hobbit Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hobbit puns

My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".

Always Tolkien in her sleep...


A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.


Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.


Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

Because he was bored of the rings!


What are 8 Hobbits?

One hobbyte.


What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?

More doors.


An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Hobbit walk into a bar...

All three proceed to eat, drink and have a good time, slamming down pint after pint of ale until finally the pub was closing. The bartender asks them how he should split the tab as it was a pretty hefty sum.

"I got this," replies the Elf as he looks at the bill. "My two friends here are always a little short anyway."


[NSFW] An Orc and an Elf are sitting at a tavern looking at a pretty hobbit girl.

"I took her on a date last night," bragged the Orc.
"And she let me reach under the table and diddle her hairy twat!"

"Liar." Says the Elf.
"It's true! She loved it. Go ask her." Says the Orc.

So the Elf approaches the pretty Hobbit.
"Is it true that you went on a date with that Orc?"

"Oh yes, he was wonderful." Says the hobbit. "Best foot massage I ever had."


I'm not saying it's hot in my house...

...but a hobbit just threw a ring through the front door.


Last night I was dreaming...

So last night I was dreaming that I was writing *The Hobbit* and *The Lord of the Rings* books but my wife complained that I was very loud and disturbed her sleep.

Apparently I was tolkien in my sleep.


hobbitoes joke of the day

A guy walks into a bar. Looking depressed, he sits down and says "Bartender, I need 5 shots of wild turkey." The bartender asks "Why the long face?" Guy says "I just found out that my son is gay" Bartender says "That's rough. I'll buy you your 6th shot." Guy drinks and leaves.

Next day, guy comes back looking even more depressed. Says, "I need 10 shots of wild turkey" Bartender says "What the hell happened now?" Guy says I just found out that my only other son is gay too" Bartender says "Shit man, 11th shot is on me." Guy drinks and stumbles home.

Next day, guy comes back and says "Bartender, just put the bottle on the bar next to a shot glass." Bartender says "Jesus, doesn't anybody in your family like pussy?" Guy says "Apparently, my wife does."


Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.


I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...

The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout

The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive

The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous

The ring is the human because they were given the most rings

And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest


I had I dream I wrote The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I was Tolkien in my sleep.


I'd like two tickets, please.

- Is it for The Hobbit?

- No, she's my girlfriend.


What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into a wizard?

sauromon, didnt see you there.


I think three movies is a bit much for the hobbit.

Seems like they're really dragon it out.


What do you call an annoying hobbit?



Every time Galndalf sees a Hobbit he calls them Frodo.

He doesn't have Alzheimer's disease, he just does it out of force of Hobbit.


How do hobbit flowers grow?

Through Frodo-synthesis.


A man went to the movie..

A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, "One more."

"For The Hobbit?" the ticket vendor asked.

"No," the man replied, "That's my girlfriend."


I used to be a fan of reading Tolkien

But then I kicked the hobbit


What do you call 13 dwarves and a hobbit inside a mountain?

A *smaugasbord*.


Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit.

Bilbo is 7' 6" now.


Why did the hobbit fall

He had a Frodoian slip


I bet old hobbit ladies watched a lot of "Mordor, She Wrote."


I can't stop making figurines of Frodo

It's hobbit forming.


Why didn't Spock do a mind meld with Frodo?

Because he figured that would be a bad hobbit to get in to.


Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A.

Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug.


A hobbit walks into a bar

It was very low down.


Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.


You Tolkien to me?!"

- Hobbit de Niro.


What do you call a smelly Hobbit?



What do you call a hobbit that looks good in pictures?



How do you become a hobbit?

Eat, shrink and be Merry!


What are the most funny Hobbit jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hobbit? Well, here are the best Hobbit dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hobbit pick up lines to share with friends.

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