Hobbit Jokes

Following is our collection of Hobbit funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Hobbit jokes

My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".

Always Tolkien in her sleep...

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

Because he was bored of the rings!

What are 8 Hobbits?

One hobbyte.

What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?

More doors.

An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Hobbit walk into a bar...

All three proceed to eat, drink and have a good time, slamming down pint after pint of ale until finally the pub was closing. The bartender asks them how he should split the tab as it was a pretty hefty sum.

"I got this," replies the Elf as he looks at the bill. "My two friends here are always a little short anyway."

My partner keeps on having disturbed dreams

My partner keeps on having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Mordor!" and "Gandalf!"

Always Tolkien in their sleep...

I'm not saying it's hot in my house...

...but a hobbit just threw a ring through the front door.

Last night I was dreaming...

So last night I was dreaming that I was writing *The Hobbit* and *The Lord of the Rings* books but my wife complained that I was very loud and disturbed her sleep.

Apparently I was tolkien in my sleep.

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...

The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout

The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive

The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous

The ring is the human because they were given the most rings

And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest

I had I dream I wrote The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I was Tolkien in my sleep.

What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into a wizard?

sauromon, didnt see you there.

I'd like two tickets, please.

- Is it for The Hobbit?

- No, she's my girlfriend.

I think three movies is a bit much for the hobbit.

Seems like they're really dragon it out.

What do you call an annoying hobbit?


Every time Galndalf sees a Hobbit he calls them Frodo.

He doesn't have Alzheimer's disease, he just does it out of force of Hobbit.

A man went to the movie..

A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, "One more."

"For The Hobbit?" the ticket vendor asked.

"No," the man replied, "That's my girlfriend."

I used to be a fan of reading Tolkien

But then I kicked the hobbit

How do hobbit flowers grow?

Through Frodo-synthesis.

What do you call 13 dwarves and a hobbit inside a mountain?

A *smaugasbord*.

Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit.

Bilbo is 7' 6" now.

Why did the hobbit fall

He had a Frodoian slip

I can't stop making figurines of Frodo

It's hobbit forming.

I bet old hobbit ladies watched a lot of "Mordor, She Wrote."

Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A.

Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug.

Why didn't Spock do a mind meld with Frodo?

Because he figured that would be a bad hobbit to get in to.

Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

A hobbit walks into a bar

It was very low down.

You Tolkien to me?!"

- Hobbit de Niro.

What do you call a smelly Hobbit?


How do you become a hobbit?

Eat, shrink and be Merry!

What do you call a hobbit that looks good in pictures?


Tolkein in puns

Is a very bad hobbit.

Frodo was chosen as the Ringbearer because...

it's hard to break a hobbit

What do 8 hobbits make?

A hobbyte.

Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit?

No, but Elijah would.

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

What do you call it when someone likes Lord Of The Rings way too much?

A Bad Hobbit.

Which hobbit is really good at advertising?

Billboard Baggins

What's a hobbits favorite drink?

Mountain Doom

Why does the travelling hobbit always carry his elven cloak?

When he goes to pee in the woods and he brings out his other *precious*, he still gets the feeling that there's someone eyeing him.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes