Hockey Player Jokes
82 hockey player jokes and hilarious hockey player puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hockey player that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Hockey Player Short Jokes
Short hockey player jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hockey player humour may include short hockey goalie jokes also.
- What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now
- What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
- What's the difference a hockey player and a hippie chick? A hockey player showers after three periods
- Did you know that R. Kelly wanted to be a pro hockey player? He was good at it too, but the only trouble was that he didn't want to score after the first period.
- What do a hippie-chick and a hockey player have in common? Both don't shower until after 3 periods.
- Did you know r kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player? The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.
- Whats the difference between hockey players and hippie girls? Hockey players shower after 3 periods
- What do hippie chicks and hockey players have in common? They usually shower after three periods.
- Did you hear about the hockey game where all the players had leprosy? There was a face off in the corner.
- What do a hockey player and an Amish woman have in common? They both shower after the third period.
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Hockey Player One Liners
Which hockey player one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hockey player? I can suggest the ones about hockey and hockey team.
- Why do hockey players always make terrible birthday cakes? Because icing is not allowed.
- What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn? Grain Wetzsky
- What do you call a hockey player in a wheat field when it's raining? Grayne Wetzky
- Hockey seems like a women's sport.... It has periods and the players wear pads.
- What do you tell a Hockey player messing up with you... ... Stop pucking around
- Where does a majority of a hockey player's salary come from? The tooth fairy
- Why do hockey players wear so many pads? Because they have 3 periods every game!
- What do you call a hockey-player-turned-farmer whose silo leaks? Grain Wetzsky
- Hockey players are like goldfish The way we get their attention is to tap on the glass
- Why do field hockey players never sweat? They have too many fans!
- Where do hockey players go to get another uniform? New Jersey
- What is a gay hockey players favorite drink? Penal-tea
- Hockey players are known for their summer teeth Summer here, summer there
- Why was Cinderella such a bad field hockey player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
- What is a female hockey player's most vivid memory? Her first period on the ice.
Charming Humor Hockey Player Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about hockey player you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hockey puck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hockey player pranks.
Your mom is like a hockey player: she only showers after 3 periods.
Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea?
A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
What does a hockey player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!
What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!
What do women addicted to h**... got in common with ice-hockey players? They both change clothes after three periods.
When is a field hockey player like a judge? When she sits on the bench.
Good Blonde Joke
A blind guy walks into a lesbian bar and orders a drink. He sits for a while and doesnt hear much so he asks if anyone wants to hear a blonde joke. The bartender says, before you tell your joke I want you to know that there is a big blonde softball player sitting next to you, two blondes that cage fight playing pool behind you, and I myself am a blonde female hockey player...So, do you still want to tell you joke? No. The man replies, not if Im going to have to explain it four times!
Whats the difference between a hockey player and a lesbian? (Dirty joke)
Hockey players shower after three periods.
What makes a hockey player laugh? (Warning: Cheesy)
Slapstick Comedy!
Hippie jokes
Q: How can you tell a hippie has been at your house?
A: He's still there.
Q: What did he say when you told him to leave?
A: Namaste.
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Q: What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?
A: The joint won't make it all the way around the circle.
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Q: How do you starve a hippie?
A: Hide his drug money under the soap.
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Q: What did the Deadhead say when he ran out of w**...?
A: Man, this music s**...!
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Q: What do hippie chicks and hockey players have in common?
A: They both shower and change pads after 3 periods.
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So this guy got his dog really high. He tells the dog "Play dead." And the dog says, "Nah man, play Floyd!"
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Please add more if you think of them, most of my friends are "hippies" and these jokes freakin crack me up.
What did the hockey player nickname his d***?
A mini-stick!
To a hockey player the world is a puck, soccer players are smarter.
A restaurant manager gets offered a promotion...
After calling him into his office, the owner of the store tells the manager that he would like to give him the opportunity of being an owner of his own at a location in Canada. "Canada?", the manager says, "The only people in Canada are idiots or hockey players!" The owner becomes very serious, and says "My wife is from Canada." The manager quickly responds, "Oh what team does she play for?"
Why was Jesus Christ a lousy hockey player?
He was always getting nailed to the boards.
Why couldn't Jesus eat M&M's?
His hands are full of holes!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jeus?
It only takes one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.
What do a Feminist and a Hockey Player have in common?
They both change their pads after three periods.
What does a n**... and an ice hockey player have in common?
Why are there so few black hockey players?
Because there was no cotton in Canada.
What's the difference between a hockey player and my exgirlfriend?
A hockey player will shower after 3 periods.
Letter to God
Dear God,
Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.
What's the diffrence between a...
What's the difference between a hockey player and a feminist?
After three periods the hockey player takes a shower.
How do you confuse a feminist?
Tell her that you refuse to allow her to make you a sandwich.
What did the hockey player say to the referee who showed up late to the game?
"Hey ref are you pregnant? Because you've missed 2 periods"
What's the difference between a hockey player and a french canadian woman?
Hockey players shower after 3 periods.
What can energize hockey players?
An ice meal.
A hockey player walks into a bar
He will be out 2 to 4 weeks with an upper body injury
What do you call a dad and his son over for dinner at a famous hockey players home?
.....
.....The Father
.....The Son
.....And The goalie Host
What is the difference between a hippy chick and a hockey player? (1 of 3 hippy jokes)
A hockey player usually showers after 3 periods
What's the difference between an hockey player and a movie director?
One misses all the shots he doesn't take, the other misses all the takes he doesn't shoot
Why are Prague hockey players sent to the penalty box in twos?
Because they keep double Czeching.
What does a hockey player and a p**... have in common?
They both shower after 3 periods.
A hockey player started watching the X-Files...
... the _tooth_ is out there
Sports injuries
An ice hockey player, a rodeo clown and a beautiful figure skater walk into a bar. After a couple of drinks they start to compare their injuries.
None of my teeth are my own, I once lost seven teeth during one game. , started the hockey player.
Well, that's nothing - during my career I have broken each and every one of my bones , replied the rodeo clown.
The figure skater rolls her eyes and says: I used to be a Red Sox infielder. Do yo have any idea what that ball can do to a man, if you forget to wear the jock strap.
What do female h**... addicts and hockey players have in common?
They both finally change clothes after three periods.
What did the hockey player say after testing his opponent's balance?
Just checking.
Did you hear about the hockey player who became a surgeon?
He specialized in bury-hat-trick surgery.
Why do so many pro hockey players come from Canada?
Free Health Care.
Why are there so few black hockey players?
They melt them into hockey pucks
What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?
Wayne Regretzky
Why did the hockey player hate his desk job at the ice skating rink?
Because he was in the office part of the building
What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.
2 hockey players were fighting on the rink. Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right hander to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice. A player on the bench says
"at least he got ice on it right away."
A hockey player was asked, 'How many accidents have you had in your career?'
The player responded, 'None for sure. I've had two concussions, lost all my front teeth, have had my nose broken four times, but they weren't accidents. The opponents did it on purpose'.