Hole In One Jokes
103 hole in one jokes and hilarious hole in one puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hole in one that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hole In One Short Jokes
Short hole in one jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hole in one humour may include short golf hole in one jokes also.
- What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry. - Joke of the day about blondes. Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D - "Why do dads take an extra pair of sock when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
- If it takes 6 men 6 days to dig 6 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole. It's just a hole.
- What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you? The Three-Hole Punch...
- Why did the golfer buy two pairs of socks? He was afraid he'd get a hole in one
^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^out - As a golfer, it's always smart to wear 2 pairs of pants. You know, just in case you get a hole in one.
- My inappropriate uncle told me this one when I was 11: Where do cousins come from? ant holes
- Cool Customers Two drunks are sitting at the bar staring into their drinks. 'hey cobber, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?'
'Yes, I've been married to one for 15 years'. - Being caught in a black hole is bad... ... as no one is able to comprehend the gravity of the situation
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Hole In One One Liners
Which hole in one one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hole in one? I can suggest the ones about hole and golf putt.
- I was cleaning one of my finger guns. I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
- You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.
- How do you cover 18 holes with one hole? Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
- Why did tiger woods bring three socks instead of two? In case he got a hole in one.
- What is good for golf and bad for socks? A hole in one.
- Guys, golf is literally so easy.... I've played one hole and I've got 47 points
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one.
- I never wear golf socks. They've always got a hole in one.
- Did you hear the one about the farmer in the well? It's a hole different story.
- You know how to smuggle something in a golf ball? First, you have to get a hole in one...
- Why did the golfer throw out his favourite socks? Because he got a hole in one.
- Are those golf shoes you're wearing? Because you've got a hole in one
- I used to own two pairs of pants I played golf in constantly. Sadly, I got a Hole In One.
- Why do golfers bring extra pants? Incase they get a hole in one.
- I found a hole in my pants this morning No one's looking into it
Golf Hole In One Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf hole in one jokes and even better golf hole in one puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one. - Why does Luigi bring an extra pair of overalls when he golfs? In case he gets a hole-in-one
- I heard that Tiger Woods takes an extra pair of trousers with him when he plays golf. It's just in case he gets a hole in one.
- I was at a golf course... And I asked a lady, who looked like a regular "Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?". She answered "About an inch".
- I crashed my golf cart two times while driving through hole one. My driving skills were below par.
- Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?.... ....In case you get a hole in one!
- How does a handkerchief differ from golf? If you get a hole in one you might end up with a bogey.
- I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.
- Why did the best golfer in the world throw away his golf shoes ... Because he got a hole in one.
- Did you hear the one about the skydiver who liked to land on golf courses? He made a hole in one.
Fun-Filled Hole In One Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about hole in one you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean golf putting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hole in one pranks.
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...
During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...
This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese h**.... He has his way with the h**... and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his h**.... He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went to China.
He hired a p**... to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.
The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.
Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
A nice clean jewish joke
The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.
On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.
An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God, This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?
Of course it is, said the Lord, smiling. Who can he tell?
On the back of u/baldillin
A young Rabbi is a very avid golfer. He even goes out on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year to play some holes. On his last hole the wind carries the ball and he sinks an amazing hole in one.
In Heaven an angel complains to God, this Rabbi is playing golf on Yom Kippur and you give him a hole in one as punishment!?
Of course, God says, who can he tell?
What's the difference between a really good golfer and a police officer on paid administrative leave?
One shot a hole in one, the other shot a hole in Juan.
Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Hole in one.
Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. Hole in one.
The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says
"I hate playing with your dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Tiger Woods carry 2 blow-up s**... dolls with him at all times?
Incase he gets a hole in one.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
... Incase he got a hole in one.
HEHE one of my favs.
Whats your fav joke?
why should golfers wear two shirts?
in case they get a hole in one
Did you hear about the golfer that went to the dentist for a filling?
He got a hole in one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Mickelson travel with two s**... dolls?
just in case he gets a hole in one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad and son had a conversation.
Dad: Son, it's time to talk about the uhh female and male stuff.
Son: I'm sorry what?
Dad: You know.. the ding into hole in one stuff....
Son: I really don't know what you are talking about dad.
Dad: Son, I'm talking about s**....
Son: Oooh the s**... stuff, I've already educated myself dad.
Dad: From where???
Son: From your Brazzers premium subscription account on your PC....
When do you fix the tire on a golf cart?
When there's a hole in one.
My girlfriend asked me if I bring an extra pair of socks when I play golf.
With a confused look I replied, "No."
She said "What happens if you get a hole in one?"
Why did the Golfer feel aladeen about his socks ?
He had a hole in one.
Did you hear about the golfer that bedded the Queen?
He got a hole in one.
Why were the golfer's donuts so bad?
Because he couldn't get a hole in one!
Why does the raccoon have two pairs of pants while he is golfing?
To be safe in case he gets a hole in one.
Arnold Palmer's last golf trick.
His body was buried as a whole in one grave.
Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course?
He got a hole in one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American businessman was meeting with the managers of the Tokyo office.
His first night in town, he had a h**... come up to his hotel room. While they were engaging in s**..., the h**... kept squirming moaning, "Sung wa! Sung wa!" The businessman didn't know Japanese, but figured the h**... was really into him, and "Sung wa" must mean some expression of pleasure.
The next day, he and three of the managers were playing golf. In the middle of the round, one of the Japanese men shot a hole in one. The American shouted, "Sung wa!"
The Japanese man turned and said, "Wrong hole? What you mean 'wrong hole'?"
Why does a golfer always bring an extra pair of jeans?
Because he might get a hole in one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Tiger Woods call s**... on the first date
A hole in one
Why should you take two pairs of pants to golf?
Just in case you get a hole in one.
How did the golfer die?
I put a hole in one
How do you know a golfer hit a hole in one?
Dont worry, he will tell you.
A golfer shot a Mexican..
He made a hole in one.
Why didn't the golfer wear his lucky socks?
He got a hole in one...
The golfer had to throw away his socks
He got a hole in one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes on a business trip to Japan
In Japan, he picks up a h**... and they go all night long. The entire time they were making love she was excitedly shouting:
##Hasimota! Hasimota!
Since the man obviously didn't know a word of Japanese, he concluded it was some sort of an excitement noise. The next morning he meets with a few japanese businessmen on a golf course. One of the businessmen makes a shot and, surprisingly, scores a hole in one. Everyone applauds and the foreign man, wanting to sound clever, shouts:
##Hasimota!
The man who scored the shot turns to him and asks in confusion: "What do you mean 'Wrong hole!'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American businessman
An American businessman travels to Japan to do business with a Japanese company.
He is in his 50's so he hasn't had s**... in years so he decided to hire a p**... .
He led her to his room and started railing on her , it was great s**... but she kept on yelling this same Japanese phrase that he didn't know.
A couple months later he was back in America and was golfing with his Japanese friend.
His friend was really great at golf and he got a whole in one .
He wanted to impress his friend on his Japanese so he said the same phrase that the p**... told him.
His Japanese friend turned to him confused and said
Wrong hole?
Why does Tiger Woods not use condoms?
Because he had a hole in one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American man goes on a business trip to Japan
His meeting is the next day and he decides to find a Japanese h**... as he's heard great things from his colleagues .
He has s**... with a h**... and the whole night she screams :
"HOSHI MOTA!, HOSHI MOTA!"
But the man had no idea what that meant.
He goes to a morning golf game the next day with the Japanese CEO.
The business man makes a hole in one and is so excited he doesn't know what to say so he yells:
"HOSHI MOTA!, HOSHI MOTA!"
The CEO turns to him confused and asks:
"What do you mean "wrong hole?" "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are playing a round of golf
They're on the green of one hole just over a hill when they hear a crack from the fairway behind them. A ball sails over the ridge and lands near the two golfers. One says to the other,
Hey I've got an idea. Let's put the ball in the hole and give the guy a hole in one.
So they take the ball and put it in the hole. Minutes later a guy comes running over the ridge and asks if the guys had seen where his ball went.
o**... replies,
Yes it came right over the ridge, bounced once, and went right in the hole!
Great! the guy says, That gives me a 9!
A man goes to Japan for a business trip and decides to spice things up.
The night before the meeting, he goes out and meets a friendly Japanese woman who he takes back to the hotel. They get to action and all night the woman repeatedly yells, Chigau! Chigau!
The next day the man goes to the meeting and it follows up with Golf with the Japanese employees. As the man lines up his shot on a Par 3, he swings and gets a hole in one! His Japanese peers celebrate and the man, out of instinct, excitedly yells Chigau!
The company's Japanese translator, confused, asks the man, What do you mean 'Wrong Hole'?
Why does Jesus golf with no hands?
Because he always gets a hole in one.
My wife hates this joke.
Moses is out playing golf with two of his buddies in heaven.
He takes a few swings and gets par on the current hole. The next guy swings and gets a hole in one. Moses says to the guy "Hey, Jesus you're pretty good!" The third guy takes a swing and misses completely hitting a tree and bouncing into the pond. Then a fish jumps out of the water with the golf ball and the fish is snatched by an eagle. The eagle flies over and the fish drops the golf straight into the hole. Moses looks at Jesus and exclaims "This is why I never play with your dad. He always cheats."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan.
One day he decides to hire a h**....
The whole night this Japanese h**... keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"
He can't quite remember what the word means, but he is positive that he pleased the h**... to the best of his ability.
The next morning he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner, when he suddenly makes a hole in one.
Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese, and he can't think of anything to say but "Hoshimota!"
Concerned, his partner turns to him and says: "What do you mean 'The wrong hole'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trip to Japan
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan, and he hires a h**.... The whole night the h**... keeps screaming, "Hosthimota! Hosthimota!"
The man doesn't know what the word means, but he's positive he's pleased the h**... to the best of his abilities, and thus assumes it's positive.
The next day he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partners when he makes a hole in one! Everyone is congratulating him, and he can't think of anything to say but, "Hosthimota!"
The applause stop, and one of the business partners turns to him and says, "No, sir. That *was* the right hole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man goes on a work trip to Japan.
A man travels to Japan for work. After a few weeks he gets lonely and hires a p**.... They get down to business, but right away she starts yelling "machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"
Not speaking a word of Japanese he thinks she must be really enjoying it. He finishes up and she collects her things quickly, grabs the money scowling all the time and slams the door on the way out.
The next day his boss takes him out for a round of golf. On the third hole he tee's up, takes a swing and it flies true and lands a whole in one! He's so excited and wants to show off the Japanese he learned. "Machigatta ana" he screams!
He boss looks confused... "No, you got it in the right hole... "
Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf.
Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the water trap but still lands in the water. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it lands in the water a fish jumps out of the water and catches the ball in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws, then the eagle flies over the green and is hit by a sudden bolt lightning and the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls in for a hole in one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around we won't bring you next time!"
Jesus, Moses, and this guy are out golfing...
and the hole is a notorious Par 3 with a huge lake before the green. Moses takes a shot and hits it right into the lake. With his second shot he parts the lake, knocks it on the green, and right after he putts it in for par.
Jesus goes next and he too can't clear the water hazard and the ball just sticks on the surface without sinking. He walked right across the surface of the water where he chipped it in for a birdie.
The two looked back at the man awaiting his shot with smug faces. He hits the ball and like the others it falls right into the lake. Jesus and Moses snicker a little bit before a fish swims to the surface with the ball in it's mouth as an eagle swoops down from the clouds and grabs the fish. As it flies away the ball falls out of the fishes mouth landing on the green where a squirrel runs across and pushes it into the cup for a hole in one.
Moses throws down his club and looks and Jesus and says "Man I HATE playing golf with your Dad!"
"Seven!" "Seven!" "Seven!"
A man was walking along, when he came upon a a property with a plank fence surrounding it. He hears people inside chanting the number seven over and over again. He doesn't know much about this property, except that a cult meets there, he can't see through the fence, and he's always been curious about it. When he hears "Seven!" "Seven!" "Seven!" he can't help himself, he peeks through a hole in one of the planks. Someone promptly pokes him in the eye with a stick. They begin chanting "Eight!" "Eight!" "Eight!"
The most cruel punishment
A rabbi is out of town on Yom Kippur. Since nobody knows who he is, he decides to play a round of golf. Up in heaven, God sees him and decides to punish the rabbi for his transgression. However, before God does anything, Moses stops him and says, "Let me take care of this.'' God thinks about it for a moment and say "Ok.''
The rabbi tes off on the first hole, and from above, Moses causes the ball to be a perfect hole in one. This is repeated for the second hole, the third hole, in fact, for every hole on the course. The rabbi has hit a perfect game.
God turns to Moses and says "I thought you were going to punish him?'', to which Moses replies, "Who's he going to tell?''
Jesus and Moses and another guy go for a round of golf
So they all line up and Moses hits the ball first. It flies up and lands straight in the pond. Moses then walks to the pond and splits the water in half, chips his ball onto the green and pots it in for par.
Jesus then steps up, again hits it into the pond. He walks on the pond finds the ball chips it up onto the green for par.
This other guy looks at these two for a moment before stepping up to hit the ball. The ball flies up in the air before again landing in the pond. Amazingly a fish swallows the ball, just as it does this a big bird grabs it out of the pond, the fish drops the ball midair and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one!
Moses then turns to Jesus and goes "i hate playing with your dad"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A golfer makes a hole in one.
A guy is out golfing by himself one evening. On a short par three, he makes a hole in one. As he takes the ball out of the hole, a fairy appears and says.
" I am the hole in one fairy. I can grant you a boon, you can either shoot par on every round from now on, or you can become the greatest lover in the world."
They guy thinks it over and says: " I think I want to shoot par."
The fairy says: " you must have a pretty good s**... life, how often do you have s**...?"
The guy says: " Maybe once every two weeks."
The fairy says: "Is that all?"
The guy replies: " For a priest in a small town, that's pretty good."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A businessman in China (mild n**...)
A businessman in China to meet the CEO of a major corporation decided to loosen up the day before his big meeting by having a call girl come to his room. They are going through the motions and towards the end she exclaims " ding bao, ding bao!"
Afterwards he asked her what that meant, in a shy voice she said that it meant "excellent!"
The next day his meeting went so well that the CEO invited him to a round of golf. The CEO sank a hole in one on the second hole. Thinking it would make him seem cultured, the businessman exclaimed "Ding Bao, sir!".
The CEO paused, looked at him befuddled, and asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American goes to Japan....
...to close a big business deal. The night before, he is very tense so he picks up a h**... in the hotel bar. She speaks no English, but they get their transaction settled and go to his room.
In bed, she is wildly thrashing around screaming out a phrase in Japanese. The man figures she is loving it and tries to remember what she is yelling.
The next day, he is playing golf with his Japanese customer. On the third tee, the Japanese man swings, the ball makes a beautiful arc, hits the green, bounces twice, rolls, and winds up right in the cup -- a hole in one!
Thinking to impress his client, the man repeats the phrase he had heard so much the night before. The Japanese golfer eyes him and says, "What you mean.... wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dork Ruined Joke Then Deleted It Because He Couldn't Stand The Downvotes: Reposted Right
An American gentleman arranged a liaison with a Japanese lady. As they were indulging in s**... i**..., she repeatedly shouted a Japanese word which he did not understand but took to mean "Wonderful" or something similar which increased his ardor, his efforts with the lady, and his enjoyment, as well as her apparent enjoyment because she kept shouting that word.
The next day, he played golf with some Japanese business associates and hit a hole in one. In elation, he shouted out the same word his poule de nuit had been shouting the night before. One of the Japanese gentlemen present, perplexed, asked, "What do you mean "'wrong hole'"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a man goes to japan on a business trip
...and he is bored on his first night so he hires a p**.... she comes to his room and he furiously screws her. the entire time, she is saying "hoshi mota HOSHI MOTA HOOOSSHIIII MOTAAAAA!!!!!!!" he thought the s**... was wonderful. the next day, after a business meeting, he goes to play golf with his business partners, and happens to score a hole in one. everyone is congradulating him in japanese, and he has nothing else to say, so he says "hoshi mota" his partner looks at him with a confused look on his face and says, "what do you mean wrong hole?
skipping church
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee,
he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from
the heavens and exclaimed "You're not going to let him get away with this, are
you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, a man goes on a business trip..
To Japan, he gets there during the night and is pretty nervous about the business meeting so he decides to order up a p**..., a fine lady walks into his room and they make love for hours, the entire time she is going wild, taking it from behind and screaming "Machigatta ana" after he finishes he's feeling pretty relaxed so he goes to bed.
The following day he meets up with his business clients and they tell him they are taking him to one of Japan's best golf courses. The man is excited as he loves golf and off they go, all is going well and on the 7th hole, a par three, one of the Japanese men gets a hole in one! All the men are ecstatic, jumping up and down when the businessmen gets an idea, he will impress the Japanese men by using the phrase the p**... used the night before, it must have been something good right?! So he loudly proclaims "Machigatta ana!" And both the Japanese men look back at him puzzled and say "huh? No, That's the right hole.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player,
I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, "three wood." I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard "three wood." I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three
wood. I thought it was s**... but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next whole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog.
That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played Roulette. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After that I was tired so I went up to bed. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. Suddenly it looked at me and said, "kiss me." Now I wasn't about to kiss a frog, but he said it again. So I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room
A salesman gets lost (a little long)
A Salesman gets lost in the woods. Nearing dark he sees a farmers house, and decides to ask for a place to sleep. The farmer says, "Sure, but you're going to have to stay in the barn with some of the animals."
The salesman agrees, but before he could walk to the barn, the farmer tells him not to mess with the hole in one of the stables. The farmer goes off to the house, and the Salesman gets ready for bed.
A few hours into the night, the salesman starts to wonder about this "hole"... he looks over it, and sees that its got some heat coming from it, and its kinda moist. A few minutes pass and one thing leads to another...
The next day the farmer is woken up by the police at the door. An officer tells him they got a 911 call and tracked it to this location. The farmer says he didn't call, but maybe the Salesman did. He rushes over to the barn to see the Salesman pants down and pale white inside the "hole".
The farmer looks to the officers and says "Dang it,that's my milkin machine... it won't stop till its got 1 gallon."
Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing. The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green. Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole. The old man's turn comes and he drives the ball. The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish. As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish. As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one. Jesus looks at Moses and says, "I really think I'm leaving Dad at home next time!"
