Hmm Reply Jokes
23 hmm reply jokes and hilarious hmm reply puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hmm reply that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hmm Reply Short Jokes
Short hmm reply jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hmm reply humour may include short replying jokes also.
- René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you care for a drink?"
Descartes replies, "Hmm, I think not."
René Descartes does not exist. - A bird lands in a bush between two others.. He turns to one on his right and asks s**... ? The other bird replies angrily No spit! . He looks at the bird to his left Hmm thorny subject .
- "Hmm," I said to the fishmonger, examining the selection. "I've got the munchies, I will eat any of these." "Smoked trout?" he asked.
"No," I replied. "Just a little bit of w**...."
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Hmm Reply Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hmm reply you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean responds jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hmm reply pranks.
A man walks up to a g**... the street
He asks her "would you have s**... with me for a million dollars?"
The girl replies "hmm.. for a millian dollars sure!"
The man asks "would you have s**... with me for free?"
The girl replies "for free? What kind of girl do you think I am?
The man replies "we've already found what kind of girl you are now we are just negotiating a price."
A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.
A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."
Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" She replies "hmm, I bet it's Betty, she's a real p**...."
A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 1)
He turns up to the interview and there are two other guys.
The first guy gets taken in for an interview and is asked: Who killed Jesus Christ? He replies "The Jews".
The second guy gets taken in and is asked the same thing, to which he replies "The Romans".
The third guy (our guy) gets taken in and when asked the same question he replies "Hmm, I'll have to go home and think about that for a while".
When he got home, his wife asked how he went and he replied enthusiastically "It went really well, I've been assigned a case already!"
Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.
Hmm… Sherlock ponders, I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6' 1 , was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.
Watson was completely confused by his partner's deduction.
How could you possibly get all that from just a button?
Elementary! Sherlock replied. Because it's mine!
The owners of a micro-brewery are sitting around a table having their monthly board meeting.
The accountant stands up and says "So, let's see, this month, we lost ... hmm... hmm... Hey! Does anybody have a black pen?"
The CEO says "I can go buy one."
The accountant replies "Yeah, but then we won't need it anymore."
My time machine landed right in the middle of h**...'s living room
I thought to myself, now's my chance to make the world a better place
"Please sir," I pleaded, "Don't gas the Jews."
"Gas the Jews?" h**... replied, "Hmm, I hadn't thought of that."
Three men go to a ski resort...
there aren't enough rooms left so they all share one room which only has one bed. In the morning the three men wake up, the one on the left says "I just had the most amazing dream" The man on the right replies "Really what happened?" "Well I just had the best dream h**..." "No way! I just had the same dream." To which the man in the middle responds "Hmm that's weird, I had a dream about skiing."
A Polish woman is visiting her friend
A Polish woman is visiting her friend. They are sitting talking at the kitchen table when her friend looks out the window and sees her husband carrying a bouquet of flowers. She turns to her Polish friend and says "great, now I'm going to have my legs up in the air all night"
Her friend replies "hmm usually I just use a vase"
Asking someone's favorite month (Bar joke)
A man walks into a bar and asks the guys beside him
Hmm do you have a favorite month?
The guy replied
Yes July
The man then asks
Why July?
The guy replies again
No no no July is actually my favorite month I didn't lie
I went for a job interview
And at the end they asked me, So, last question: what would you say is your worst quality?
Worst quality? , I replied, well I've been told that I often jump to conclusions...
Hmm, ok. Well, thanks very much for coming in, we'll be in touch
No problem! See you Monday!
A Washington h**... gets a tattoo of Mike Pence on one inner thigh and one of Bill Barr on the other ...
Then when she gets a customer, she says, "If you can name both of them, I'll give you one for free."
Customer replies, "Hmm, I don't know about those two, but the one in the middle is Mitch McConnell."
Two older couple…
Two older couple in their 80's rented a room at a fancy hotel on the 59th floor. They got into an argument and the woman threaten to jump out the window. The old guy call down to the front office and asked to speak with the manager. He said " look hmm me and my wife just got into a big fight and now she's threatening to jump out the window." The manager replied "I am so sorry to hear that, but normally we don't get involve in domestic situations." The old man replied "look a**... I don't need your help ok I just want you to send the maintenance guy up here to open the d**... window already."
A Job Interview... "What is your biggest weakness? What is your biggest strength?"
In my job interview, the interviewer told me I had done very well, and he had two final questions for me...
1) what is your biggest weakness?
2)what is your biggest strength?
I said "Well my biggest weakness is that i have trouble discerning between real life and fantasy"
The interview said "okay then, and what is your biggest strength then?"
I replied " Hmm, either that I can fly, or that I can turn invisible."
A crying man walks slowly along the frontier.
He finds a deep hole with a bucket beside it, and lowers the bucket in to pull out some water. While he's having a drink, a quivering voice comes from the hole.
"What's the matter friend?"
The man, surprised, wipes his eyes and replies, "My brother Harvey and I moved out here to find an unique piece of land to call our own, but all the land out here's so common. Anything unusual has already been claimed. Then on top of that, Harvey fell off a cliff this morning and died, and I think it was my fault."
"Hmm," the voice replied, "Harvey says it was just an accident and not to worry about it."
The man, amazed at the fact that the hole is communicating with his dead brother, feels his mood get better immediately.
"Why are you smiling?" the quivering voice asks.
The man thinks a minute then says, "I dunno. I came out here looking for a rare stake, but it turns out I'm pretty happy with one medium well."
A man dies and goes to heaven but he sees there are a lot of clocks displayed at the Pearly Gates.
The man is stricken with curiosity and asks Saint Peter.
"Hey, what are those clocks for?" he asks.
"Oh, those are the clocks of lies," Saint Peter replies. "Every time one tells a lie, their clock moves one minute from 12 o'clock. Look, there's Honest Abe's," points Saint Peter at a clock set at 12:02. "Here are those of our saints," Saint Peter points to another bunch of clocks, some at 12:05, 12:03, times which are barely away from 12 o'clock.
"Hmm...where are the politicians' clocks?" the man asks Saint Peter again.
"Oh they're in our offices. We use them as electric fans."
A man in a small town goes to confessional...
and tells the local priest, "Father, forgive me, for I have slept with a loose woman."
The priest thinks for a moment and says, "Well, son, was it Mary?"
"No Father."
"Hmm," the priest continues, "was it Fiona?"
"No, no father," the man replies.
"And was it Anne?"
"No, father."
After a pause, the priest says, "Give me one our fathers and two hail marys, and all will be forgiven."
The man exits the confessional and slides in next to his friend on a pew.
"So," the friend asks, "what'd the father give you?"
"Well, I got one our fathers, two hail marys, and three good leads."
**source**: Prairie Home Companion
So a novice monk is copying texts...
So a novice monk is copying texts in a monastery. As he diligently works, get get's to thinking, "Hmm, if I just copy my master's work, and he just copied his master's work, and his master just copied them from his master, and so on, then what if there was a mistake? Wouldn't the mistake just be propagated with each new apprentice?" Finally, this thought gets to be too much, so he goes to the Abbot of the monastery. After tell the Abbot what he thinks, the Abbot says, "Wow, that's quite a weight on your mind. Let me go check the archives so I can prove that there is no mistake." The monk doesn't see the abbot again for several hours, but when he does, the Abbot rushes up and shouts, "Ahhh! We've made a horrible mistake!" "What is it?!" replied the monk. "There is a word changed," said the Abbot, "it's supposed to say 'celebrate!'"
Two elderly couples are chatting over tea.
Afterwards, as the women excuse themselves and return the dishes to the kitchen, one of the men turns to the other and tells him about a fantastic dinner he and his wife had enjoyed the other evening.
The second man then asks him where they ate.
"Hmm," ponders the first man. "You know that flower... the one with the red petals and the sharp thorns?"
"You must be thinking of a rose," the second man replies.
"Ah yes now I remember. HEY! ROSE! WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT!?"
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic.
The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!”
The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?”
The little boy says, “if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.”
The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!”
The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, another is biting it and the third one is s**... it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?”
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one s**... her cone.”
To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"