Home Loan Jokes
10 home loan jokes and hilarious home loan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about home loan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Home Loan Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good home loan joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face?
Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in line at a busy bank...
I was in line at the bank and it was very busy so I had to wait awhile. At the front was a lesbian couple setting up a 529 plan for their new daughter's education. Behind them was a gay man waitinf to refinance his car. A bisexual couple was behind the gay guy talking about a home equity loan. Behind them was a trans person looking for HSA advice for upcoming treatment. I just had to wait behind the LGBT queue.
A man goes to the bank...
and asks for a home-improvement loan.
The loan officer asks him what home improvements he plans to do.
The man responds, "well, I'd like to send my wife on a 6-month vacation."
The loan officer replies, "sir, a vacation for your wife isn't a home improvement."
The man says, "well, have you seen my wife?"
What do you call Macaulay Culkin's second Italian mortgage
Home'a loan 2
2 Old Friends get in a terrible fight,
One of them declares " I'm not going to be your friend any more. I'm going home and get everything I ever borrowed and bring it all back!" "What about the money I've loaned you?" "Well... I'm not that mad at you!"
Not quite the same as turning water into wine but . . .
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!!'
If you don't love your job...
Take a home loan and you'll start loving it.
A Frog walks into a bank
A Frog walks into a bank at 4:45 and goes over to Patricia Black the loan officer. Frog says " Hey Patty I need a loan". Patty says "You will need some kind of collateral". Frog reaches in and pulls out something from his pocket and shows it to Ms. Black. Patty looks at it and says "I don't know what that is, I will have to see if the old man upstairs will come and look at this, it is getting late and he will want to leave soon". Old man comes down, Ms. Black shows him the frog's collateral and says "I don't know what this is". The old man looks at it and says..........." That's a knic-knac Patty Black give the frog a loan, this old man is going home ".
Cheating for "Good" Reasons
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Home Loan Troubles
So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit.
He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says "Here's my deposit, give me a loan". The teller replies "I'm sorry that's really not good enough, you need money".
Kermit tells her that it's all he has and it will have to do. When the teller denies his request once more, he starts to get a bit angry. "Do you know who my dad is? He's m**... JAGGER." Kermit says forceably.
"I WANT YOUR MANAGER", Kermit yells. She lets out a sigh and wanders off to find her manager.
The teller explains to her manager the story about the deposit, the china elephant, and who it belongs to.
The manager places his palm on his face, looks up and says, "Jesus christ.. it's a knick knack Paddywhack, give the frog a loan.. his old man's from The Rolling Stones".
It is a cringe worthy joke, but I thought I'd share it.
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