The Best 35 Holi Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Holi jokes. There are some holi jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these holi puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Holi Jokes and Puns

I was on holiday in Belgium...

Apparently it was obvious that I am German, because an elderly man came to me and said "you lost something ".
"What?" I asked surprised.
"The war" he replied.

I'm going on holiday to Egypt. A coworker told me it can get up to 100 degrees in the shade...

...I'll be staying out of the shade then.

His holiness the Dalai Lama

Sent an email to Xi Jinping.

Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.

It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.

Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.

"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai Lama

What is the holiest chord?

G sus

On the holidays I got quite drunk and being responsible decided to take a taxi home

It's still in my backyard what do you guys think I should do with it?

What is the holiest chord to play?

The G sus although most priests prefer A minor

Holiday sex is the best sex ever.....

That was the hardest postcard from my wife to read!

For my holidays last year, I threw a dart at a map of the world and decided to go to wherever it landed.

I had a fantastic two weeks sat next to the skirting board.

Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving?

Because he's already stuffed!

I'm on holiday visiting the math dept. at Univ. of Manchester, England.

I guess I'm an Alan Turist.

For the holidays I've decided to stop making puns...

I'm sure yule appreciate it.

You can explore holi reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean holi dad jokes. There are also holi puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

When I was about 5

On holiday with my parents, after a loooong day we finally go for dinner. We all ask for steaks. The waiter asks how we want them. Everyone else says for medium. With a surprising look I confidently ask the waiter for an extra large one! Idiots!!

The holiday season is coming up. Every year I make my parents something.

I make them disappointed.

There's a new holiday in Russia called "National Sobriety Day"

People are at a loss as to how to celebrate it.

Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them.

What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

What is a holiday destination recommended by dentists?


On holiday in Spain I saw a sign saying English speaking doctors, I thought what a good idea/

We should have them in England.

Who are the holiest type of people?

Bored people

What holiday do firefighters refuse to celebrate?

May Day.

What's the holiest, French color?

Sacred blue!

What do holiday parties and after school clubs have in common?

They both feature Chess nuts!

With the Holiday Season right around the corner

The Transvestites of America Union would like to remind you to eat, drink, and be Mary.

Why did his holiness The Dalai Lama go to the casino?


There's a holiday for me every week.

But my parents still don't celebrate Sunday.

Which holiday tradition is the favorite of horses?

The Neigh-tivity Scene

There should be a holiday episode of Man vs Wild with Christopher Walken

It would be called Walken in a winter wonderland!

In this holiday season I really gotta give a shout out to those who've always been around for me.

Mr. Chen and his family at the restaurant.

What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!

Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.

Yo momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

What holiday do Christian cacti celebrate?


I was on holiday when I got mugged at knifepoint...

It all happened so Sudan-ly.

How do holistic doctors get leaves off their lawn?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the holi jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working holi piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes