Hitman Jokes

Funniest Hitman Short Jokes

Short hitman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hitman humour may include short gangster jokes also.

1. Did you hear about that time a hitman held a writer at gunpoint and forced him to write for Amy Schumer? The hitman warned him, Don't get any funny ideas!
2. It was hard to come to terms with the death of my wife. But eventually the hitman and I agreed on a fee.
3. Why did Angelina Jolie hire a hitman to kill her? Because her family wouldn't have handled the youth in Asia.
4. Have you heard the one about the single lady and the hitman? probably not, the punchline is a dead miss.
5. I don't get why people don't see being a hitman as a valid job, I mean, they make a killing off of it.
6. I got arrested for following my dream. The owner of that Ferrari thought I was a hitman shading him.
7. How is giving someone a love letter similar to being a hitman? You always say "The deed is done"
8. What do a programmer and a hitman have in common? "off by one" is a drastic failure
9. Being a hitman is very lucrative I make a living and a killing off of it
10. What did the robot hit-man say to his robot victim? "Nothing personal."

Share These Hitman Jokes With Friends

Hitman One Liners

Which hitman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hitman? I can suggest the ones about scope and assassin.

1. What did the hitman say to the calendar? Your days are numbered.
2. Why did the hitman have such a hard time getting married? No witnesses.
3. Did you hear about the half-assed hitman? He assinated his targets.
4. What do you call an amateur hitman? hitormissman
5. What's the best part of being a hitman salesman? Their target audience never complains.
6. My wife said she wanted to take me out. But she couldn't find a hitman
7. My ex always used to annoy me by saying I have terrible aim for a hitman. I miss her.
8. What did the long-suffering hitman say to his over-bearing wife? I missed you.
9. My friend recently started a career as a hitman... I hear he's making a killing.
10. What do you call a hitman that only shoots people under the thighs? An asashin.
11. Hear about the half-assed hitman? He assinated people.
12. Why did the hitman buy an inflatable mattress? His boss told him to lilo for a while.
13. What do you call an orange hitman? A blood orange
14. Order your hitman today! It's a killer price.
15. What is a Hitman's favorite Mathematical Field? *Trigger*nometry

Hitman Hired Jokes

Here is a list of funny hitman hired jokes and even better hitman hired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did the sports drink owner hire the Italian butcher turned hitman to do? Capicola

Howlingly Hilarious Hitman Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about hitman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean estimate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hitman pranks.