trump asks.
Abe answered, "Go see a play"
A man dies and goes to heaven but he sees there are a lot of clocks displayed at the Pearly Gates.
The man is stricken with curiosity and asks Saint Peter.
"Hey, what are those clocks for?" he asks.
"Oh, those are the clocks of lies," Saint Peter replies. "Every time one tells a lie, their clock moves one minute from 12 o'clock. Look, there's Honest Abe's," points Saint Peter at a clock set at 12:02. "Here are those of our saints," Saint Peter points to another bunch of clocks, some at 12:05, 12:03, times which are barely away from 12 o'clock.
"Hmm...where are the politicians' clocks?" the man asks Saint Peter again.
"Oh they're in our offices. We use them as electric fans."
A Man visits Heaven and notices a wall of clocks...
The man asks God, "What are all those clocks for?"
"They represent each time someone lies. When they do, the clock moves one tick."
The man walks around, observing the clocks. "Who right here has zero ticks?" he questions.
"That would be Jesus' clock." replies God.
"What about Abraham Lincoln's clock?"
"Honest Abe has two ticks on his."
Curious about the clocks, the man decides to ask, "Where is the President's clock?"
God looks up at the man and tells him, "Oh, that clock's not here. It's in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St.
Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"
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