JokoJokes

Holi Jokes

110 holi jokes and hilarious holi puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about holi that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Holi Jokes

Short holi jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The holi humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
    They bless the rain down in Africa.
  2. Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? inflation
    Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
  3. I always wondered why you hear stories of vampires in Europe but never Africa. Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water, and they bless the rain down in Africa
  4. The Holy Bible teaches us to love one another... ...the Kama Sutra is a bit more specific.
  5. How many Mexicans? How many Mexicans does it take to...
    Holy sh\*\* they're already done.
  6. I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives I will start a religious movement anytime now
  7. To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
  8. I was wondering why there were so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa, and than I realized Vampires are killed by Holy water... They blessed the rains down in Africa.
  9. A masked priest just threw some holy water at me... ... I think it was a blessing in disguise.
  10. A conversation with my 7 year old brother. "Look at all of these beautiful horse"
    "Horses"
    "Horse is already plural, isn't it?"
    "You're thinking of elk"
    "Holy mooses, you're right"

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about holi can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of holi puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Holi One Liners

Which holi one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with holi? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
  2. What's the opposite of Holy Water? Nestle
  3. Why isn't Holy Water used in vaccines ? Because, you can't take the Lords name in vein.
  4. What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement.
  5. The Holy Land isn't a fake place Israel
  6. The Holy Bible tells us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is more specific.
  7. I've just invented a perfume made from holy water. Eau my God
  8. What is the chemical formula for Holy Water? H2OMG
  9. Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein.
  10. Did you hear about the Holy Cow? Some say he was legend-dairy.
  11. Though some people may tell you that the holy land is fake... ... it Israel
  12. Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
  13. What do you call a holy man who works at McDonald's? A Friar
  14. Did you hear about the temple that burnt down? Holy smokes.
  15. I left my job as a pastor to start a cigarette company It's called "Holy Smokes"

Holi Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about holi you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make holi prank.

Yo momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Yo momma is so s**... when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them.

Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!

Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving?

Because he's already stuffed!

Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down?
A: Because their belts are on their hats.

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.

Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!

What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

Q: What does Miley Cyrus eat for Christmas dinner?
A: Roast twerky!

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve? They go into town and blow a few bucks.

Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.

What's a turkey's favorite song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"

Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing.

Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...

Q: How did the ghost go on vacation?
A: By scareplane!

What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!

A vampire walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, "A cup of boiling water, please." The bartender, confused and scared, walks up with the water and says, "I thought vampires drank blood..." The vampire pulls out a used t**... and says, "Yes, it's tea time."

Why don't witches have babies? Because their husbands have Hallo-weenies!!!

While inspecting their honeymoon suite, the bride discovers a little box attached to the bed.
"What's this for?" she asks her husband.
"If you put a quarter in," he says, reaching into his pocket, "the bed starts vibrating."
"Save your money," she says. "When you're a quarter in, I start vibrating."

A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of s**..., jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."

How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.

Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"

Q: What's a t**...'s favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.

I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.
Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

What holiday do Jewish bridges celebrate?

Passover.

Just did my holiday shopping.

I've got so many shorts now; I'm swimming in them!

Holidays

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.

Why did the holiday inn change its ne to comfort in?

Because the jehovah witness' dont do holidays and the doors are closer together.

What is the holiest chord?

G sus

The holiday season is coming up. Every year I make my parents something.

I make them disappointed.

What is the holiest of meats?

Bethleham.

For the holidays I've decided to stop making puns...

I'm sure yule appreciate it.

Why did his holiness The Dalai Lama go to the casino?

Tibet.

Holiday Dinner Party

What do holidays and communist utopias have in common?

They're both classless.

What holiday can white people celebrate, but not black people?

Father's Day

What do holiday parties and after school clubs have in common?

They both feature Chess nuts!

"I don't want this holiday to end mummy!"

"Don't worry Madeleine, it won't"

I'm on holiday visiting the math dept. at Univ. of Manchester, England.

I guess I'm an Alan Turist.

What's the best holiday to c**... a plain?

MAY DAY!

What holiday does a Jewish s**... celebrate in December?

Marijuanakkah

I was on holiday in belgium...

Apparently it was obvious that I am German, because an elderly man came to me and said "you lost something ".
"What?" I asked surprised.
"The war" he replied.

This holiday season, get your girl a Jared Diamond

...but get her Collapse--she's probably already read Guns, Germs, and Steel.

On the holidays I got quite drunk and being responsible decided to take a taxi home

It's still in my backyard what do you guys think I should do with it?

Anyone else like the holidays of other cultures? Like, I love the one where you take a bunch of presents and hide them in the attic.

Or as you may know it, Anne Frank's birthday.

What's the holiest, French color?

Sacred blue!

Holiday s**... is the best s**... ever.....

That was the hardest postcard from my wife to read!

With the Holiday Season right around the corner

The Transvestites of America Union would like to remind you to eat, drink, and be Mary.

There's a new holiday in Russia called "National Sobriety Day"

People are at a loss as to how to celebrate it.

holidaying to the Great Wall

I can't wait for my holiday to America, once it is built!

I say we have a new holiday called Incumbent's day

We coax Biden out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, it'll be four more years of Obama.

For the holidays, try hanging yourself...

A mistletoe

In this holiday season I really gotta give a shout out to those who've always been around for me.

Mr. Chen and his family at the restaurant.

[Holiday Themed] Why was the turkey called "turkey"?

Because "chicken" was taken... *ba dum tish*

I was on holiday in Venice recently...

...and I was going to take an ecstasy tablet to have a good night, but then I realised Venice was V nice without an e.

I'm going on holiday to Egypt. A coworker told me it can get up to 100 degrees in the shade...

...I'll be staying out of the shade then.

I'm going on holiday to the future...

I'm staying in a timeshare

There should be a holiday episode of Man vs Wild with Christopher Walken

It would be called Walken in a winter wonderland!

Which holiday tradition is the favorite of horses?

The Neigh-tivity Scene

What do Holiday Shoppers and Feudal Lords have in common?

They are both served by peasants

With all the holiday cheer this special time of year I can't help but get a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest.

My doctor calls it indigestion.

What holiday do people have the most amount of s**... on?

Arbor day: it's all about that wood

On holiday in Spain I saw a sign saying English speaking doctors, I thought what a good idea/

We should have them in England.

Which holiday is less important: Easter or April fools?

Easter.
April fools!

What holiday do firefighters refuse to celebrate?

May Day.

Who are the holiest type of people?

Bored people

When I was about 5

On holiday with my parents, after a loooong day we finally go for dinner. We all ask for steaks. The waiter asks how we want them. Everyone else says for medium. With a surprising look I confidently ask the waiter for an extra large one! Idiots!!

What's a holidays for Pregnant woman?

Labor Day

How do holistic doctors get leaves off their lawn?

Reiki

I was on holiday when I got mugged at knifepoint...

It all happened so Sudan-ly.

On holiday in Moscow, my mother told me told me to set an early alarm or I would have to rush.

I told her not to worry because if I'm Russian, soviet.

It's almost that one holiday where girls can dress up as s**... as they want.

I love thanksgiving!

With the holidays coming a good friend told me the true meaning of having plenty...

It means a lot

Holiday

Just walked past the Butchers Shop window, sign says Turkey £29. That's a bargain! £150 more at Thomas Cook. (UK only joke)

My neighbour's are going on holiday, so they've given me a spare key so I can feed the dog.

Why on earth would your dog want to eat a spare key?

They're having a holiday party for the Erectile Dysfunction Society.

Nobody can't come.

Why is there a holiday song about an itchy father?

It's called "Fleas on my Dad", can't find any info on it.

Over the holidays, I'm participating in a pro-life bake sale

We'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes

Holiday Humour

Why is Christmas General Zod's favourite time of the year?......because it's No-El......

The holidays being over has me in a really terrible place.

I don't mean mentally, I'm at work and would rather be at home.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these holi jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.