Hole Jokes
163 hole jokes and hilarious hole puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hole that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Bored of the same old, tired jokes? Check out our collection of unique and funny hole-related jokes! From black holes and donut holes to rabbit holes and 19th holes, there’s something here that everyone can enjoy. So get ready to dig down deep and find those hollows and gaps in this caddy of jokes.
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Funniest Hole Short Jokes
Short hole jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hole humour may include short hoot jokes also.
- My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
- I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches. Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
- All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together. At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
- I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold. I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
- My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home." I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"
- My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole. I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
- What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry. - Just got scammed out of $15. Bought tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.
- I told my friend I have an acute sense of when a deep hole with water is nearby. He said thats a useless ability. I'm well aware
- A woman ran screaming into the pro shop at the golf course... "I just got stung by a bee between the first and second hole!"
The guy at the counter said "Your stance is too wide".
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Hole One Liners
Which hole one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hole? I can suggest the ones about hill and tube.
- I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together.
- What did the black holes say when they collided? Nothing, they just waved.
(Sorry) - I was cleaning one of my finger guns. I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
- A hole appeared in the wall around the local nudist colony. Police are looking into it.
- You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.
- Well... Well... Well... If it isn't 3 holes in the ground...
- What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe? Finding a shoe in your hole.
- Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? No?
Well, well, well… - A large hole appeared outside the local police station. They're looking into it.
- How do you cover 18 holes with one hole? Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
- Why should honeymoons only last six days? Because seven days makes a hole weak.
- What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? You only get paid in tips.
- What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard? Well, well, well
- Do you have holes in your socks? You don't? Then how do you put your feet in?
- I quit my job drilling ventilation holes in jet engines... ...it was just plane boring.
Hole In One Jokes
Here is a list of funny hole in one jokes and even better hole in one puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Joke of the day about blondes. Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D - "Why do dads take an extra pair of sock when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
- If it takes 6 men 6 days to dig 6 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole. It's just a hole.
- What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you? The Three-Hole Punch...
- Why did the golfer buy two pairs of socks? He was afraid he'd get a hole in one
^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^out - Why did tiger woods bring three socks instead of two? In case he got a hole in one.
- As a golfer, it's always smart to wear 2 pairs of pants. You know, just in case you get a hole in one.
- My inappropriate uncle told me this one when I was 11: Where do cousins come from? ant holes
- What is good for golf and bad for socks? A hole in one.
- Cool Customers Two drunks are sitting at the bar staring into their drinks. 'hey cobber, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?'
'Yes, I've been married to one for 15 years'.
Golf Hole In One Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf hole in one jokes and even better golf hole in one puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Guys, golf is literally so easy.... I've played one hole and I've got 47 points
- Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one. - I never wear golf socks. They've always got a hole in one.
- Why does Luigi bring an extra pair of overalls when he golfs? In case he gets a hole-in-one
- I heard that Tiger Woods takes an extra pair of trousers with him when he plays golf. It's just in case he gets a hole in one.
- You know how to smuggle something in a golf ball? First, you have to get a hole in one...
- I was at a golf course... And I asked a lady, who looked like a regular "Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?". She answered "About an inch".
- I crashed my golf cart two times while driving through hole one. My driving skills were below par.
- Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?.... ....In case you get a hole in one!
- Are those golf shoes you're wearing? Because you've got a hole in one
Donut Hole Jokes
Here is a list of funny donut hole jokes and even better donut hole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know why donuts have a hole in them? Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed
- When do bakers stop making donuts? When they get tired of the hole thing
- What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts? Hole foods
- Why did the man shut his donut shop? Why did the man close his donut shop?
...because he was fed up with the hole business! - My doctor told me to to incorporate more hole foods into my diet so I ate a box of donuts.
- My wife accused me of taking the last donut. It's true. I just ate the hole thing.
- For national donut day in the US Q: what did the donut say to the cake?
A: if I had all that dough I wouldn't be hanging around this hole. - I used to have an obsession for sweet foods with a hole in the middle. I donut care for them anymore though
- Why were the golfer's donuts so bad? Because he couldn't get a hole in one!
- Why did the baker stop making donuts? Because he was bored with the hole business.
Rabbit Hole Jokes
Here is a list of funny rabbit hole jokes and even better rabbit hole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend and I got into a conversation about Furries. In the end we ended up deep in a rabbit hole.
- When googling Gary Oldman, be very careful.... ....I forgot the 'r' and went down a rabbit hole I wasn't prepared for.
- What do you get when you pour very hot water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.
- A rabbit seeks for his hole in a Czech pub Apparently all the holes are taken up
- What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rabbit? A dead rabbit with a big hole.
- Two flying turtles found a rabbit inside a hole The rabbit cried out, "Is it midnight?"
Black Hole Jokes
Here is a list of funny black hole jokes and even better black hole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The heaviest things in the universe 3 - Neutron stars
2 - Black holes
1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke - A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink... The bartender asks if he'd like food with that.
The black hole said "no thanks, I'm a light eater." - A star walks into a black hole... ... but it doesn't seem phazed. The black hole turns to the star and says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."
- Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?... On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.
- Being caught in a black hole is bad... ... as no one is able to comprehend the gravity of the situation
- What do vegan black holes say? "I'm on a strictly planet based diet"
- Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.
- What is a black hole's favorite Metallica song? Nothing Else Matters.
- Someone was falling into a black hole The gravity of their situation was really becoming apparent.
- How do you know Stephen Hawking has jungle fever? He knows a lot about black holes
Comical Hole Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about hole you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hood jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hole pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole
you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Horse and the Chicken
One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out.
"Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!", the Horse yelled. "Don't worry," said the chicken. "I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"
The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole.
"Help help Horse! I've fallen into this hole and I can't get out!"
The horse smiled and said, "Don't worry Chicken. Just grab a hold of my w**...!"
"What?!?"
"Well, when you're hung like a horse, you don't need BMWs to pick up chicks."
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American businessman was in Japan...
He hired a local h**... and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."
Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?
Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
I always thought the hole in boxer briefs was a messy idea...
until I learned it goes in the front.
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
There were 3 moles living in a hole...
One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."
Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy are playing golf...
Moses steps up first and lands his ball in a water hazard. He then proceeds to part the water where the ball is and lands it in the hole.
Jesus hits his ball and also lands it in the water hazard. So he walk on the water, picks it up, places it on a nearby lily pad and also lands it in the hole.
Now the old bearded guy steps up and just hits the ball with all his strength. The ball goes flying! It then proceeds to hit a nearby rooftop, bounce along the grass and land on a lily pad. A frog appears and eats the golf ball. Then out of nowhere a bird picks up the frog in its talons and flies off. As the bird flies over the green, the frog spits out the ball and it manages to land the ball in the hole...
After witnessing this Moses turns towards Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day....
it was a hole in Juan
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A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...
This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese h**.... He has his way with the h**... and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his h**.... He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"
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"The total cost would be £3000," said the f**... director.
"And that includes digging the grave."
"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.
He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Bury the dead!
One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your f**...' cat!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club.
I shot a hole in Juan.
Two men are working by the side of the road...
One digs a hole and the other fills it back up.
They do this several times until an old lady, who has been watching them, comes over and asks "What in the world are you two doing?"
One of the workers replies, "We work for the city, the guy that plants the trees is off sick today."
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing
and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
My water stopped working for a bit today.
My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"
My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water....
....she means well
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
This will blow your mind!
If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
A black hole and a nebula go out to lunch...
A black hole and a nebula are at a restaurant. The nebula orders a ginormous amount of food and the black hole only orders a drink and a small appetizer.
The nebula says the the black hole, "Are you sure you don't want more?"
The black hole replies, "Nah, I eat light"
My mom asked me what i wanted for xmas. I told her some clothes and something small to play with
She gave me underwear with a hole cut in the front
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason l**... use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a giant hole in town and everybody is falling in it and going to the hospital
The mayor holds a meeting and asks everyone to propose a solution.
Someone stand up and says: "We should put a cop next to the hole and whenever someone falls he'll call an ambulance."
Another person offers to put an ambulance next to the hole.
Someone else offers to build a hospital next to the hole.
At this point everybody starts arguing so the mayor shuts everybody up and says: "You are all s**.... We should close up the hole and dig another one next to the hospital."
A man is walking through a forest and sees a huge hole
The whole is really deep. It's huge and dark and seems bottomless, so the man decides to see how deep.
He throws in a pebble and listens, but it doesn't make a sound.
He throws in a big stick; still no sound
He throws in a huge tree stump he prised up out of the ground; nothing
Suddenly, a dog comes running by and jumps straight into the hole at alarming speed.
The man stares into the hole, dumbfounded, when another man walks by and asks "have you seen my dog?"
"Yeah" he replies, "he just jumped in this hole"
"That's funny" the other man replies, "I had him tied to a tree stump"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I made the Earth move for the last girl I had s**... with.
And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in.
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
A boy and his grandfather are playing outside...
A boy and his grandfather are playing outside. They see a worm come out of a hole.
"I bet you $5 you can't put the worm back in that hole," the grandfather said.
The boy gets a glint in his eye and runs into the house. He returns with a bottle of hairspray and proceeds to spray the worm until it is stiff, then he sticks it in the hole.
The grandpa, defeated, gives the boy $5 and takes the bottle of hairspray. He walks into the house and the boy keeps playing.
A while later, the grandfather returns outside and gives the boy $10.
"But grandpa, you already gave me the money for the bet," the boy told him.
"Yeah, I know. *That* money is from grandma."
A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...
...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went to China.
He hired a p**... to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.
The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.
Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
If you decided to put your life in Jesus' hands
Remember that he has a hole in each of them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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100 nuns are in a prayer session.
After the session ends, the head nun stands up and addresses the nuns.
"There was a man in the convent last night," she says.
99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"We found a c**... in the garden," the head nun continues.
Again, 99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"There was a hole in that c**...."
99 nuns chuckle, while one gasps.
Why do old people like golf?
Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole
I had been digging for a long time today.
Down in the hole I found a box full of Silver coins!
In the excitement I ran back indoors to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole...
A nice clean jewish joke
The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.
On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.
An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God, This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?
Of course it is, said the Lord, smiling. Who can he tell?
A doctor fell into a watering hole.
Its his own fault. He should have attended to the sick and left the well alone.
Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?
I guess someone made a hole in Juan.
It has been reported that there is a hole in the ground.
We are currently looking into it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Math hole told to me 20 years ago by a professor
What's the difference between a physicist and mathematician?
There's a p**... of water on the table and both the physicist and mathematician are asked to boil it. The physicist picks it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematicians picked it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner.
Next the p**... is placed on the floor with the same instructions. The physicist once again picks it up, places it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematician picks it up and puts it on the table, thus reducing it to a problem that's already been solved.
There's a hole in the women's bathroom wall at the police station
The detectives are looking into it
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Look down a mole hole, what do you see?
Molasses.
Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.
Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life
My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole
Fair enough it was her sister's but still...
Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: What are you doing there, Nancy?
My goldfish died, Nancy sobbed. And I've just buried him.
The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: That's a really big hole for a little goldfish, don't you think?
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: That's because he's inside your cat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.
I know he means well.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a burro and a burrow?
If you don't know, you can't tell your a**... from a hole in the ground.
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"
The police were called to a female gym...
The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!
Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.
The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?
Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it
In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"
Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"
very old jokes, but I haven't seen them here before
A male bovine has unfortunately just swallowed a ticking time bomb. How would you describe this situation in one word?
Abominable.
Five minutes later the bomb has detonated leaving little beyond a small hole in the ground. What one word describes the new situation?
Noble.
