Hitting Jokes
183 hitting jokes and hilarious hitting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hitting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? This article has got it all! Discover the different types of "hitting jokes," from the hilarious and lighthearted, such as "hitting harder than" or "hitting on someone," to the more risqué, like "hitting it raw," or "hitting on your wife." Plus, you'll find some great baseball and bloop jokes, as well as jokes about hitchhikers and pedestrians. Get ready to hit it out of the park with these hilarious jokes!
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Funniest Hitting Short Jokes
Short hitting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hitting humour may include short hitter jokes also.
- I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
- Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
- My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
- I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed. It's called gluten tag.
- Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - I keep getting hit by the same bike, at the same time and place, day after day... It's a vicious cycle.
- My wife says if I don't stop making puns about Russia, she's going to hit me. If that's the way it's going to be, then Soviet.
- My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now! - Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.
I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.
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Hitting One Liners
Which hitting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hitting? I can suggest the ones about slapping and pounding.
- Yo mama so fat. . . I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.
- What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus? An ambulance you racist.
- The US has placed 18th for math… It sounds bad, I'm just glad we hit top ten.
- I bought Prince's greatest hits the other day for £20. But I partied like it was £19.99
- Every single morning I get hit by the same bike It's a vicious cycle.
- Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday? They hit a midlife crisis
- I got hit on the head with a can of soda yesterday. Lucky it was a soft drink
- Him: "I drive like lightning" Her: "So you drive fast?" Him: "No, I hit trees."
- Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
- What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie? That's a Moray.
- Why do we hit things when they don't work? Because it worked with slavery
- I used to think women were objects. But then it hit me.
- My 5yo hit me with this: what do you call an elephant who refuses to bath? A Smellephant!
- Why was Kevin Spacey so good at Blackjack? He knew to hit on everything under 17
- What's the difference between Chris Rock and Will Smith? Chris Rock can take a hit
Baseball Hitting Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball hitting jokes and even better baseball hitting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Never Hit A Guy With Glasses Hit him with a baseball bat.
- Did you know that bats aren't actually blind? That's why they are so good at hitting baseballs
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger Then it hit me
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
- Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball was getting bigger... then it hit me!
- I couldn't remember what I was doing in baseball. And that's when it hit me
- I was just casually strolling down the street... and suddenly when I looked up, I saw a baseball getting bigger and bigger, and I was wondering why that was.
Then it hit me. - I was at a baseball game wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- What do a baseball and a Mexican have in common? The harder you hit it the more English you get
Hitting Deer Jokes
Here is a list of funny hitting deer jokes and even better hitting deer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My insurance agent asked if I had ever hit a deer. I told him that I had but in my defense he swung first.
- So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, They're deer tracks , No They're Bear Tracks
Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train - Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade. You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.
- Difference between a corrupt government getting hit by a car and a deer being hit by a car? There where skid marks leading up to the deer...
- What did homer say when he hit a female deer? DOE!
- -Santa's sleigh was hit by a car. Several deers died. What is left? -The remaindeer
- Two blondes came across some tracks in the woods - and they argued with each other about whether or not it was bear or deer tracks... Until they both got hit by a train.
- I hit a deer the other day. My fist still hurts.
- My uncle hit a deer with his car He would anything for a buck
- I've hit may deer... ...dear friends with my car.
Hitting Iceberg Jokes
Here is a list of funny hitting iceberg jokes and even better hitting iceberg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the captain if the Titanic do when he found out the ship hit an iceberg? He let it sink in.
- When Titanic came out, I went to the premiere wearing a iceberg costume Needless to say, it was a smash hit.
- I watched the Titanic twice I was convinced they weren't dumb enough to hit the iceberg again
- Crew (Titanic) : We've been hit by an iceberg. The damages are irrecoverable. We've got no chance, sir. Captain Smith : Wait, let that sink in...
- Two chili peppers were sailing a boat in the ocean. What did one say to the other when they hit a iceberg and started to sink? We're capsaicin!
- A ship carrying a cargo of yo-yos hit an iceberg It sank 47 times.
- What did the ship say to the s**... ice-berg? I'd hit that.
- What did the Titanic say about the s**... iceberg? I'd hit that
- What did the titanic say when it saw a s**... iceberg? I'd hit it
- What did the Islandic flat earther say to the Australian antivaxxer? Sorry I can't make your kid's f**..., I have hit som kind of iceberg.
Finger Hitting Jokes
Here is a list of funny finger hitting jokes and even better finger hitting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone hit someone with a knife between his fingers. I guess you could say he...Spiked his punch. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞
- I kept hitting my fingers while trying to nail a sign to my wall... So I said, "Screw it!"
- I got hit in the nose by a baseball yesterday Except for the broken finger I'm okay
Hitting Harder Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny hitting harder than jokes and even better hitting harder than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who hits Houston harder? Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.
~Probably too soon. - If we're going to do racist jokes How's a Mexican like a cue ball?
The harder you hit it the more English it picks up! - What do a cab driver and a cue ball have in common? The harder you hit them
...the more english you get out. - The Khabib McGregor fight was certainly interesting, but you know who hits harder? Chris Brown
- Recently I keep getting hit on at work. Turns out professional boxing is a lot harder than it looks.
- Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Entertaining Hitting Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about hitting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kicking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hitting pranks.
During s**... im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...
I come fast and dont p**... very far! ... ayyyyy!
A group of friends went golfing one day...
-and after the round one of the men was very distraught after hitting a 107.
-He was so angry that he didn't even want to go to the bar afterwards to have a drink with his friends.
-So he decided to just drive home and take a load off.
-When he walked in the door his wife asked him how his round of golf went.
-He then punched her right in the face and said "I'm hitting everything fat today."
I love hitting F5...
It's so refreshing
Hitting the snooze button...
... Is just starting your day off with a nap.
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
A Man With Sticks in the Middle of Town.
A man is hitting two sticks together in the middle of a small town in suburban America.
Another man walks up and asks, "why are you hitting those sticks together?"
The first man replies, "I'm keeping the elephants away."
Confused, the other man says, "but there are no elephants around here!"
The man with the sticks calmly replies, "You're welcome."
Hitting on women is like doing Parkour..
I can't do Parkour.
How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto?
It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.
Mom says to Dad:
"I've found a b**... magazine under our son's bed. What are we supposed to do about it?"
Dad replies: "I don't know honey, but I think, hitting him would be very wrong."
Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie?
Because it keeps hitting pause.
Two men are hiking in the woods.
Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"
I saw my calculator hitting on someone the other day.
He's a real casionova
I spent a long time hitting on a lesbian girl...
...until she said: "Okay, I'm gonna be straight with you."
A German man was hitting on my sister-in-law...
I told her "He wants to put his wiener in your schnitzel."
She replied "Not happening, I guess he'll be stroganoff."
A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together
A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"
Girl's are like blackjack
I'm always hoping for 21 but I keep hitting on 14.
I saw a bunch of youths hitting an old lady.
I stopped my car, wound down my window and yelled, "Excuse me, that's my mother-in-law."
"And what?" they replied.
"And she's still moving."
If an Iron Man movie was made with Magneto as the villain, what would its title be?
Stop hitting yourself.
I got my priest to stop hitting on me.
I introduced him to my little brother.
What did the toilet say when he was hitting on another toilet?
On a scale from one to ten, urinate.
If two Homeless people are hitting each other with a cardboard boxes...
Is it a pillow fight?
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
Whats the best part of having s**... with a transgender?
When you are hitting it from the back and go for the reach around, it feels like it went all the way through
two ladies were sitting in a bar...
the one on the left was lovely, kind and beautiful
the one on the right was very attractive, smart, and attentive
both of the women were hitting on me all nite which one did i take home?
the one on the right because lefty loosy righy tighty
So my bf and I walk into a bar. We notice this guy kept hitting on the female bartender by telling her corny jokes as she fake chuckles.
One joke involved him asking her why no one trusted atoms. (Because they make up everything). My bf retaliates with his own joke... 'What do female bartenders like most about their male Patrons?.... Just the tip' 😎
I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute Banker girl
The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."
the hardest part about hitting a child in public...
is avoiding getting caught by their parent's.
A man and his son were at the grocery store today...
They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,
Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!
Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?
The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,
Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."
I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!
My girlfriend took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.
While she screamed and stomped around the house, k**... and hitting whatever she came into contact with, her father walked over.
With a pitiful eye, he looked at me and said, "You should have worn a c**...."
I said, "I'm not the only one."
What are you looking at when you see two homeless dudes hitting each other with bits of cardboard?
A pillow fight.
These reports of a major snowstorm hitting the Northeast don't concern me.
It's all just flake news.
A wife comes home late one night
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Use culminate in a sentence
Guy hitting on girl.
Guy: Hi I'm Nathan, but you can culminate. Here's my number, if I don't pick up, you can just always culminator
So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ...
y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever.
I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the Like button.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
The US Navy is starting to worry about the North Korean military.
Since all the missles they launch at Washington end up hitting the ocean, the odds are they will eventually hit a ship.
Only been going to the gym a week
And already hitting the max weight on one of the machines.
Shame it's the scales
What's the difference between a golf ball and a Cadillac?
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 100 yards without hitting a tree.
My Psychologist told me my narcissism could cause me to misread social situations
but i'm pretty sure she was just hitting on me.
How I got out of an abusive marriage
I stopped hitting my wife
Sure is taking Google a long time to make a self driving car.
They're hitting one obstacle after another.
Stormtrooper helmets
I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.
A little boy swallows a nickel.
His mother panics and starts hitting him hard on the back. Suddenly he coughs up two dimes. She doesn't know what to do so she calls her husband.
"Junior swallowed a nickel, and when I patted him on the back he coughed up two dimes. What do I do?" she cried.
"Keep feeding him nickels!" the father said.
How did the pasta chef ruin his career?
He couldn't stop hitting the sauce.
What sounds like a pin hitting the floor, but louder?
A PIN HITTING THE FLOOR.
A lesbian woman is hitting on another woman in a bar.....
The other woman tells the lesbian "Im sorry but I straight."
The lesbian wispers into her ear, "So is spaghetti, until it gets hot and wet"
I always wanted to become the world's youngest Elvis impersonator. My childhood was nonstop guitar practice voice training and dance class. I went to countless auditions before ever hitting puberty My performance was flawless but every time but every audition ended the same way...
... they looked me right in my face & said sorry kid you don't have the Chops.
What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard?
A pillow fight.
A taxi driver was being interrogated after an accident.
Police Officer: So, how did you kill 59 people?
Taxi Driver: I was driving at 80km/h, when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding was taking place. I hit the brakes, but they failed.
Police Officer: And?
Taxi Driver: So, I had to make the choice of either hitting the two men, or the wedding party.
Police Officer: You hit the two men, of course!
Taxi Driver: Exactly! We think alike! Problem was, after hitting one of the men, the other escaped to the wedding party, so I went after him.
I'm not afraid of heights. I'm not even afraid of falling from heights.
I'm afraid hitting the ground after falling from heights.
TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.
Kept hitting on 17.
whenever my wife starts singing around the house I immediately go into the yard
That way the neighbors know I'm not hitting her
Mike Pence Walks Into a Bar
He walks up to a group of women and says, "Hey ladies, wanna get out of here?"
The girls look befuddled. One of them says "Excuse me Mr. Pence, as vice president and as a married man, isn't it inappropriate to hit on a group of women like this?"
To which Pence replied "I wasn't hitting on you. Either you go or I'm not allowed to stay."
All these Muslims hitting people with cars...
If the men are this bad at driving, I see why they don't let their women drive.
My friend got mad at me after I kept hitting him with a wooden board.
I told him, It's just a plank, bro.
It's just a plank.
A man was arrested after running a red light and hitting a Chinese food delivery car.
He is charged with careless driving and wonton destruction.
I heard the woman in the apartment next door having s**... last night
She was moaning and groaning and they were thumping against the wall.
Turns out her mother had fallen and broken her hip and was hitting the wall with her cane for help.
Now I feel sorta bad for m**... so many times.
I've been hitting on a lot of Russian women at my local bar lately, at least I think they are Russian...
They all say their name is Fuckov
I am a fried nut
A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all t**... and his ends frayed. So he walks back into the bar, and the bartender's like "HEY, ARE YOU THAT STRING FROM EARLIER?" And the string says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."
It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....
With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!
A psychiatrist starts working in a hospital
He is checking on the patients when he comes across a man locked in a private room and hitting himself with a shoe
"What's his case?" The psychiatrist asks
"He was in love with a girl for 10 years and then she married somone else" the nurse answers
They then walk up to another private room with a man hitting himself with 2 shoes
"What's his case?" The psychiatrist asks
"This is the man who married her"
A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.
Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can't see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the boxer asks why they stopped. His partner says: we stopped because you messed up the punch line.
Punching bag is hitting me back, Any advice?
Help, My punching bag is hitting me back.
My only option is to divorce it!
What's the pinnacle of rudeness?
Hitting a blind man in the face and saying: you didn't see that coming.
Two boys are camping in the woods when one of them collapses
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other boy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a brief silence when a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon is heard.
Back on the phone, the boy says, "OK, now what?
When you pay rent...
it's like hitting the snooze-bar on being homeless
I once upset a girl I knew who was into necrophilia she told me I should...
...kill myself. I don't know if she was threatening me or hitting on me.
I saw my neighbour hitting his plants with a long stick. I asked him why he was doing it but he wouldnt give me a straight answer,
He just kept beating around the bush.
I'm on a customer help live chat right now and the message tone sounds like someone hitting a tennis ball.
Now that's service.
I lost my watch at a party...
I saw some guy standing in it hitting a woman.
I went over and punched him, nobody does that on my watch!
I've been in a couple of threesomes.
Usually the other guy will be getting o**... and I'll be hitting it from behind. I've found that as long as I don't make eye contact with the guy on the other end, or the guy in the middle, it doesn't feel gay.
My girlfriend woke up and said I'm mad at you! I just had a dream that you were hitting on college girls!
I could tell she was really upset so I hugged her, then looked in her eyes and said Oh sweetheart you have nothing to worry about...I don't dig smart chicks
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.
He really seems to get a kick out of it.
Girls are like blackjack
I'm always shooting for 21 but end up hitting on 16
