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Hitchhiker Jokes

44 hitchhiker jokes and hilarious hitchhiker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hitchhiker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Hitchhiker Short Jokes

Short hitchhiker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hitchhiker humour may include short hitchhiking jokes also.

  1. Picked up a hitchhiker last night He said thanks! how do you know i'm not a serial killer though?
    I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical
  2. One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker? Stranded
  3. I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He said "you're brave, how do you know I'm not a serial killer?" I said "the chances of two serial killers being in the same car is astronomical"
  4. Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked me "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"
    I responded "Haha! What are the chances there'd be 2 serial killers in 1 car at the same time?"
  5. The hitchhiker A guy with 3 eyes, one leg, and no arms is hitchhiking. Suddenly a nice English gent pulls over and says "eye, eye, eye, you look 'armless, hop in."
  6. I was driving down the highway, and I saw a man hitchhiking with a sign that said Heaven . So I hit him.
  7. I used to hitchhike by the side of the road, but it never got me anywhere. So I started hitchhiking in the middle of the road. Which got me a free bed and some food for a while.
  8. Hitchhiker: Thanks for picking me up, but how do you know I'm not a serial killer? Driver: Well, what would be the odds of two serial killers in the same car?
  9. Picked up a hitch-hiker the other day…… the guy said to me I'm glad you stopped, but you do know i could be a serial killer
    I said, what's the chances of two serial killers in one car
  10. A hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and one leg was standing on the side of the road An Irish man pulls up and says " eye,eye eye you look armless, why don't you hop on in?"

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Hitchhiker One Liners

Which hitchhiker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hitchhiker? I can suggest the ones about traveler and taxi driver.

  1. What do you call a black hitchhiker? Stranded.
  2. What do you tell a hitchhiker with one leg? Hop in
  3. I saw a hitchhiker holding a sign that read "HEAVEN"... ...So I ran him over.
  4. What's the difference between a deer and a hitchhiker? i don't know I was going so fast
  5. A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy He wandered aboot for three weeks.
  6. I've never picked up a hitchhiker but not for lack of trying.
  7. How do you feel about hitchhiking? It gets a thumbs up from me.
  8. I travel widely. It's better than saying I'm a fat hitchhiker.
  9. I saw a hitchhiker with a sign that said heaven So I hit him.
  10. I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them.

Hitchhiker Guide Jokes

Here is a list of funny hitchhiker guide jokes and even better hitchhiker guide puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.
  • Why did the crew from the Hitchhiker's Guide have such a hard time getting around? Because there was a dent in the ship
Hitchhiker joke, Why did the crew from the Hitchhiker's Guide have such a hard time getting around?

Uproarious Hitchhiker Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about hitchhiker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean passerby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hitchhiker pranks.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. Thanks but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?

I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

Picked up a hitch-hiker.

Seemed like a nice guy.
After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?
I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

Five minutes after I'd picked him up the hitchhiker turned to me and asked whether I was at all nervous that he could be a m**....

"Not at all", I replied. "What are the odds of both of us being killers?"

Hitchhiking

*Ted stopped on the side of the road after seeing a hitchhiker.*
* **Hitchhiker:** Hello there. Is the city far?
* **Ted:** No.
* **Hitchhiker:** May I get in your car?
* **Ted:** Yes.
*After a couple of hours of driving in silence...*
* **Hitchhiker:** Is the city far?
* **Ted:** Yes, now it is.

A hitchhiker was travelling through Scotland.

The young man was picked up at the side of the road, the driver noticed he was wearing a hat made out of fox pelt.
Where you heading mate?
auchtermuchty
Hop in. By the way what's with the hat?
Well when I told my uncle where I was going he said where the focks 'at?

I picked up a hitchhiker last night.

He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger and asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"
I told him the chances of two serial killers being in one car would be astronomically low

An elderly man walks into a confessional...

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s**... with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old. I'm telling everybody .

An old man walks into a confessional...

An old man walks into a confessional and says, " I'm 82 years old, have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up 2 teenage girls hitchhiking, took them to a hotel, and made love to each of them 3 times.
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Then why are you telling me this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody!"

A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over

One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"

A man is hitchhiking on a lonely road.

After a good while an old beat up truck stops and picks him up and after a couple of minutes of small talk the driver ask the man if he wants some booze. Sure he says and gets handed a bottle. When he tries to drink it the smell of bad moonshine overwhelms him and he declined the drink. The old man driving just steps on the breaks and pulls a shotgun and screams " now you drink or I blow your head of" the guy does what he's told and takes a sterdy sip. After the old man goes: "Good, now you aim at me so I can have drink too"

A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.

He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started s**... his inner thigh.
Just like that, the man turned into a hotel.

I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if itbhad something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.

So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.

So a r**... picks up a hitchhiking serial killer

Killer: "Turn down that dark road."
r**...: "I was planning on it..."
Edit - Thank you magnificent stranger for gold!

So I picked up a hitchhiker the other day...

After he got in he turned to me and jokingly said "Thanks, by the way how do you know I'm not a serial killer or something". I replied, "C'mon, the chances of /two/ serial killers being in the same car are astronomical".

A person with three eyes, no arms and one leg is hitchhiking.

A British guy pulls over and says, "Aye! Aye! Aye! You look 'armless. Hop in."

A couple passed a one-legged hitch-hiker on the highway.

A couple passed a one-legged hitch-hiker on the highway.
The wife suggested they should give him a ride.
Her husband said, "Nope, I tried to give him a ride just the other day. He just screamed and cursed at me."
"I wonder why," she said.
"Don't know," he answered," All I said to him was 'hop in.'"

Two old friends meet on the street one day who haven't seen each other in years...

Tony! Is that you?
Hal! You look terrific! What's your secret?
I hit a hitchhiker late at night three years ago when I was drunk and fled the scene, leaving him for dead.
Um... I meant for looking so young.

A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking

Two truckers stop and pick him up.
They're driving along and the trucker driving farts. It's completely silent. Then the trucker sitting next to him farts, and it makes no sound at all. The hitchhiker farts, and it's loud enough to shake the whole cab.
Both the truckers turn and yell "v**...!"

Hitchhiker joke, I saw a hitchhiker holding a sign that read "HEAVEN"...

jokes about hitchhiker