Hitman Hired Jokes
8 hitman hired jokes and hilarious hitman hired puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hitman hired that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comedy Hitman Hired Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What is a good hitman hired joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
So the church is losing money...
...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hired a hitman to clean up my sewing
He has been tying up all the loose ends.
Joe is hiring a hitman from a well respected mafioso to kill his business partner.
The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?"
The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy."
"Insurance policy?"
"Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no longer afford to."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Friend misses his girl all the time, it makes me mad
I tell him he should just hire a hitman.
Why did Angelina Jolie hire a hitman to kill her?
Because her family wouldn't have handled the youth in Asia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hitman is hired to kill a cow
A hitman was hired to m**... a cow in a field using only a porcelain figurine. This is the only known case of a knick knack patty whack.
What did the sports drink owner hire the Italian butcher turned hitman to do?
Capicola
There once was a florist
There once was a florist with a fairly successful flower stand on the side of the road.
One day, three friars set up a competing flower stand across the street. Since everyone wanted to buy their flowers from the men of god, the florist began losing all his business to the friars. He tried everything from flashy advertising to lowering his prices to offering exotic flower types, but nothing worked and soon his business had run completely dry.
So one night, the florist hires a hitman named Hugh. Hugh goes across the street, smashes the friars' flowers and pots and breaks up their stand - proving once and for all that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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