The Best 78 Hiv Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Hiv jokes. There are some hiv diseases jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these hiv syphilis puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Hiv Jokes and Puns

What do you do if your girlfriend tells you she's HIV Positive?

Try to act surprised

What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive

Trying to act surprised.

One in every 2 and a half men is HIV positive.

Hiv joke, One in every 2 and a half men is HIV positive.

I got a call from my ex crying and telling me she was HIV+

The hardest part is always having to act surprised.

Never give a Roman a high five.

Or he'll give you a HIV.

The bubonic plague, the flu, and HIV walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What is this? Some kind of sick joke?".

What's the most positive thing about Africa?


Hiv joke, What's the most positive thing about Africa?

Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

What do you call a sugar daddy with HIV?

Financial AIDS

I asked my Roman friend for a high five

Got HIV instead

What's the hardest part about an ex saying they're HIV positive?

Trying to act surprised

You can explore hiv chlamydia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hiv herpes dad jokes. There are also hiv puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases

One kid wrote:

2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.

What's the worst advice to give someone with HIV?

Stay positive

Did you hear about the guy who's surrounded by positive people at his workplace?

Yeah, he really hates his work at the HIV clinic.

How was the first ever HIV patient treated.

With a first aids kit.

A man feels sick, so he goes to his doctor...

...and has some tests run. He is told to come back a few days later. A few days pass and he returns. When the male doctor invites him into the back room, the man says, "Give it to me straight, doctor." The doctor replies, "Why, that would be impossible, we're both men!" The man cracks a smile. The doctor then states, "Besides, I don't want to catch HIV."

Hiv joke, A man feels sick, so he goes to his doctor...

Why did ancient Romans not exchange high fives?

They didn't want to spread HIV.

Interviewer asked me to name my most positive quality

Turns out HIV won't get you a job

News from the sexual health clinic

A friend of mine received news from the sexual health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V

I wish I had HIV

So I would at least have one positive thing in my life

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

HIV is roman numerals for high five

Pass it on

What is the most positive thing in a ghetto?


My goal in life is always turn the negative into the positive...

which is why I lost my job at the HIV clinic

What should I do if an ex girlfriend calls me and tells me she's HIV positive?

The trick is, always act surprised.

My friend said he was worried he had HIV.

I said think about the positives.

Its pride month guys !! Let's all say something positive.

I'll start..... : HIV

After sex, girl starts singing ABCDEFG

I just gave you HIV.

If I have HIV I hope I find out from a Doctor, like Charlie Sheen did

And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did.

I went to an HIV counseling meeting...

... They are a very positive group.

What's the only positive about living in the hood?


I was shocked when the doctor said i had HIV in my ears.

Turns out i just need hearing aids.

My doctor told me that I have syphillis, gonnorhea and chlamydia. On the positive side...


How did David Copperfield get HIV?

From doing Magic.

What's the most positive thing in Harlem?


My friend was worried about the results of his HIV test, so I told him to assume he was going to die.

I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative.

A man goes to recieve tests results from the doctor

A worried man goes to recieve tests results from the doctor. Stepping into the office, he says "Give it to me straight doc! Just do it!"

The doctor replies, "No, I'm not gay."

They both burst into laughter. "Besides", the doctor says, "I don't want HIV"

TIL HIV can cause hearing loss.

I guess the patients must have hearing aids.

The doctor told me to stay positive

I have HIV

My friend told he's been diagnosed with HIV, and has to go for a retest to confirm the results.

I told him to stay positive.

My dad told told me he has HIV. I asked, "Are you sure?"

He said, "No, I'm dad."

My friend told me they got a high five from Magic Johnson.

"It's pronounced HIV," I said.

My friend just told me he has HIV

I told him to stay positive

Two guys sit at a bar...

One says to the other "I've got really bad news."

"What is it?", the friend replies.

"I'm HIV positive".

"Really?!, that's terrible. Is there anything I can do?".

"Yea, can you tell your wife as soon as you get home".

Sometimes you need to look for the small positives in life.

Like a midget with HIV.

You know, I always thought that show Deadliest Catch was about HIV...

But here it turns out to be about Crabs

What's the most important thing to do when your ex tells you they are HIV positive?

Act surprised.

Charlie Sheen Says He Has HIV...

Finally a positive in his life.

My last date just told me she tested HIV positive

It's always so hard to act surprised.

What's the difficulty when your ex calls to tell you she got tested positive for HIV?

To seem to be surprised

Fun fact: Did you know that HIV is Roman for 'high five'?

Pass it on - or, rather, don't.

It has been discovered that you can get HIV from a toilet seat

If you sit down before the other gets up

A paper bag walks into the doctors because he's feeling a little down

Has some tests and come back a week later.

Doctor says, "I'm sorry son, but you're HIV positive"

The bag is in disbelief "How can this happen, I'm a paper bag?"

"Have you ever had unprotected sex?"

"We'll no, I'm a paper bag"

"What about sharing needles"

"No doc, I can't even do drugs, I'm a paper bag"

" Well there's only 1 other explanation, your mum must have been a carrier"

Have you heard of the club for people living with HIV?

I hear it's a really positive environment.

What does HIV actually mean?

Roman numerals for a high-five, of course.

The news about Charlie Sheen having HIV is the only positive thing I have been reading in my Facebook timeline all week.

No pun intended.

What do you call Jews with HIV?

Financial AIDS.

Good news: New HIV Infection Rates Falling Dramatically in Africa.

Bad news: Because everyone is positive now.

A friend just asked me for some advice...

He said I just had an ex call me and tell me she was HIV positive, what should I do?

I said The trick is, to always act surprised...

I told my doctor i was scared and nervous when i got tested for HIV...

He said 'Just calm down and try to think positive.'

Doctor: I have some bad and good news. First the negativeβ€”You have syphillis, chlamydia, and Hepatitis.

But on the positive side, HIV.

What positive quality about someone also tells you something negative about them?

Their HIV test

What did the hiv infested group of singers give to the groupie?

Band Aids

What's the difference between a black man and HIV?

HIV stays with the kids once they're born.

TIFU getting ready for my HIV test.

I spent hours "cramming" the night before the test.

Why do electrons never take HIV tests?

They know their negative.

College is really tough and I'm failing nearly everything.

So far the only test I've gotten a positive score on is the HIV one. I figured the professor who gave me the D would at least give me an A not a D+

Every time I go to get an HIV test, I'm convinced it's going to come back positive

And every time, I'm right.

I got aids in prison..

Hearing aids. I should've used them though, I might've been able to hear the guy that snuck up on me in the shower and gave me HIV.

I was almost beaten up to death when I told a guy 'Hope you get a positive result'

I am never going to the HIV test lab again.

What do you do if your girlfriend tells you she is HIV positive?

Tell her this is a crappy repost, and ask her to come up with some better material.

Who's better? HIV or a Black Dad?

HIV: It stays with the child after birth.

Credits: Irwincardozo Comics

How do you deal with an intern who's depressed because he just pricked his finger with a HIV contaminated needle?

You'll give him the PEP talk.

What do you get when someone with HIV ear-fucks you?

Hearing AIDS.

I think we all need something positive after the recent election

Which is why I'm sharing my HIV status with all of you.

I only have one positive trait...


I'm starting a nightclub to cater to people infected with AIDS

It's called "Hi Five" in Roman Numerals (HIV)

My friend was getting an HIV test and he was worried, so I just gave him some advice.

Stay Positive.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hiv symptom jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working hiv std piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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