homemade Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious homemade puns

I got an iPad from my chinese friend...

I love homemade gifts!


Got an IPad from my chinese friend...

Nothing beats homemade gifts.


I got an iPad for my birthday from my Chinese friend.

Nothing beats a homemade present!


My Chinese roommate and I decided to give each other homemade christmas gifts this year!

I'm hoping for an iPad!


A Fireman See's a Little Girl

that has her own homemade firetruck with her dog and a red wagon.He says to the little girl, "That's a nice looking firetruck little missy!" She then says, "Thank You!" He keeps checking it out when he notices that the rope that's tied to the wagon is tied to the dogs testicles.He tells the little girl, "Sweetie, I think your firetruck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied to the dogs neck." She replies, "Oh I know that Sir!But then it wouldn't have a siren!"


A woman asks her husband at breakfast..

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving".


What did 50 Cent say to his grandma after she gave him a homemade scarf?

"Gee, You Knit?"


Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments?

Domestic violins!


Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a woman, frozen, and preserved in time. He instantly fell in love with her. However, after a while of trying the relationship, he realized it wouldn't work out. He just couldn't break the ice.

Did you hear about the boy who ate his exam? Three hours later and he still hadn't passed his test.


Did you know Chinese-Americans never get homesick!?

Because for them, everything here is homemade.


Secret combination of ingredients for homemade Viagra discovered

Add 2 parts MiracleGro to 1 part Fix-A-Flat


What do a plate of homemade brownies and a golden shower have in common?

Urine for a treat.


What do you call a funny mosquito?

What do you call a funny mosquito?
-My gf's homemade joke


How were the cast of Friends able to escape a desert island on a homemade raft?

Because Lisa Kudrow.


This past Christmas I told my wife that all I wanted for Christmas was an Xbox.

That's it. Beginning and end of the list; Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of our wedding. That was fine, because I got her an Xbox.


I passed a group of Girl Scouts this morning, with a stall that read..

.."Home-Made Lemonade: £15.00, Oral Sex: £5.00"

"Here's twenty pounds, girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up," I chuckled.

"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade," said the sweaty fat one.


My brother recently got married

To celebrate, my mother decided to pull out a couple bottles from my late father's homemade alcohol collection.

That way he could be there in spirits


I told my Chinese friend that I like homemade gifts....

So for Christmas he gave me an iPhone, iPad and an iMac.


My friend once talked me out of jumping off a building with my new homemade glider wings.

He said I didnt understand the gravity of the situation.


Yesterday I was making some homemade pizza when my doctor called to inform me that I only had 24 hours to live, that's when I realized...

This is the last pizza ill ever knead


What does porn and cookies have in common?

Their both better when homemade!


I was cutting up a homemade pizza and exclaimed "wow, this cheese is stringy"

My four year old daughter's reply

"Stringier than a yo-yo"


What's considered an homemade gift in China?

An IPhone.


My homemade bread turned out very well,

kneadless to say.


While we're doing homemade jokes: "Why didn't the soviet's car go?"

Because the engine was Stalin!

^it ^kinda ^works ^on ^two ^levels!


I guess you could say all houses are...




A man with a Russian accent walks into a bar.
Actually it was more Poll-ish


My buddy said that he was planning on making homemade bread.

I told him to let me know if he kneeds anything.


What did 50 cent say to his grandmother who gave him a homemade sweater?

Gee, you knit?


I had to take back all the home-made gifts I gave out for Christmas this year...

Apparently my Wife didn't like the idea everyone having a copy of our sex tape.


Everything's better homemade...

...pie, taco salad, meth!


Bob dies and his 3 close friends meet at a bar.

They meet to discuss what to do with Bob's ashes.

The first friend says "Bob and I used to hike a lot so I think we should scatter his ashes in the mountains."

The second friend says "Well Bob and I used to spend weekends fishing. I think we should put the ashes in his favourite lake."

Finally his third friend says "What you guys didn't know is that Bob and I were gay lovers. I want to take Bob's ashes and put them into my homemade chilli so I can feel him tear through my ass one more time."


A home-made original

what did the jedi get from the italian bakery?
[only one cannoli](/spoiler)


What did 50 Cent say when his granny surprised him with a home-made sweater?

"Gee U KNIT?"


What did the mohel bring to the BBQ potluck?

His homemade Bris-kit.


What are the most funny Homemade jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Homemade? Well, here are the best Homemade dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Homemade pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes