The Best 59 Hollywood Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Hollywood jokes. There are some hollywood role jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these hollywood hollywood squares puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Hollywood Jokes and Puns
Did you hear about the Hollywood actress that got murdered...?
Person 1: Her name was Reese, errr, Reese, Reese whatshername...
Person 2: Witherspoon?
Person 1: No, with a knife.
Needed directions in Hollywood last weekend
So last weekend in Hollywood i managed to get lost so i approached a fancy looking black couple and asked for directions . . .
They gave me their baby.
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HOLLYWOOD
They wanted me for the lead role in Twelve Years a slave but id only been married for 10
Did you hear about that Hollywood actress who got stabbed?
Um what's her name? Blonde girl, Reece someone ....
"Witherspoon?"
No, no. It was with a knife.
What movies teach us.
According to Hollywood movies - 1 out of every 5 Americans work for the CIA .
According to Chinese movie- 1 out of every 5 Chinese is a Kungfu master.
According to Japanese movies- Every 1 out of 5 Japanese is a Ninja.
According to Indian movies - Every hero in a movie is a dancer and a singer.
I want to start a charity where terminally ill people can request to sleep with hollywood celebrities...
I'll call it "Make A Wishbone"
If Sean Lock was a Hollywood actor...
... He'd be Robert Frowny Jr.
- Jimmy Carr
A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...
...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
My friend from Hollywood always told me, "Shoot for the stars."
He was an assassin.
Oscars experience mistake awarding Best Picture to Moonlight...
Hollywood blames Russian hacking
You can explore hollywood spielberg reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hollywood producers dad jokes. There are also hollywood puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Movies about Jesus?
Hollywood hasn't quite nailed it yet.
What are the three branches of the government?
Military, Corporate, and Hollywood
Rumor has it Hollywood is casting Idris Elba for a Lord of the Rings reboot to promote diversity.
Idris is playing the Tolkien Black Guy
What institution has powerful old men who sexually assault people, has a sick inner circle of keeping people quite, influenced thousands of people, and has a black book?
Hollywood
Now that Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood career is over, he's decided to open a bank.
Word is that he's been giving out plenty of unwanted advances.
What's the difference between a rapist and a Republican?
Hollywood won't work with a Republican.
What do Michael Bay and a priest offer a young boy?
Hollywood and Holy wood respectively.
When I was 14, I attended a party in Hollywood.
I swear, someone must have slipped something into my drink because after awhile I was definitely feeling spacey.
I don't know why everyone's so surprised when people in Hollywood are found out to sex offenders
It's pretty obvious who it is, it's always the usual suspects
What's the difference between Hollywood and Washington DC?
Molesting kids in Washington doesn't cost you your career.
Michael J Fox is the next hollywood star accused of sexual assault.
His victim said "his hands were everywhere"
Why do male victims in Hollywood forget their sexual assault incidents?
They were feeling Spacey.
What is the key to attract most of Hollywood?
B minor
Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
I kind of feel bad for all of these big name actors and Hollywood people being outcast because of their deviant sexual behavior
Oh well, at least they can still be president.
Why is Roy Moore's Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel?
He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.
Welcome to the 2018 Golden Globes
Where Hollywood will pat itself on the back and several men will pat Hollywood on the front
Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film.
One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".
It's weird Hollywood hates Trump
Considering Oscar is a tiny gold man that has historically overlooked minorities
I like my women like I like my moon landings
Faking it in a Hollywood Studio
Hollywood Halloween
Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.
Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'
Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
Arnold Schwarzenegger overhears their discussion, walks over and replies 'I'll be Bach.'
Which Hollywood actor can be a Software engineer in US?
Dev Patel
Peter Dinklage walks into a doctor's office. He says, I'm a Hollywood star. Can I go to the front of the line?
Doctor: I am sorry Sir, but you have to be a little patient.
Remember when Hollywood said that they'd move to Australia if Trump won?
They lied as well as a politician. Guess we know who's the next president going to be.
I was walking down a street in Hollywood and ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, I piy the fool!
I said, Hey, you missed a T!
People don't realize that vandalizing Trumps Hollywood Star is a bad thing
It guarantees him the newest and shiniest star on the walk. Art of the the Deal
In Hollywood, all facts are supposed to be taken with a grain of...
Coke
Ari Shaffir jokes about Kobe Bryant
Well Kobe Bryant died 23 years too late today. He got away with rape because all the Hollywood liberals who attack comedy enjoy rooting for the Lakers more than they dislike rape. Big ups to the hero who forgot to gas up his chopper...
Arnold Shwartznager just left his Hollywood career to kill bugs that infiltrate people's houses.
He is now an Ex-Terminator.
I ran into a celebrity while walking down Hollywood Boulevard. He had a mullet, tons of jewelry, and was yelling, I piy the fool!
I said, Hey, you missed a t.
Why did nemesis go to Hollywood?
For the stars
Hollywood is really taking climate change seriously
Vin Diesel even changed his name to Vin Solar
Have you heard of this new zombie like disease, stricking moses and deers? Hollywood is already on it.
Nightmare on elk street.
My uncle worked in Hollywood and told me how sad it was at Jim Henson's funeral.
Kermit was speechless.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.
One went all the way out to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Two weevils grew up in South Carolina
One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
What would you call a Hollywood film director who is isolating from Covid
Quentin Quarantino.
Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man...
Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...
What did Hollywood say when they made another Batman movie?
Done another-nother-nother-done-another-nother-nother...Batman!
Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster:
The Great Composers!
"I wanna be Beethoven," said Stallone.
"I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis.
"What about you, Arnie?" they asked....
Hollywood marriages
TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?
Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!
(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)
Who are the two most impunctual actors in Hollywood?
Jenny S'late and Christian S'later
Hollywood isn't real
It's all just paid actors
Hollywood is such a fake industry
Just a bunch of paid actors
Rest in Peace
A well known Hollywood actress died in an accident and her numerous friends got together to hire the country's highest paid poet to compose an epitaph for her.
When the stone was laid across the top, it read:
"At last, she sleeps alone."
A Hollywood janitor decided to try his hand at directing
He's billing himself as "the director who swept the Oscars"
How do you cause a panic at a Hollywood party?
You say "Hey, isn't that Chris Hansen?"
Hollywood is fake!
Its all paid actors
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hollywood premiere jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working hollywood movie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.