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Historical Jokes

50 historical jokes and hilarious historical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about historical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article talks about some of the best bad historical jokes and pranks. From April Fool's Day jests to historic diplomats creating harmony, read on to discover the lighter side of history. Get ready to have a chuckle with these amusing historical tales.

Best Short Historical Jokes

Short historical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The historical humour may include short prehistoric jokes also.

  1. If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose? "Gandhi."
    Why him?
    "More food for me."
  2. No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first canadian president, or the last president.
  3. My mate just watched the Chernobyl documentary and, having grown up in Ukraine in the 1980s, he was pretty mad. And I get it, too. He counted at least eight historical inaccuracies on one hand.
  4. If a man's signature is called a "John Hancock" what do you call a woman's? Historically insignificant.
    Full disclosure: Heard on the radio this morning on my way to work.
  5. Funny unknown historical fact: Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slide in the after life.
  6. Chernobyl inaccuracies (Spoiler) My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
  7. Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming... It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.
  8. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to the historical costume party? "I'll be Bach"
  9. "Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters
  10. My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl He actually grew up in Ukraine during the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.

Quick Jump To


Historical joke, My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about historical can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of historical puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Historical One Liners

Which historical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with historical? I can suggest the ones about history and ancient.

  1. The Bayeux Tapestry is not historically accurate The whole story has been embroidered.
  2. Which historical invention was the most revolutionary? The wheel :)
  3. Which historical period has the tidiest shirts? The Iron Age
  4. I just ate an entire book about a historical figure. Now I feel Luthergic.
  5. A truly historic day. Thousands of women at a mall.. and no shoe sale.
  6. Question in a Soviet radio. "What is your favorite historic figure and why Lenin?"
  7. Who is Samuel L Jackson's favorite historical figure? Oedipus
  8. I'm a historical Pirate I'm always considering my legasea.
  9. What is a Skyrim Guard's favorite historical battle? Wounded Knee
  10. The problem with quotes is that they mostly aren't historically accurate - Isaac Newton
  11. Legendary actor Morgan Freeman dead -on when it comes to narrating historical dramas.
  12. My wife wants to take our kids for an historical holiday... ...To America!
  13. Historic quotes "Man this stuff is hot"
    - First guy caught on fire
  14. Most pre-historic vegetables have been lost to time... But the beet goes on.
  15. Why did the historic letter cross the street? To get to the nerdy dad.

Historical joke, Why did the historic letter cross the street?

Humorous Historical Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about historical you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean cultural jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make historical prank.

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting p**....

Karl Marx is a historically famous figure…

But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter p**....

A Michael Sam joke

After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

Queen Elizabeth arrives to Heaven ...

St Peter lets her in and gives her a tour around the heavenly garden.
-Here are all your family members, previous pets and people of historical significance during your reign.
Liz looks around this multitude of people who wave at her, smiling. Suddenly she stops and calls St.Peter aside.
-What the F***?, Diana has a bigger halo than me!! I reigned for decades, saw my country trough wars and depressions and wars again, gave god, freedom and peace to nations all around the world, surely I deserve a bigger halo than her!!
-Your Majesty, that is a steering wheel...

I have a friend that lives just outside Chernobyl

After watching the TV Show he told me that he managed to count 14 historical inacuracies within the first 20 minutes... ...then he ran out of fingers.

The Washington r**... finally decided to change their name to get rid of the association with historical racism

They'll now be known as the Arlington r**....

quick historical Russian joke from early 90's

Quick context - Soviet Union just collapsed and Moscow streets are full of desperate people trying to some money to survive. A dialogue between street meat vendor (V), and a potential customer (C):
***
C: Was this meat barking or meowing?
V: It was asking s**... questions.

Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...

Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.
She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People dancing. They are wearing historic Ukrainian peasant outfits. There are floats and bands. You die on a Ukrainian holiday.
"Yes, but when" Putin says. "Which holiday?"
She says (of course) "Any day you die will be a Ukrainian national holiday."

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

Never ask a woman her weight, never ask a man his salary

And never ask UK's museum's owners how in the h**... they have so many historical artefacts

Get set.....

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting p**......

Karl Marx is historically famous, but no one ever mentions his sister Onya and her contribution.

She invented the starting p**....

There is no ghost

While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
And how long have you worked here? asked the woman.
Three hundred years.

Karl Marx

Karl Marx ia a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister and brother: Onya, the inventor of the starting p**..., and Skid, who was generally unpopular.

What is the Roman Empire?

In the heart of the bustling Roman Empire, there was a philosopher known for his wisdom, humor, and the ability to make light of the most complex issues. One day, a curious citizen confronted him, asking "What exactly is the Roman Empire?"
The philosopher paused for a moment before saying, "Imagine a man trying to wrestle a lion. The man is strong and well-prepared, but he is, after all, merely a man. The lion is wild, ferocious, and barely within his control. Yet, the man does not back down; he dives headfirst into the tangle, figuring out how to tackle it as he goes along. That, my friend, is the Roman Empire."
The citizen blinked and asked, "So, we're the man in this scenario, right? Struggling against the fierce lion that is the vast world?"
"No, not exactly," chuckled the philosopher. "You see, the man is the Roman Empire, always seeking to overcome, control, and rule, even when the odds seem overwhelming. The lion, rather, represents the infinite sea of cultures, lands, and people that the Empire constantly tangles with."
"But what if the lion eventually wins?" queried the citizen, now intrigued.
"Well," the philosopher answered with a mischievous glint in his eye, "Then the joke's on us, isn't it?"
The gathered crowd erupted into laughter, appreciating the wit and wisdom tied into the punchline. After all, understanding the Roman Empire didn't just involve historical facts and figures; sometimes, it was just about appreciating the irony!

Trump's presidency is historic...

He's the first president to ever be more concerned about personal insecurity than he is about national security.

Why did the Queen join the Navy after making herself breakfast in bed?

Because she was impressed by Her Service.

Just recently, a multi-year project to renovate and restore London's historic landmark Big Ben was completed.

They had men working around the clock.

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher,

however no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting p**......

Who won the first Tour De France?

The 6th Panzer division.
Of course the joke isn't historically accurate. It's a joke, not a fact.

Karl Marx is a historical figure but nobody mentions his sister Onya, who invented the starting p**...

Not mine

A French man and a German sit at a bar

The French man says to the German, In France, we have fun by going to the park, eating bread with cheese, and mocking tourists. What is it that you Germans do for fun? The German replied, In Germany we ride the autobahn, visit historical sites, and learn about the world. Pah! , the French man says, you Germans do not know what fun is. The German replied, The last time we had fun, the Americans had to save you.

Historical joke, A French man and a German sit at a bar

jokes about historical

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these historical jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.