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Holes Jokes

137 holes jokes and hilarious holes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about holes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your friends laugh with these hilarious holes jokes! From digging jokes to nostril holes and more, these tees will have you laughing out loud. Whether you're into black holes or just like having a good laugh, these hole jokes are sure to put a smile on your face.

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Funniest Holes Short Jokes

Short holes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The holes humour may include short heads jokes also.

  1. If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
  2. My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'. I know he means well.
  3. My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
  4. I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches. Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
  5. All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together. At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
  6. I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold. I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
  7. My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together. At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!
  8. My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...
  9. My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water" I know he means well...
  10. My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water." I know he means well.

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Holes One Liners

Which holes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with holes? I can suggest the ones about hoot and nuts.

  1. I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together.
  2. What did the black holes say when they collided? Nothing, they just waved.
    (Sorry)
  3. I was cleaning one of my finger guns. I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
  4. A hole appeared in the wall around the local nudist colony. Police are looking into it.
  5. You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.
  6. A hole was found in a nudist camp wall The police are now looking into it.
  7. Well... Well... Well... If it isn't 3 holes in the ground...
  8. What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe? Finding a shoe in your hole.
  9. Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? No?
    Well, well, well…
  10. Have you heard about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
  11. A large hole appeared outside the local police station. They're looking into it.
  12. How do you cover 18 holes with one hole? Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
  13. Why should honeymoons only last six days? Because seven days makes a hole weak.
  14. What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer? A hole in Juan
  15. What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? You only get paid in tips.

Digging Holes Jokes

Here is a list of funny digging holes jokes and even better digging holes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife. But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
  • If it takes 6 men 6 days to dig 6 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole. It's just a hole.
  • A prisoner digs a hole out of jail.... .... and ends up in a toddler playground
    and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
    and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!"
  • My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water.... ....she means well
  • What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard? Well, well, well
  • A man digs 3 holes in his backyard... he steps back and says "Well... well... well..."
  • While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins. I ran in to tell my wife.
    Then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
  • I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.
    And, that is the hole poem.
  • How to catch an elephant Dig a big hole
    Fill it with ashes
    Sprinkle peas on top
    When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.
  • Just hurt my wrists digging a hole between two koi ponds. I think it's carpal tunnel.

Black Holes Jokes

Here is a list of funny black holes jokes and even better black holes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts? One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.
  • The heaviest things in the universe 3 - Neutron stars
    2 - Black holes
    1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke
  • A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink... The bartender asks if he'd like food with that.
    The black hole said "no thanks, I'm a light eater."
  • A star walks into a black hole... ... but it doesn't seem phazed. The black hole turns to the star and says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."
  • What's the difference between Swiss cheese and a black male? Swiss cheese matures before being filled with holes
  • Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans? Because he loves to study black holes.
  • Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?... On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.
  • Being caught in a black hole is bad... ... as no one is able to comprehend the gravity of the situation
  • Don't trust any diet advice that tells you to eat light... For that's most certainly the way to become a black hole.
  • What do vegan black holes say? "I'm on a strictly planet based diet"
Holes joke, What do vegan black holes say?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about holes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of holes puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Playful Holes Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about holes you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean lobs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make holes prank.

A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."

What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes?

He was just a nerdy digger.

Why do married men love golf so much?

Because it's not the same three holes over and over again.

I like my women like I like my toasters...

Two warm holes and never leaves the kitchen.

I made up a joke today.

What's the worst thing about pornographic literature?
Too many holes in the plot.

After the resurrection, Jesus was hanging out with Peter, fishing.......


Jesus says, "I feel like performing a miracle. What should I do?"
Peter says, "How about the walking-on-water gig?"
Jesus agrees, steps out of the boat, and slowly starts sinking as he walks around.
Peter helps him back into the boat and asks, "Why didn't it work this time?"
Jesus replies, "I'm not sure, maybe it's the holes in my feet."

What are the two most important holes on a woman?

The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a b**....
*My 10 year old brother told me this today

Three nuns were talking...

The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!" 
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked. 
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash." 
The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms." 
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. 
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied. 
The third nun said, "Oh s**...." 

Let's hear your best Helen Keller jokes.

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!

A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...

... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."

Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.

Three nuns are talking after having cleaned the priest's desk.

The first one says "I found n**... pictures on his desk so I tore them".
The second one says "good for you sister. I found condoms in his drawer so I put holes in them".
The third nun fainted.

On the back of u/baldillin

A young Rabbi is a very avid golfer. He even goes out on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year to play some holes. On his last hole the wind carries the ball and he sinks an amazing hole in one.
In Heaven an angel complains to God, this Rabbi is playing golf on Yom Kippur and you give him a hole in one as punishment!?
Of course, God says, who can he tell?

Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."
The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I burned them."
The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I poked holes in them."
The third nun fainted.

Small World

A lawyer and a doctor are golfing. There are two women ahead of them that are playing really slow, so the lawyer decides to ask them if they can play through. While driving up to them, he realizes the two women are his wife and mistress! He turns around without saying anything and tells the doctor the situation. After a few more holes the doctor has had enough. He goes to talk to the women but turns around before he gets there. When he gets back he looks at the lawyer and says, "Small world."

"So how was your golf game today, dear?"

"Well, it was fine until Tom hit a hole-in-one on the third and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack."
"Oh, my! That's terrible!"
"You're telling me! For fifteen holes it was 'hit the ball, drag Tom, hit the ball, drag Tom'."

Who said r**... aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding m**... inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no m**.... They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical m**... store

I'll call it glazed and confused

A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".

So, I went to go get my haircut..

And I told the barber to make the left side a little shorter than my right. Then I told him to make a couple of little holes and bald patches. And for the back of my head, don't make my hairline equal. Make it a zigzag.
He looks at me and says, "Come on, you know I can't do that, it wouldn't be right!"
And I'm like, "I don't see the problem, you did it last time..."

My inappropriate uncle told me this one when I was 11: Where do cousins come from?

ant holes

Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing

I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide.

Do you have holes in your socks?

You don't? Then how do you put your feet in?

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets ?

To run his hands through his hair.

Why couldn't Jesus eat M&M's?

because of the holes in his hands

A woman was out at the golf course...

...with her friends for a day and came home. Her husband asks, "So, how did it go?" "Terrible!" she replied. "I got stung by bees!" "Oh no! Where?" he asks. "Between the first and second holes!" The husband shakes his head and says "I've been telling you that your stance was too wide."

What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?

The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.

Riddle me this, Batman. What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

"M-my parents?"
"No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets?

So they can run their hands through their hair.

Dave came home later than usual from his Sunday golf outing...

He looked thoroughly worn out.
"Tough day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Oh, you have no idea," he said. "The first nine holes were great. But then Steve had a heart attack and died. For the whole back nine, it was 'hit the ball, drag Steve, hit the ball, drag Steve."

How do you make holes in a fire?

With a fire drill.

My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home."

I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"

I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.

I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!

Why do German shower faucets have 11 holes?

Jews only have 10 fingers.

A blonde tried to commit s**...

Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really s**... at Guac-a-mole.

I was gonna write a story about Swiss cheese

But the plot had too many holes in it.

Lady golfer

A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming
She says
"A bee stung me"
The man at the desk replies
"where did the bee sting you
The lady replies
"Between hole 1 and 2"
The man at the desk says
"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"

TIL: You can use tampons to stuff bullet holes to stall bleeing before getting the person to the hospital.

That's actually what tampons were originally used for. Then nurses were all, "Wait, I've got a bleeding hole too!"

I went hunting with my preacher.

We went hunting in the same spot together. A deer walked out and we both shot at the same time. Upon inspecting the deer, we couldn't find any bullet holes. I said "It must be yours preacher. The bullet was like your sermons. It went in one ear and out the other!"

My other grandfather was a peeping tom

he use to drill holes in the floor and spy on the people in the apartment below. He died recently but I kind of like thinking about him up there somewhere.....looking down on us.

What's the best way to poke holes in an argument?

Make good points.

I tried phone s**... once.

But the speaker holes were too small...

Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.

The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:
"What happened to the cheese?"
They replied:
"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be the holes."

A nice clean jewish joke

The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.
On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.
An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God, This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?
Of course it is, said the Lord, smiling. Who can he tell?

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."

Kim Jong Un claims to have golfed 38 under par...

...But his story is full of holes.

I once had a job drilling holes

I left because it was boring

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?

He said it was the worse case of s**... he's ever seen

Why do showerheads in germany have 11 holes?

Because jews only have 10 fingers

Why do donuts have holes?

The baker makes them with love.

I quit my job drilling ventilation holes in jet engines...

...it was just plane boring.

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit s**...?

There are bullet holes in the mirror.

Jesus and Moses are at a lake in heaven

They both want to see if their powers still work
so moses splits the lake, walks right through, and says "alright jesus, now you try it"
So jesus tries to walk atop the waters but winks right through, and swims to the other side.
"What happened?" Moses asks, "Did you lose balance or something?"
"Well last time I didn't have holes in my feet"

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster:

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster. Moses makes the water split and walks on dry land to the other side. Jesus tries to walk on water, but glug... glug... glug... he starts sinking. "What's the matter?" asks Jesus, "I walked on the water quite well 2000 years ago..." "Well," replies Moses, "that was before you got those holes in your feet..."

Your mom is like a bowling ball.

She's round, heavy, gets picked up, fingered in three holes, tossed in the gutter and she still comes back for more.

I got a job digging holes.

It's well boring.

Why do Catholic priests like golf?

Because most of the holes are under 18.

What is full of holes and travels down an alley?

Batmans parents.

Why do bald people like holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.

With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

Do your socks have holes in them?

No?
Then how did you get your feet in them?!!

Just got scammed out of $25...

I bought a Tiger Woods DVD called "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf.

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.
Jesus: Hey Moses, when's the last time you parted the water. You still got it in you.
Moses: It's been a while. Let's see.
And standing in the boat he held out his hands and the water parted.
Moses: What about you? Can you still walk on water?
Jesus: Let's see.
So Jesus steps out of the boat and sinks
Jesus: I haven't tried it since I got these holes in my feet.
Credit to u/kaptin_hippy

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.
he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"
after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"
"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"
"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"

Three nuns are talking.

The first nun says, you would never believe what i discovered.
Intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun.
oh that's nothing." said the second one, "i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one.
" what did u do with them?" said the first nun.
The second nun responds with pride ," I poked **holes** in all of them."
The third nun screams, oh s**......"

A woman was playing a round of golf

A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.
Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.
He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.
He replied "your stance is too wide".

Holes joke, A woman was playing a round of golf

jokes about holes

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these holes jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.