Homicide Jokes

41 homicide jokes and hilarious homicide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about homicide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Explore the dark side of humor with this unique article that offers a unique perspective on homicide jokes. Take a look at how homicide detectives, homicidal felons, and fugitive criminals can have a laugh together. See how dark humor can be used to make light of a serious subject.

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Funniest Homicide Short Jokes

Short homicide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The homicide humour may include short manslaughter jokes also.

  1. Police are asking the public to be on the look out for a homicidal chiropractor. The Chief reports that the best line of defense is to watch your back.
  2. A homicidal and a suicidal patent are put in the same room in a psych ward. The suicidal person says "well that makes 2 people that want me dead."
  3. A Suicidal person and a Homicidal person are roomed together in a psyche ward The homicidal person says "we share a common interest"
  4. 1 in 3 homicides start with a passive aggressive note. But of course you are too busy to read it.
  5. New names!!! Instead of "anti-vaxxers" we should call them "measles enthusiasts".
    Or for that matter ,we can call them "silent homiciders".
  6. thanksgiving holiday weekend where the entire country gives thanks on Thursdays and becomes homicidal on Friday in preparation for the birth of the prince of peace.
  7. Why was the PTA meeting h**... difficult to solve? Because it wasn't apparent who did it.
  8. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 8 and 9 died in a double h**... and 7 is the **prime** suspect.
  9. What's a difference between a crusade and a h**... In one, you m**... for a book and in other you are booked for a m**....
  10. A serial killer plead guilty to h**... after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,
    "It fills me with energy."
    He was charged with m**....

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Homicide One Liners

Which homicide one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with homicide? I can suggest the ones about assassination and massacre.

  1. What did the homicidal inventor say to his last victim? Time to DIY
  2. What did the homicidal vegetarian say? I would kale for some salad.
  3. What do you call a homicidal musician mathematician politician? Al-Gore-Rhythm
  4. How many parents does it take to raise a homicidal maniac? Two, then one, then none
  5. What did the homicidal vacuum say to his kid? "Dyson"
  6. What do you call Salvador Dali after multiple h**...? A surreal killer.
  7. What's the surest way to ruin a friendship? h**...
  8. What is it called when Santa runs down someone with his sleigh? A h**...-h**...-h**....
  9. What is it called when you run over a worm? Vermicular h**...
  10. Why was the bird shop h**... difficult to solve? Because it wasn't a parrot who did it.
  11. What do h**... detectives bake with? Doe.
  12. What do you call spanish s**... squad ? h**... hombres
  13. My entire life is just a test To see whether I'll commit s**... or h**... first.
  14. If a group of crows is a m**..., what do you call a group of pigs? A h**....
  15. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a homicidal r**....

Double Homicide Jokes

Here is a list of funny double homicide jokes and even better double homicide puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Dark Her:come over
    Me:I can't I'm under arrest for double h**...
    Her:my parents aren't home
    Me: about that..
  • Some people don't like math. All I said was 2+1-2=1. Now I'm being charged with a double h**....

Homicide Detective Jokes

Here is a list of funny homicide detective jokes and even better homicide detective puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Vice Presidents and h**... Detectives have a similar job... ...They both work if someone dies
Homicide joke, Vice Presidents and h**... Detectives have a similar job...

Homicide joke, Vice Presidents and h**... Detectives have a similar job...

Uproarious Homicide Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about homicide you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stabbed death jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make homicide pranks.

But is it m**...?

A h**... detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a m**...?" "Well you can't be sure that's a m**...," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."

a policeman calls for backup

Dispatch, we've got a h**... here. Looks like This old lady just shot her husband. She claims it was because he kept tracking dirt over her freshly mopped floors. Over
Understood, is the suspect in custody? Over.
No dispatch. The floor isn't dry yet.

A homicidal r**... is holding hands with a little girl.

They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".

A cop calls up the station

Cop: "This is officer John. We have a h**... case here. A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean."
HQ: "Have you arrested the woman?"
Cop: "No sir, the floor is still wet."

Two cops contacts with h**... via radio:

- Send in a team ... - What is situation? - The m**..., the victim is a man, 38 years old, his mother struck him with a knife several times for entering on the wet, just cleaned floor. - Did you arrest her? - No, the floor still wet.

Detective Work

A urologist is sitting down to lunch when he gets a call from a NYPD detective. Puzzled, he picks up the phone and listens as the detective details the fact patterns of a h**.... After about 5 minutes the detective finishes, re-summarizes the facts, and asks the urologist: "Who do you think committed the m**...?"
The urologist says "Listen, fella, I think you have the wrong number. I'm a doctor."
The detective says "Right! So, in urinalysis, who committed the crime?

What part of the police department does Gumby work in?

Rubbery h**....
This joke was the first thing that popped in my head when I woke up today.

Why did the drum player commit s**... after being charged with h**...?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

Two cops are called to a building.

-Central, we have a h**... here, a man was killed by his wife after he walked on the recently mopped floor
-Have you made an arrest?
-No! the floor's still wet!

Why was 7 arrested for h**...?

Because somebody divided 14 into 2 and he was the prime suspect

Homicide joke, What did the homicidal inventor say to his last victim?