Homeland Security Jokes
7 homeland security jokes and hilarious homeland security puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about homeland security that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Humorous Homeland Security Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What is a good homeland security joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
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I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-a**... neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
First trip to the USA
My friend and I visited the USA. We landed at LAX and after an epoch, we cleared Homeland Security and got our luggage.
My friend immediately pulled out a pair of brown, furry, shoulder length gloves and pulled them on. I stared at him. He looked ridiculous - the gloves even had claws.
"What are you doing??" I asked incredulously.
""Exercising my freedom. Now I'm here, I have the right to Bear arms!"
I prefer to do my stand up comedy in airports
As long as TSA and Homeland Security do their job, there's no way I'd bomb
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I called the s**... hotline today
Now homeland security is investigating my ties to ISIS.
What do you call it when Homeland Security agents rip screaming children from their parent's arms on a hot Sunday afternoon?
An ICE-scream Sunday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
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