Historic Jokes
38 historic jokes and hilarious historic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about historic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article will explore how historic preservation has crossed paths with humor throughout history. We'll look at some hilarious fart jokes from the past and how one city was renamed after a comedic tale. Get ready to laugh!
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Funniest Historic Short Jokes
Short historic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The historic humour may include short history jokes also.
- If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose? "Gandhi."
Why him?
"More food for me." - No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first canadian president, or the last president.
- My mate just watched the Chernobyl documentary and, having grown up in Ukraine in the 1980s, he was pretty mad. And I get it, too. He counted at least eight historical inaccuracies on one hand.
- If a man's signature is called a "John Hancock" what do you call a woman's? Historically insignificant.
Full disclosure: Heard on the radio this morning on my way to work. - Funny unknown historical fact: Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slide in the after life.
- Chernobyl inaccuracies (Spoiler) My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
- Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming... It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to the historical costume party? "I'll be Bach"
- "Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters
- My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl He actually grew up in Ukraine during the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
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Historic One Liners
Which historic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with historic? I can suggest the ones about classic and past.
- The Bayeux Tapestry is not historically accurate The whole story has been embroidered.
- Which historical invention was the most revolutionary? The wheel :)
- Which historical period has the tidiest shirts? The Iron Age
- I just ate an entire book about a historical figure. Now I feel Luthergic.
- A truly historic day. Thousands of women at a mall.. and no shoe sale.
- Question in a Soviet radio. "What is your favorite historic figure and why Lenin?"
- Who is Samuel L Jackson's favorite historical figure? Oedipus
- I'm a historical Pirate I'm always considering my legasea.
- What is a Skyrim Guard's favorite historical battle? Wounded Knee
- The problem with quotes is that they mostly aren't historically accurate - Isaac Newton
- Legendary actor Morgan Freeman dead -on when it comes to narrating historical dramas.
- My wife wants to take our kids for an historical holiday... ...To America!
- Historic quotes "Man this stuff is hot"
- First guy caught on fire - Most pre-historic vegetables have been lost to time... But the beet goes on.
- Why did the historic letter cross the street? To get to the nerdy dad.
Comical & Quirky Historic Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about historic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean history class jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make historic pranks.
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting p**....
Karl Marx is a historically famous figure…
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter p**....
A Michael Sam joke
After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien
Queen Elizabeth arrives to Heaven ...
St Peter lets her in and gives her a tour around the heavenly garden.
-Here are all your family members, previous pets and people of historical significance during your reign.
Liz looks around this multitude of people who wave at her, smiling. Suddenly she stops and calls St.Peter aside.
-What the F***?, Diana has a bigger halo than me!! I reigned for decades, saw my country trough wars and depressions and wars again, gave god, freedom and peace to nations all around the world, surely I deserve a bigger halo than her!!
-Your Majesty, that is a steering wheel...
I have a friend that lives just outside Chernobyl
After watching the TV Show he told me that he managed to count 14 historical inacuracies within the first 20 minutes... ...then he ran out of fingers.
The Washington r**... finally decided to change their name to get rid of the association with historical racism
They'll now be known as the Arlington r**....
quick historical Russian joke from early 90's
Quick context - Soviet Union just collapsed and Moscow streets are full of desperate people trying to some money to survive. A dialogue between street meat vendor (V), and a potential customer (C):
***
C: Was this meat barking or meowing?
V: It was asking s**... questions.
Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...
Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.
She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People dancing. They are wearing historic Ukrainian peasant outfits. There are floats and bands. You die on a Ukrainian holiday.
"Yes, but when" Putin says. "Which holiday?"
She says (of course) "Any day you die will be a Ukrainian national holiday."
After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.
So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.
Never ask a woman her weight, never ask a man his salary
And never ask UK's museum's owners how in the h**... they have so many historical artefacts
Get set.....
Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting p**......
Karl Marx is historically famous, but no one ever mentions his sister Onya and her contribution.
She invented the starting p**....
There is no ghost
While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
And how long have you worked here? asked the woman.
Three hundred years.
Karl Marx
Karl Marx ia a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister and brother: Onya, the inventor of the starting p**..., and Skid, who was generally unpopular.
