hoes Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hoes puns

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

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What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?

Tally Hoes.

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Bros v. Hoes

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

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You know the saying "bros before hoes"?

Well, I've found out how I can balance my relationships between the two evenly...



...a homie-hoe-stasis, if you will

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What do you call women with a fetish for firefighters?

Fire Hoes.

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What's it called when bros before hoes is balanced with hoes before bros?

Homie-hoe-stasis

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So a man hoes to a strip club

He sits down in the front row. A man sits behind him.
A girl comes out and starts dancing. Both of the men cheer.
She takes off her top. Both men cheer.
She takes off her bottom.Only the man in the front cheers.
Curious the man in front turns around and asks
Where'd all the enthusiasm go.
The man response. "all over your back"

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What's the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

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Did you hear about the new farmers dating site?

It's full of hoes.

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At the maternity ward...

Three men sit in the maternity ward of a hospital. The orderly comes in and says to the first man "Congratulations sir! you are the proud father of two healthy twins!" the man replies "Hah! what a coincidence! I work at Twin City Motors!" whereupon he hoes into the ward to be with his wife. a few minutes pass, before the orderly returns and says to the second man "Congratulations, sir! you are the proud father of three healthy triplets!" to which he replies "Hah! what a coincidence! I work for Triple A!" before going into the ward to be with his wife. A few hours pass but eventually the orderly comes back into the room, and before she can say a thing, the third man jumps up, and tears down the hall screaming. "Sir! what's wrong!" the orderly shouts, chasing after him. The man shouts over his shoulder "I work for Ten Thousand Auto Parts!"

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What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

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One day,little Timmy was at school and heard the word shit .

He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him coats and jackets .

Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word fucking , and for a second time, asked his father what it meant.

His father promptly said cooking .

Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words bitches and hoes .

He went home and his father told him it meant grandpa and grandma .

Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.

Timmy answered the door with glee and says: Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"

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What do you call prostitutes that are out of breath?

Panty Hoes

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When you'd rather read a book than date a girl ...

it's prose over hoes.

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I like my sheds the way I like my strip clubs...

...dark and full of hoes

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What do you say when you get cornered by a gang of Italian prostitutes?

"Uh-oh, spaghetti hoes!"

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what's the best thing about gardening?

getting down and dirty with all your hoes

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Why do they call me the fireman?

Cause I turn on the hoes

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three hoes.
(sorry if repost)

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I like my hoes like I like my salad dressing...

On the side

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Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

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What does Snoop Dogg keep in his backyard?

His garden hoes.

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I dumped a girl because she wouldn't let me read poetry.

Prose before hoes.

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Did you hear Buffalo Bill reformed and is now a pick up artist and skin care specialist?

He puts the lotion in the basket and then he gets the hoes again

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I got so many bitches and so many hoes.

Then again, it's unsurprising considering I'm a farmer.

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I think I'd be a sick fireman

After all, I'm amazing at turning the hoes on.

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What did the firemen turned pimp do to streamline his business?

Fire hoes.

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My friend, who is a landscaper, was cheating on his wife and I told him to stop.

He replied, "it's hard man.. I got to much love for the hoes"

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

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Everyone's saying Bros before hoes ...

But if you ask me, I'd say you need a balance,

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

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Being attractive is a requirement to become a firefighter...

Because they turn the hoes on.

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Why does a Gardener make a decent Pimp?

They have experience dragging hoes outa beds

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some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old

*what does Santa want for Christmas? Hoe Hoe Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

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What do Ludacris and Home Depot have in common?

They both have hoes in different area codes.

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I work in construction...

We don't have side pieces, we have back hoes

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What are the most funny Hoes jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hoes? Well, here are the best Hoes dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hoes pick up lines to share with friends.

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