Holiness Jokes
27 holiness jokes and hilarious holiness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about holiness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Holiness Short Jokes
Short holiness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The holiness humour may include short christianity holy jokes also.
- I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rain down in Africa. - Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? inflation
Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!! - I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives I will start a religious movement anytime now
- To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
- A masked priest just threw some holy water at me... ... I think it was a blessing in disguise.
- A conversation with my 7 year old brother. "Look at all of these beautiful horse"
"Horses"
"Horse is already plural, isn't it?"
"You're thinking of elk"
"Holy mooses, you're right" - Holy Cow! I just found out I've been appointed to be communications director at the white house... it's not that I'm qualified or anything, it's just my turn...
- If a cup has had holy water in it, a vampire should never drink from it again. There's too much risk of cross contamination.
- today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink it gave me a religious movement
- What's the Indian way of saying 'Bread of Heaven'? Is it:
A) Holy Loaf
B) Sacred baguette
Or C) Naan of the above
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Holiness One Liners
Which holiness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with holiness? I can suggest the ones about holy and salvation.
- Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
- What's the opposite of Holy Water? Nestle
- Why isn't Holy Water used in vaccines ? Because, you can't take the Lords name in vein.
- What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement.
- The Holy Land isn't a fake place Israel
- I've just invented a perfume made from holy water. Eau my God
- What is the chemical formula for Holy Water? H2OMG
- Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein.
- Did you hear about the Holy Cow? Some say he was legend-dairy.
- Though some people may tell you that the holy land is fake... ... it Israel
- Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
- What do you call a holy man who works at McDonald's? A Friar
- Did you hear about the temple that burnt down? Holy smokes.
- I left my job as a pastor to start a cigarette company It's called "Holy Smokes"
- Where does the holy bread go after it is consumed? The Garden of Eaten

Cheeky Holiness Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about holiness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean church holy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make holiness pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don't bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
Catholic
Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." The old woman says,"My daughter has a 42 inch chest and a 24 inch waist, when she walks into a room people say 'JESUS'."
The King was leaving his castle to fight in the Crusades. He left the key to his wife's chastity belt with his most trusted knight.
"God commands that I fight, but not even he can promise that I will return. If I die fighting in these holy wars, I leave it to you to release my wife to marry again." The king mounted his horse and rode off the horizon.
As he nearly rode out of sight, he turned back and looked at his kingdom one last time.... only to see his most trusted knight, chasing after him, shouting.....
"IT'S THE WRONG KEY! IT'S THE WRONG KEY!"
