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Home Depot Jokes

68 home depot jokes and hilarious home depot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about home depot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Home Depot Short Jokes

Short home depot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The home depot humour may include short hardware store jokes also.

  1. This year, Home Depot is selling Christmas decorations in the second aisle of the housewares section. Aisle B, Home for Christmas.
  2. Oh sure, when Thor throws a hammer, he's a hero! But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"
  3. I was arrested for punching an elderly African-American lady at Home Depot. My wife told me to find a Black N' Decker.
  4. If you're looking for men to date, don't go to bars, Go to Home Depot. It's 90% men, and they are already looking for projects to work on.
  5. Saw a guy in the power tool department at Home Depot who looked a lot like Elvis. Returned a sander.
  6. How do you kill a cat with 16 lives? You run it over with a 4x4.
    Bonus joke.
    How do you kill a cat with 8 lives at home depot?
    You hit it with a 2x4
  7. How do you know you got everything on a trip to home depot? Easy, you're on your third trip to Home Depot.
  8. Blind Man I just passed a blind man in home depot. He was dressed head to toe in camouflage. I assume he was trying to even the playing field. Well done sir. (True Story)
  9. I decided against breaking into the Home Depot to steal their largest egg beater... It was too big a whisk
  10. What do you call it when someone comes to your house and takes all your pottery? Home Depot.

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Home Depot One Liners

Which home depot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with home depot? I can suggest the ones about depot and home improvement.

  1. My blind friend went to Home Depot... he picked up a hammer and saw!
  2. Me: I want to take a bath. Home Depot Employee: You need to pay for it first.
  3. My wife asked for black caulk for her birthday I can't find it at Lowe's or Home Depot.
  4. I peed in the shower once The manager of Home Depot kicked me out
  5. Today, I took a shower You have no idea how hard it was to get it out of Home Depot.
  6. What's a Home Depot employee's favourite game The customer is lava
  7. What did the lizard get at home depot? Reptile.
  8. What does Home Depot take when it can't sleep? Bin of Drills
  9. If you don't shop at Home Depot... You must've hit a new lowe
  10. Yo mama like home depot 10 cents a screw.
  11. The Home Depot and his Ace went to Prison You could say they both had all time Lowes.
  12. What do Asian Women and Home Depot have in common
  13. What did the Canadian pick up at Home Depot to help him in his garden? A Hose, eh
  14. Today, I took a bath I'm glad that the Home Depot hasn't found out about it yet.
  15. Why don't Mexicans like going to Home Depot? Because it's short for Home Deportation.

Home Depot joke, Why don't Mexicans like going to Home Depot?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about home depot can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of home depot puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Home Depot Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about home depot you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean home repair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make home depot prank.

A guy walks into Home Depot and states to the iilliterate worker, "I want to get grout and amonia." The worker says, "You'll have to gain 50 pounds and sleep with the window open."

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

When miley cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer..it's "art" and "music".

But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "have to leave Home Depot".

What's the difference anti-vaxxer parents and Home Depot?

If you get a bad case of shingles, Home Depot will take it back.

How to get rid of ants.

Go to Home Depot or Wall-mart and buy a can of black spray paint. Any brand works great.
Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.
The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds. Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

Did you hear about the prison escape?

Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.

Where will Donald Trump find the workers to build this Great Wall?

Outside of Home Depot......
Maybe I should shoot myself in the foot. Not trying to be racists, but you get the point.

They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic a**... or foster houses.

It will be called the Broken Home Depot.

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a power tool?

Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.

What did Lil' Jon do when Home Depot employee tried to sell him a lightbulb?

Turned down 4 watt

The difference between being naughty and being k**...

Is whether you by your gear at an adult shop or home depot

Standing behind a lady at Home Depot. Heard her ask for suggestions for tools to buy her grandson who was studying to be a quantum mechanic.

When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer n**..., it's art.

When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot.

What do Ludacris and Home Depot have in common?

They both have h**... in different area codes.

Sure... when Miley Cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer it's "s**..." and "art"

But when I do it I'm "drunk" and need to "get out of Home Depot"

Two drunk guys walking home from the pub

They come across a bus depot and decide it would be quicker to steal a bus and drive it home.
One of the guys manages to get one started and shouts on his mate to hop on.
His mate replies " that bus number doesn't go to ours mate, am looking for the number 22."

Why is it...

That when Miley Cyrus licks a hammer n**... it's called 'Music' and 'Art', but when I do it, it's called 'Property Damage' and 'Nudity' and I get kicked out of Home Depot?

Why doesn't McDonald's sell snails, Home Depot sell software, or Comcast sell s**...?

McDonald's is a fast food restaurant.
Home Depot sells hardware.
Comcast doesn't charge extra to screw you.

I bought a fan from Home Depot and it came fully assembled.

I love it when a fan comes together.

HANDICAPPED PARKING AT HOME DEPOT

Why do we need 24 handicapped parking spaces at Home Depot? Could we just talk about this? If a guy can spackle his bathroom, lay pipe and put up gutters, don't you think you can walk the extra 30 feet to the parking lot?

"Where the h**... at?" asks John

as he walks into Home Depot

I got banned from Home Depot today

A man in an orange apron walked up to me and asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in!

My friend really s**... at carpentry

He walked into Home Depot thinking he needed a screw.
The employee was trying to explain that he needed a nail, and how it even worked
Friend: So you're telling me I have to strike this thing repeatedly with a hammer?
Employee: Yes, you hit the nail on the head.

Guy demands a pound of Polish sausage

A man walks up to a counter and asks for a pound of Polish Sausage! The clerk looks at the man and says wow... you must be Polish.
The man says how dare you sir! You're a racist! Do I have to be Italian to eat Italian sausage...? Do I have to be Jewish to eat kosher beef...? Can only Germans drink German beer...?
The clerk responds well no... but this is Home Depot.

What did John Lennon say when he first arrived at the Door section of Home Depot.

Imagine all the peep holes.

Home depot is the best brothel

The vacuum s**..., the fan blows, the hammer bangs and they have plenty of pots to plant your seed.

So I got denied a job at Home depot

So I applied to work at Home depot and apparently selling s**... slaves doesn't qualify me to be a leaf blower salesman

A blonde married man went to Home Depot to buy a new closet...

"Please give me a closet that doesn't come with a n**... man living in it" he asked the salesman.

I went to Home Depot and a guy walked up and asked,

"Can I help you with anything?" I said, "I'm looking to buy a table saw." He said "Do you have a particular model in mind?" and I said, "Well yeah, Kathy Ireland, but for now let's talk about a table saw."

Two men stay out late drinking, miss the last bus and have to walk home

They pass the bus depot, so one says he'll break in and steal a bus to get them home.
Ages later, he comes to the door and goes, 'it's no use, I can't find a number 9.'
'You idiot!' says his friend, 'Just steal a 14, we'll get off at the corner and walk the rest of the way.'

Two Irish friends leave the pub

One says to other, I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.
I know, me too, but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot, replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?
I can't find a No. 91.
Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout!

Two Irish friends leave the pub.

Two Irish friends leave the pub.
One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.

Hammer

This little guy is sitting in a bar, drinking and minding his own business.When all of a sudden a great big guy comes in and bang! knocks him clean off the barstool and onto the floor.The big guy says, That was a karate chop from Korea. The little guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves the premises.He's gone for an hour before he returns and c**...! he knocks the big guy right off his stool to the ground, where he lies unconscious.The little guy looks at the bartender and says, When that big j**... comes to, you can tell him that was a claw hammer from Home Depot.

Home Depot joke, This year, Home Depot is selling Christmas decorations in the second aisle of the housewares section

jokes about home depot

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these home depot jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.