Homemade Jokes

Following is our collection of Homemade funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Homemade jokes

I got an iPad from my chinese friend...

I love homemade gifts!

I got an iPad for my birthday from my Chinese friend.

Nothing beats a homemade present!

Purchased Vs. Homemade

Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers.

"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."

Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."

"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves! that I was HOMEMADE."

My Chinese roommate and I decided to give each other homemade christmas gifts this year!

I'm hoping for an iPad!

A Fireman See's a Little Girl

that has her own homemade firetruck with her dog and a red wagon.He says to the little girl, "That's a nice looking firetruck little missy!" She then says, "Thank You!" He keeps checking it out when he notices that the rope that's tied to the wagon is tied to the dogs testicles.He tells the little girl, "Sweetie, I think your firetruck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied to the dogs neck." She replies, "Oh I know that Sir!But then it wouldn't have a siren!"

What did 50 Cent say to his grandma after she gave him a homemade scarf?

"Gee, You Knit?"

Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments?

Domestic violins!

Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a woman, frozen, and preserved in time. He instantly fell in love with her. However, after a while of trying the relationship, he realized it wouldn't work out. He just couldn't break the ice.

Did you hear about the boy who ate his exam? Three hours later and he still hadn't passed his test.

Did you know Chinese-Americans never get homesick!?

Because for them, everything here is homemade.

What do a plate of homemade brownies and a golden shower have in common?

Urine for a treat.

What do you call a funny mosquito?

What do you call a funny mosquito?
-My gf's homemade joke

How were the cast of Friends able to escape a desert island on a homemade raft?

Because Lisa Kudrow.

This past Christmas I told my wife that all I wanted for Christmas was an Xbox.

That's it. Beginning and end of the list; Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of our wedding. That was fine, because I got her an Xbox.

I passed a group of Girl Scouts this morning, with a stall that read..

.."Home-Made Lemonade: £15.00, Oral Sex: £5.00"

"Here's twenty pounds, girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up," I chuckled.

"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade," said the sweaty fat one.

My brother recently got married

To celebrate, my mother decided to pull out a couple bottles from my late father's homemade alcohol collection.

That way he could be there in spirits

I told my Chinese friend that I like homemade gifts....

So for Christmas he gave me an iPhone, iPad and an iMac.

My sister gave me some of her homemade exfoliating genital scrub to try. Made with 100% Arabica coffee grounds.

I said I hope it doesn't keep me up all night.

My friend once talked me out of jumping off a building with my new homemade glider wings.

He said I didnt understand the gravity of the situation.

I was cutting up a homemade pizza and exclaimed "wow, this cheese is stringy"

My four year old daughter's reply

"Stringier than a yo-yo"

What's considered an homemade gift in China?

An IPhone.

Yesterday I was making some homemade pizza when my doctor called to inform me that I only had 24 hours to live, that's when I realized...

This is the last pizza ill ever knead

My homemade bread turned out very well,

kneadless to say.

While we're doing homemade jokes: "Why didn't the soviet's car go?"

Because the engine was Stalin!

^it ^kinda ^works ^on ^two ^levels!


A man with a Russian accent walks into a bar.
Actually it was more Poll-ish

I guess you could say all houses are...


My buddy said that he was planning on making homemade bread.

I told him to let me know if he kneeds anything.

Made some homemade Pear Jam today...

Can say it doesn't get Eddie Vedder than that!

My wife said she made me homemade ravioli dinner...

And I was like, "this is obviously Chef Boyardee, it for sure came out of a can."

She replied, as she held her thumbs up to her chest, "yeah, but this Hoe made it!"

I had to take back all the home-made gifts I gave out for Christmas this year...

Apparently my Wife didn't like the idea everyone having a copy of our sex tape.

Everything's better homemade...

...pie, taco salad, meth!

Why were the prisoners of Alcatraz upset when the shortest inmate broke free by sliding down his homemade rope?

It was a little condescending.

How do nuns and monks make children?

Cell splitting.

My own homemade joke even though it has probably been done before

My daughter baked home-made yucky-looking cookies for Halloween.

It was a Gross Domestic Product.

What do you call it when you've flushed away your homemade banana weed pipe to get rid of evidence?

The evidence has slipped away!!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes