hitler Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hitler puns

Hitler commits suicide and appears in front of god

God:"You already know you're going to hell, but before that I'll give you one wish."

Hitler:"Alright, let me kill 10 million Jews and one Swedish man."

God:"Why the Swedish man?"

Hitler:"I knew you didn't give a fuck about the Jews."

👍🏼

Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...

because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems.

👍🏼

Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

👍🏼

At a Nazi mine, a worker calls out to Hitler:

"Sir, we are mining too many useless Ores"

[Hitler rubs his chin, contemplating]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi chimes in, from above]

"MINE FEWER"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

👍🏼

What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

👍🏼

What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

👍🏼

Have you heard of the sexual maneuver called the "Reverse Hitler"?

It's where you ejaculate inside of an anus. i.e. create 6 million lives in a gas chamber.

👍🏼

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

👍🏼

People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

👍🏼

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler.

👍🏼

My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

👍🏼

I should make a monument in my yard dedicated to the guy who killed Hitler.

👍🏼

"Sir we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "Mine less then."
*grammar nazi bursts in*

"Mine fewer"

*Hitler looks over* "Yes?"

👍🏼

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish

But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast

👍🏼

When a women removes polish with chemicals,no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit.

👍🏼

Hitler on mining

"Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"

[Hitler rubs chin]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]

"MINE FEWER!"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

👍🏼

Gosh, hell must be really awkward.

I mean there's Hitler, and all the Jews.

👍🏼

What could the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?

End a race.

👍🏼

How did Hitler keep his shoelaces from coming untied?

Little knotsies.

👍🏼

Hitler wasn't a very athletic man.

He never even finished a single race.

👍🏼

Grammar Nazi.

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
[Hitler rubs chin]
"So, mine less.
[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]
"MINE FEWER!"
[Hitler looks up]
"Yes, soldier?"

👍🏼

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945

👍🏼

Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.

Because they were Veteran Aryans.

👍🏼

What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft.

👍🏼

Worst joke I've ever heard

What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?

One of them actually ended a race.

👍🏼

You'll never be able to go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby.

You'd be way too short and weak.

👍🏼

An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a Hitler statue.

The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.

The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't kill the other half.

👍🏼

A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice

And yet when Hitler tried it, everyone threw a fit

👍🏼

Hitler dies and God calls him

After Hitler dies, God calls him in His office. When he gets there, God asks "if I gave you the possibility to live another life, what would you do?"

Hitler answers "I'd kill all the Jews and twelve Eskimos".

God promptly asks "Why the Eskimos?".

"See, not even you care about Jews!"

👍🏼

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin.

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin at a table. He asks them what they were doing and was told that they were planning WW3.
Hitler says, "We are going to kill 15 million jews, and a bicycle repairman."
The man, confused asks, "Why the bicycle repairman?"
Hitler turns to Stalin and tells him, "See? I told you no one would care about the 15 million Jews!"

👍🏼

How did Hitler like his orange juice?

Concentrated.

👍🏼

Anagram of "mother in law"

Woman Hitler

👍🏼

Why wasn't Hitler invited to the BBQ?

Because he always burns the franks.

👍🏼

What do Justin Bieber and Adolf Hitler have in common?

Neither of them are musicians.

👍🏼

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy

👍🏼

What are the best Hitler puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hitler? Well, here are the best Hitler dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Hitler pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes