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Home Repair Jokes

18 home repair jokes and hilarious home repair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about home repair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Home Repair Short Jokes

Short home repair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The home repair humour may include short home improvement jokes also.

  1. I have a dream of opening a business that sells purple pitted fruit as well as offering home water service repair I'll call it Plum and Plumber
  2. My wife told me I am horrible at home-repairs. Welp, All I can say is that she is in for a shock....
  3. Hey guys, it's sad to say that I come from a broken home. We're hoping to repair the staircase soon.

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Home Repair One Liners

Which home repair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with home repair? I can suggest the ones about handyman and repair services.

  1. Did You hear about the new Home Repair show for Gay men? Its called Holmes on Holmes.
  2. What kind of home repairs are dogs good at? Roofing.
  3. I stole a dog from the car repairing shop. But on the ride home, he made a brake for it.
  4. i've been doing home repairs. since i started using black caulk, i haven't gone back.

Home Repair Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about home repair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean repairman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make home repair pranks.

A guy comes back home to his small town from overseas at the end of WWII. The town plans a big parade for him the next day. He remembers that the day before he shipped out three years earlier, he left a pair of dress shoes at the shoemaker's for repair.

He finds the receipt ticket and rushes to the shoemaker's to get them. The shoemaker examines the ticket and disappears into the back for a couple of minutes. When he returns he says, "They'll be ready Thursday."

A man comes home to find his door lock is not working properly

He promptly unscrews the hinges, picks up the door and takes it to the market to repair the lock.
The locksmith asks *"If the door's here...what if someone walks into your house?"*
Confused, he replies *"How would anyone get in when I have the door?"*

I was at a garage sale yesterday

My wife saw a beautiful grandfather clock, but the guy told her it was beyond repair.
The little hand was broken, and it wouldn't move, so the clock was basically useless.
The guy said if we could fix it, we could take it home with us.
My wife kicked the clock, making the little hand start moving again.
Needless to say, the clock is hours.

The Clock in the Window

A man was exploring some back streets in a city, when he saw a little shop with a clock in the window - which reminded him that his mantle clock was broken. So he returned home, got his clock, and returned to the shop.
He entered and put it on the counter, saying "Can you repair this?"
The shopkeeper, who was a small Jewish man, replied "I don't repair clocks - I'm a Mohel."
The man looked puzzled, until the shopkeeper explained that he performed circumcisions.
"Then why have you got a clock in your window?" he asked. The little man looked at him.
"So what would you put in the window?"

A man comes home drunk late at night.

He hears his cuckoo clock strike four a.m.
Vaguely remembering he promised his wife to be home before midnight, his mind races to come up with a plan: He imitates the clock's call some more times, and his wife will be none the wiser. When he finally goes to bed, his wife doesn't say a word; no lecture, no tirade.
The next morning, his wife says "You'll have to take the clock for repairs, dear."
"Why's that, it worked so nicely when I got home at eleven."
"Yeah, well first the clock called four times, then seven more times, then it gave a burp, hit the wardrobe and got some serious hiccups, that's not normal for a clock."

"What do I look like?"

A man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife.
"Honey, my car got a flat, can you fix it for me?"
"What do I look like", He asks "The michelin tire guy? Get me a beer." And goes and watches TV/
The next day his wife greets him again after work.
"Honey, the dishwasher is on the fritz. Can you take a look at it?" She asks.
"What do I look like? The Maytag repair guy?" He asks roughly. "Get me a beer." And goes to watch TV.
The third day the man comes home and his wife greets him.
"Honey, it's the greatest thing. John from next door came over and fixed the dishwasher AND my flat tire. All I had to do was bake him a cake or sleep with him." She tells him.
"Oh, what kind of cake did you bake?" The husband asks.
The wife replies, "What do I look like, Betty Crocker?"

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my Mrs. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?
Cheers