Hoes Jokes

What are some Hoes jokes?

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?

Tally Hoes.

Bros v. Hoes

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

You know the saying "bros before hoes"?

Well, I've found out how I can balance my relationships between the two evenly...

...a homie-hoe-stasis, if you will

What do you call women with a fetish for firefighters?

Fire Hoes.

What do you call a Mexican-Canadian pimp business?

Hoes, eh?

What's it called when bros before hoes is balanced with hoes before bros?


So a man hoes to a strip club

He sits down in the front row. A man sits behind him.
A girl comes out and starts dancing. Both of the men cheer.
She takes off her top. Both men cheer.
She takes off her bottom.Only the man in the front cheers.
Curious the man in front turns around and asks
Where'd all the enthusiasm go.
The man response. "all over your back"

Pimps don't count their own money. They have their hoes do it for them.

It's the thot that counts.

What's the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

Did you hear about the new farmers dating site?

It's full of hoes.

At the maternity ward...

Three men sit in the maternity ward of a hospital. The orderly comes in and says to the first man "Congratulations sir! you are the proud father of two healthy twins!" the man replies "Hah! what a coincidence! I work at Twin City Motors!" whereupon he hoes into the ward to be with his wife. a few minutes pass, before the orderly returns and says to the second man "Congratulations, sir! you are the proud father of three healthy triplets!" to which he replies "Hah! what a coincidence! I work for Triple A!" before going into the ward to be with his wife. A few hours pass but eventually the orderly comes back into the room, and before she can say a thing, the third man jumps up, and tears down the hall screaming. "Sir! what's wrong!" the orderly shouts, chasing after him. The man shouts over his shoulder "I work for Ten Thousand Auto Parts!"

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

What do you call prostitutes that are out of breath?

Panty Hoes

When you'd rather read a book than date a girl ...

it's prose over hoes.

I like my sheds the way I like my strip clubs...

...dark and full of hoes

What do you say when you get cornered by a gang of Italian prostitutes?

"Uh-oh, spaghetti hoes!"

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three hoes.
(sorry if repost)

Why do they call me the fireman?

Cause I turn on the hoes

I like my hoes like I like my salad dressing...

On the side

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

What does Snoop Dogg keep in his backyard?

His garden hoes.

Now that he's divorced, what does Amazon's CEO do when he's feeling lonely?

Jeff pays hoes.

I dumped a girl because she wouldn't let me read poetry.

Prose before hoes.

Did you hear Buffalo Bill reformed and is now a pick up artist and skin care specialist?

He puts the lotion in the basket and then he gets the hoes again

My rapper friend has started a really successful gardening tool delivery business.

He's got hoes in different area codes.

I think I'd be a sick fireman

After all, I'm amazing at turning the hoes on.

What to you call a pimp with too many hoes? (Original joke)

A whoreder.

What did the firemen turned pimp do to streamline his business?

Fire hoes.

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

My friend, who is a landscaper, was cheating on his wife and I told him to stop.

He replied, "it's hard man.. I got to much love for the hoes"

Everyone's saying Bros before hoes ...

But if you ask me, I'd say you need a balance,

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old

*what does Santa want for Christmas? Hoe Hoe Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

Being attractive is a requirement to become a firefighter...

Because they turn the hoes on.

Why does a Gardener make a decent Pimp?

They have experience dragging hoes outa beds

Why did the Strip club manager reject a retired Fireman's job application?

Becuase he'd fire hoes.

What do Ludacris and Home Depot have in common?

They both have hoes in different area codes.

What do a rapper and a gardener have in common?

They both spend a lot of money on hoes.

I work in construction...

We don't have side pieces, we have back hoes

What did the single writer say to his friend?

Prose before hoes

What does Santa want for Christmas?


"Where the hoes at?" asks John

as he walks into Home Depot

I'm kind of like a fireman.

I turn the hoes on.

Hoes aren't lost

They are just looking for their soul mate

What do you call a Canadian pimp?


(hoes eh?)

What did the German patron say to the pimp?

Lead yer hoes in.

Did you hear about the Tijuana pimp that took his girls to Canada?

Hoes eh?

why are blacks such good pimps

because they have been using hoes for sentuarys

How to make Hoes jokes?

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