Homeless People Jokes
96 homeless people jokes and hilarious homeless people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about homeless people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Homeless People Short Jokes
Short homeless people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The homeless people humour may include short homeless jokes also.
- 2 reasons why I don't give money to homeless people. 1. They need money for drugs
2. I need money for drugs - i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in
- Q: What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend? A: Homeless.
These just jokes people... - Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society. Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!
- It's flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other. They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in God Bless.
- Sometimes when I give money to homeless people, bystanders shout "Why bother? They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!"... oh, like I wasn't?!
- There was a demonstration by homeless people in my town today. They were demanding change.
- People think I'm an idiot, just because I'm a homeless man that asks people to debate with me. I beg to differ.
- Dandelions are like the homeless people of the flower world. Give them a little crack and a bit of water and they can thrive anywhere.
- What is the difference between homeless people and feminists? Sometimes the homeless get change.
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Homeless People One Liners
Which homeless people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with homeless people? I can suggest the ones about homeless shelter and poor people.
- What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard? A pillow fight.
- What do homeless people get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
- Why are homeless people the best spies Because they can't afford to be seen
- I know a lot of jokes about homeless people But none of them work
- Do cannibals refer to... Homeless people as Free Range ?
- I never give money to homeless people ...because I know i'm going to buy booze with it.
- What instrument is played only by homeless people? The hoboe.
- What do a house and clean clothes have in common? Homeless people have neither.
- What's the difference between homeless people and cancer? Cancer got Jobs.
- What do you call a group of poor homeless people that show up to a party? Party paupers
- What do homeless people eat for breakfast? Cardboard-hydrates
- Why are people homeless? I mean just get a house
- Why did 'the guy' who slept between homeless people got arrested? because he had mushroom
- Which group of people are the straightest and why? Homeless people
They got no home-o - Why are homeless people homeless? Just buy a house lol
Cheeky Homeless People Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about homeless people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean refugees jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make homeless people pranks.
2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people:
1. They would spend it on alcohol.
2. I want to spend it on alcohol.
Giving to the less fortunate
A homeless man had been driven to picking small blades of grass that he could find on the side of the street for food.
Then, a rich man drove up next to him, riding in a limo, and told him to get inside for a more plentiful meal.
The homeless man, almost taken aback by tears of joy, starts to enter the limo, but suddenly stops. He says "This is a very generous offer sir, but I have a wife and young child as well who are just as hungry as I am". "Thats fine", says the rich man, "the more people the better".
The homeless man starts to breakdown, saying, "I will never forget this sir, it has been so long since my family and I have had a proper meal". The rich man gives a confused look, and says, "I don't think you understand, the grass in my yard is a foot tall".
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Honor Guard bagpiper
As an Honor Guard bagpiper, I play many gigs for other people. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a county cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
Apparently, I'm still lost… It's a man thing.
A joke I came up with when I was 10
What city do homeless people live in?
Hoboken
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Why are homeless people always laughing?
Because they crack themselves up!
Topical Jokes for 6/11
In California, a ten-year-old boy has graduated from high school. And in Florida, a ten-year-old girl has dropped out of school because she's pregnant.
…the boy has already sent out a college application, which was written in magic marker, on the back of a Fruit Roll Up.
Casey Kasem's family has decided to take him off of life support. They made the decision after Kasem's brain activity shot to the bottom of the charts.
Starbucks has announced their new tables will wirelessly charge phones placed on them. *Annnd* electrocute sleeping homeless people.
Where do homeless people read about their friends deaths?
In the hobobituaries
People cry about homeless dogs...
Yet it's free to adogt them and no one dogs...
My friends yell at me for giving money to homeless people...
"You know he's just going to spend it on alcohol and cigarettes, right?" Oh, and I wasn't?
I was told you should give homeless people money for food
But the grocery store seems to work better.
Why do homeless people hate Mondays?
Because they don't have anywhere to live.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do liberals and homeless people have in common?
They are always asking for change.
When the pope dines with homeless people hes an amazing person.
When I do it I'm just another homeless person.
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I hate when homeless people beg me for money. No, buddy, I'm not giving you money to buy drugs. I need that money to buy drugs.
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s**... with homeless people is in-tents.
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Saw these two homeless people making out and was like...
...get a room!
I saw a bunch of homeless people fighting in skid row
It was in tents
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What do you call an STD for homeless people?
Hermit c**...
I was talking to a friend's little girl...
I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.'
She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?
And I said, Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart.
In United States, what would a homeless people say when you give him/her some coins?
Gracias.
What do you call a group of homeless people gathering together in the streets?
A house party.
My friend is scared of the homeless people he sees on the streets.
I told him to stop being hobophobic.
I don't know why people still want to become veterinarians...
...they all end up homeless.
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If I'm attracted to homeless people of the same s**......
Does that make me a hobosexual?
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What do s**... and The Big Issue have in common? (Original Joke)
I buy them exclusively from homeless people
Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless?
They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year.
What do homeless people and lakes have in common?
They freeze in winter.
To celebrate the new year, the UK set off tonnes of fireworks in London. GF: this is such a waste of money. There are homeless people and people starving, and the government pay for this!
Me: yes, but blowing them up would be wrong.
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Two reasons I won't give money to homeless people.
1. They're probably just going to buy beer with that money.
2. I'm going to buy beer with that money.
Libertarian Paradise...
People often criticize a libertarian paradise saying that the homeless people would just be left to die in the gutter. This is of course complete bull. The gutter would be private property and the homeless will need to find somewhere else to die.
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My brother's s**... preference is homeless people.
I guess you could say he is a hobosexual.
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There is this old wooden pillar in my town where all of the homeless people d**.... We call it...
shitpost
1 reason I don't give money to homeless people
Change comes from within.
New studies show that becoming a chef is the number one job for homeless people after re-integration into society...
Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.
There was going to be a big thanksgiving dinner in the hood for homeless people and it was canceled .
Because the cameras weren't working
How many homeless people does it take to change a light bulb?
Only 1. It's not that difficult of a task.
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I hate when homeless people call me sir
With all things being considered I'm at least a Duke
What are the homeless people of NYC getting this Christmas?
frostbite
I think breastfeeding in public should be encouraged
There are a lot of hungry homeless people.
There were some monks in a monastery...
...and they were looking after homeless people. The first homeless person goes up to the Abbot and says "Abbot I've sinned". The Abbot replies "Well how have you sinned?". The man replies "I stole money from a shop", "Go and drink from the fountain and you'll feel better.
The second homeless man goes up and explains that he had sinned by cheating on his wife. The Abbot again tells him to go and drink from the fountain and he would feel better.
The third homeless man goes up to the abbot and says "Abbot I've sinned" the Abbot replies "Well how have you sinned?". The man answers "I peed in the fountain".
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A group of homeless people ran to the shelter and the employees were overwhelmed.
One might say they were...b**... rushed.
Where do homeless people live in LA?
Campton
A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles
And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."
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What do you call two homeless people having s**... in an alley?
Poorn
Where do homeless people live?
They live everywhere
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I'm terrified of homeless people.
You can say I'm hobophobic.
Homeless people are a lot like wikipedia
If you give them $3 they might make it till next year!
They should have a GoFundMe to refund the money back to the people that scammed everyone with the homeless dude GoFundMe
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Why do homeless people shout so much?
Because they don't have an inside voice.
I don't think antivaxxers are such a big problem.
I was just walking through the subway when I saw 2 homeless people vaccinating themselves.
I tried to tell a joke about homeless people eating garbage, but it didn't go well...
I realize now that it was in bad taste.
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I feel so bad for homeless LGBTQ people
They have no closet to come out of
Two homeless are on the street in front of the Vatican...
One has a big cross and the other a star of David. The pope sees them and stops his whole entourage to go speak to them. He says to the beggar under the star of David, "my son this is a Catholic country. You're never going to get any charity with this Jewish emblem above you, especially as the fellow right next to you has a cross above him. In fact, I'll bet some people would give to him purely to spite you."
The one beggar turns to the other and says, "hey Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldberg brothers about marketing!"
I saw a couple of homeless people today
I split a 10 dollar bill for them.
They didn't seem so happy after that.
I wish my house was big enough to let all the homeless people in my town live there.
I wouldn't actually let any of them live there, I just want to give an example of how large I want my house.
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Why did homeless people vote for Obama?
Because he said he'd bring change.
