Hockey Jokes

Funniest Hockey Short Jokes

Short hockey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hockey humour may include short soccer jokes also.

1. What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now
2. I wish life was more like hockey... Who doesn't want a horn to sound when their period ends?
3. What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
4. Why do hockey rinks have rounded corners? Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.
5. What's the difference a hockey player and a hippie chick? A hockey player showers after three periods
6. What's the difference between a hockey team and a Russian woman? The hockey team showers after three periods.
7. Did you know that R. Kelly wanted to be a pro hockey player? He was good at it too, but the only trouble was that he didn't want to score after the first period.
8. Why do Canadians always beat Germans at hockey? Canadians bring their 'eh' game; Germans bring their wurst.
9. What do a hippie-chick and a hockey player have in common? Both don't shower until after 3 periods.
10. Did you know r kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player? The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.

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Hockey One Liners

Which hockey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hockey? I can suggest the ones about skating and basketball.

1. Women's hockey is the most dangerous sport... Twelve women, three periods each.
2. Why do hockey players always make terrible birthday cakes? Because icing is not allowed.
3. Why is hockey the bloodiest sport? It has three periods.
4. I watched hockey before it was cool. They basically were swimming.
5. Why cant a woman be the goalie for hockey? 3 periods 2 pads.
6. What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn? Grain Wetzsky
7. Water polo was invented After a particularly heated game of ICE Hockey
8. Why did Jesus never play hockey? He was always more of a lacrosse guy.
9. Why was Jesus bad at hockey? He kept getting nailed to the boards.
10. Went to fight.. Hockey game broke out.
11. Do you know why Jesus stopped playing hockey? Kept getting nailed to the boards.
12. I went to a Canadian fight one time And a hockey game broke out :(
13. What do you call a hockey player in a wheat field when it's raining? Grayne Wetzky
14. I was going to make a joke about hockey….. But who gives a puck about that?
15. Hockey seems like a women's sport.... It has periods and the players wear pads.

Hockey Player Jokes

Here is a list of funny hockey player jokes and even better hockey player puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Whats the difference between hockey players and hippie girls? Hockey players shower after 3 periods
• What do hippie chicks and hockey players have in common? They usually shower after three periods.
• Did you hear about the hockey game where all the players had leprosy? There was a face off in the corner.
• What do you tell a Hockey player messing up with you... ... Stop pucking around
• What do a hockey player and an Amish woman have in common? They both shower after the third period.
• Where does a majority of a hockey player's salary come from? The tooth fairy
• What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.
• What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey? Wayne Regretzky
• Why do hockey players wear so many pads? Because they have 3 periods every game!
• What do you call a hockey-player-turned-farmer whose silo leaks? Grain Wetzsky

Ice Hockey Jokes

Here is a list of funny ice hockey jokes and even better ice hockey puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• So these lepers are playing ice hockey and he gets kicked off the team. Why? Because there was a face off on the ice.
• Why do hipsters love field hockey? Because it's ice hockey before it gets cool.
• Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
• The first jockstrap in ice hockey was introduced in 1874. The helmet was first obligatory in 1974. So it took precisely 100 years before men realized that the brain eventually could be useful too.
• Why did the hockey player hate his desk job at the ice skating rink? Because he was in the office part of the building
• Did you hear about the Ice Hockey charity that went bankrupt? No one gave a puck.
• Germany will beat Russia in ice hockey.... We learned from last time we faced them in Winter.
• What do you call an alligator that plays hockey? An ice gator
• How did the English cheerleaders get hired by the quebec ice hockey team? They were the best ones at forming a Q.
• What is a female hockey player's most vivid memory? Her first period on the ice.

Hockey Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny hockey team jokes and even better hockey team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• *Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA* That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.
• My son is playing hockey for the youth Nashville team. GO CHILD PREDATORS!!!
• Why did Jesus quit the hockey team? He was tired of being nailed against the boards.
• Why does the Finnish hockey team not have any fans It's already cold enough, they don't need any
• What do your mom and a hockey team have in common? They both go three periods without a shower.
• What does a woman trucker and a hockey team have in common? They both shower after 3 periods!
• What does a Polish woman and a hockey team have in common? They both change their pads after three periods.
• What does Canada do with all their hardened and dangerous criminals? They give them hockey jerseys and call them our National Hockey Team
• At first, I was quite surprised to see my hockey team's goalie surrounded by beautiful women at the bar ...but then I remembered he's good at snatching pucks, and vice versa.
• Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships? They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

Hockey Puck Jokes

Here is a list of funny hockey puck jokes and even better hockey puck puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why do Canadian women use hockey pucks instead of tampons? Because they last for 3 periods.
• What's the difference between a hockey game and a high school reunion? At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
• What did the hockey stick say after hitting the black disc? Puck that hurt!
• Why are there so few black hockey players? They melt them into hockey pucks
• What does a hockey goalie say when his team loses? Awh, puck it.
• What do they do to black people in Canada? Melt them in to hockey pucks
• Do you know why hockey pucks are black?
• What did the mortician say when putting Don Rickles on ice? Who's the hockey puck now?!
• Mom + hockey + Cow trough = ? Mother pucking bullspit. *badump tss*
• To a hockey player the world is a puck, soccer players are smarter.

Hockey Goalie Jokes

Here is a list of funny hockey goalie jokes and even better hockey goalie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Women make terrible hockey goalies... Their pads only last one period.
• What do you call a dad and his son over for dinner at a famous hockey players home? .....
  .....The Father
  .....The Son
  .....And The Goalie Host
• Did you hear about the Mexican hockey goalie? Jesus saves... A lot.
• How are hockey goalies and some women alike? They only change their pads once after every three periods
• Why are women so bad at being hockey goalies? Because there are 3 periods and only 2 pads.
• Why do women hockey goalies have an advantage over male hockey goalies?
• Why do girls s**... at playing hockey as goalie? Because there are 3 periods and only 2 pads

The Funniest Hockey Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about hockey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ice skating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hockey pranks.