Hole Jokes
167 hole jokes and hilarious hole puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hole that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Bored of the same old, tired jokes? Check out our collection of unique and funny hole-related jokes! From black holes and donut holes to rabbit holes and 19th holes, there’s something here that everyone can enjoy. So get ready to dig down deep and find those hollows and gaps in this caddy of jokes.
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Funniest Hole Short Jokes
Short hole jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hole humour may include short hoot jokes also.
- If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
- My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'. I know he means well.
- My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
- I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches. Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
- All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together. At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
- I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold. I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
- My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together. At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!
- My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...
- My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water" I know he means well...
- My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water." I know he means well.
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Hole One Liners
Which hole one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hole? I can suggest the ones about hill and tube.
- I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together.
- What did the black holes say when they collided? Nothing, they just waved.
(Sorry) - I was cleaning one of my finger guns. I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
- A hole appeared in the wall around the local nudist colony. Police are looking into it.
- You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.
- A hole was found in a nudist camp wall The police are now looking into it.
- Well... Well... Well... If it isn't 3 holes in the ground...
- What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe? Finding a shoe in your hole.
- Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? No?
Well, well, well… - Have you heard about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
- A large hole appeared outside the local police station. They're looking into it.
- How do you cover 18 holes with one hole? Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
- Why should honeymoons only last six days? Because seven days makes a hole weak.
- What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer? A hole in Juan
- What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? You only get paid in tips.
Hole In One Jokes
Here is a list of funny hole in one jokes and even better hole in one puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry. - what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts? One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.
- Joke of the day about blondes. Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D - "Why do dads take an extra pair of sock when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
- If it takes 6 men 6 days to dig 6 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole. It's just a hole.
- What's the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.
- The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- 2 blondes fell into a hole The first one said "*Its dark in here,isn't it?*"
The second one said"*I don't know,I cant see.*" - Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of socks? Just in case they get a hole in one!
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he had a hole in one.
Golf Hole In One Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf hole in one jokes and even better golf hole in one puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why would you wear two pairs of pants while golfing? You might get a hole in one.
- What is good for golf and bad for socks? A hole in one.
- Went golfing with a buddy, and I asked him why he brought an extra pair of socks. He said, "In case I get a hole in one."
- My Dad who plays golf. I always asked dad why he bought an extra pair of socks when he played golf. Told me in case he got a hole in one. 😂
- Why do Dads bring an extra pair of socks to the golf course? In case they get a hole-in-one!
- Guys, golf is literally so easy.... I've played one hole and I've got 47 points
- Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one. - Why did the golfer wear 2 shirts when he went golfing? In case he got a hole-in-one!
- I never wear golf socks. They've always got a hole in one.
- Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf? In case you get a hole-in-one
(stolen from some girl at school)
Dig Hole Jokes
Here is a list of funny dig hole jokes and even better dig hole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife. But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
- A prisoner digs a hole out of jail.... .... and ends up in a toddler playground
and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!" - My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water.... ....she means well
- What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard? Well, well, well
- A man digs 3 holes in his backyard... he steps back and says "Well... well... well..."
- While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins. I ran in to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging a hole. - I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.
And, that is the hole poem. - How to catch an elephant Dig a big hole
Fill it with ashes
Sprinkle peas on top
When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole. - Just hurt my wrists digging a hole between two koi ponds. I think it's carpal tunnel.
- I got a job digging holes. It's well boring.
Donut Hole Jokes
Here is a list of funny donut hole jokes and even better donut hole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know why donuts have a hole in them? Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed
- When do bakers stop making donuts? When they get tired of the hole thing
- What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts? Hole foods
- Why do donuts have holes? The baker makes them with love.
- I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts It's called 'Hole Foods'
- Why did the man shut his donut shop? Why did the man close his donut shop?
...because he was fed up with the hole business! - My doctor told me to to incorporate more hole foods into my diet so I ate a box of donuts.
- Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory? He was fed up with the hole business!
- My wife accused me of taking the last donut. It's true. I just ate the hole thing.
- I used to work at the donut factory but I quit I was fed up with the hole business
Black Hole Jokes
Here is a list of funny black hole jokes and even better black hole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The heaviest things in the universe 3 - Neutron stars
2 - Black holes
1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke - A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink... The bartender asks if he'd like food with that.
The black hole said "no thanks, I'm a light eater." - A star walks into a black hole... ... but it doesn't seem phazed. The black hole turns to the star and says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."
- What's the difference between Swiss cheese and a black male? Swiss cheese matures before being filled with holes
- Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans? Because he loves to study black holes.
- Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?... On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.
- Being caught in a black hole is bad... ... as no one is able to comprehend the gravity of the situation
- Don't trust any diet advice that tells you to eat light... For that's most certainly the way to become a black hole.
- What do vegan black holes say? "I'm on a strictly planet based diet"
- Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.
Comical Hole Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about hole you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hood jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hole pranks.
Why does the Pakistani prefer the toilet over making love to his wife ?
The hole is tighter, and the smell is better.
Golf lessons
A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."
Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?
Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
A woman is playing golf...
... when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:
Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."
Man: "Where were you stung?"
Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."
Man: "Your stance is too wide."
I always thought the hole in boxer briefs was a messy idea...
until I learned it goes in the front.
There were 3 moles living in a hole...
One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
moles
Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.
"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."
Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."
Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"
"The total cost would be £3000," said the f**... director.
"And that includes digging the grave."
"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.
He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."
Bury the dead!
One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your f**...' cat!!!"
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
An old cowboy told his grandson...
An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole.
I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
A woman is out playing golf...
...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.
"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"
"Right between the first and second hole," she tells him.
"Hmmm," he says, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."
Was walking by a mental hospital when...
I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
Popped a tire on a p**... hole today
Badum tss
This will blow your mind!
If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course
As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."
The moist finger
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me.
And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."
A black hole and a nebula go out to lunch...
A black hole and a nebula are at a restaurant. The nebula orders a ginormous amount of food and the black hole only orders a drink and a small appetizer.
The nebula says the the black hole, "Are you sure you don't want more?"
The black hole replies, "Nah, I eat light"
My mom dropped this one on me
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
My mom asked me what i wanted for xmas. I told her some clothes and something small to play with
She gave me underwear with a hole cut in the front
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason l**... use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
I smell maple syrup!
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . .
molasses."
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub??
Well, the woman in church has hope in her soul, but the woman in tub has soap in her hole...
I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.
How do you trap an elephant?
Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole
Lady golfer
A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming
She says
"A bee stung me"
The man at the desk replies
"where did the bee sting you
The lady replies
"Between hole 1 and 2"
The man at the desk says
"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"
100 nuns are in a prayer session.
After the session ends, the head nun stands up and addresses the nuns.
"There was a man in the convent last night," she says.
99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"We found a c**... in the garden," the head nun continues.
Again, 99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"There was a hole in that c**...."
99 nuns chuckle, while one gasps.
Why do old people like golf?
Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole
I had been digging for a long time today.
Down in the hole I found a box full of Silver coins!
In the excitement I ran back indoors to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole...
A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.
He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.
He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.
He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days...
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?
I guess someone made a hole in Juan.
It has been reported that there is a hole in the ground.
We are currently looking into it.
How to Live a Long Life
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the m**... of Juan Gonzalez.
How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.
A golf gun? What's a golf gun?
I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan
Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.
Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life
My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole
Fair enough it was her sister's but still...
Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: What are you doing there, Nancy?
My goldfish died, Nancy sobbed. And I've just buried him.
The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: That's a really big hole for a little goldfish, don't you think?
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: That's because he's inside your cat.
My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.
Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in the hole if you get it within four inches.
Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!
A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"
The police were called to a female gym...
The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!
Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.
The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?
Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it
In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"
Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"
A woman ran screaming into the pro shop at the golf course...
"I just got stung by a bee between the first and second hole!"
The guy at the counter said "Your stance is too wide".
A family of moles
A family of moles awakens from hibernation. The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says "I smell tulips it must be spring". The mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says " I smell cherry blossoms it must be spring". The baby mole is trying to squeeze between his parents but gets stuck and says "all I smell is molasses"
My girl said she had enough of my mansplaining. She said the next time I do it, she'll throw me into a deep hole filled with water
I know she means well.
A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings
A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.
The pro asks: where'd you get stung?
Between the first and second hole , she answers.
The pro replied: your stance is too wide .
Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.
For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
