hillary Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hillary puns

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

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Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane...

Bush says, "I could throw this 100$ bill out the window and make someone happy". Trump, with a smug look on his face replies and says, "I could throw ten 10$ bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Hillary smirks and says "oh yeah, I could throw one hundred 1$ bills out the window and make 100 people happy". Then the pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could throw all 3 of these fucking idiots out the window and make millions of people happy".

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What did Hillary tell Trump after the results came in?

"Thank you. I haven't been fucked like this since 1998"

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Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.

I did and we do.

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Your parents in 1996: "Don't trust ANYBODY on the internet!"

Your parents today: "Freedom Eagle dot facebook says Hillary invented AIDS."

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Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

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What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?

Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.

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So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

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There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton

Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.

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If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.

I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.

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If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one...

What type of sandwich would you make?

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If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....

....Like the words President Bush.

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Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

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Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman

But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.

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What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol?

Depends, what is yours?

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Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?

1 for 2008, 1 for 2016

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I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president

Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted

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What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym?

An acronym stands for something

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If Hillary wins, I'm moving to...

Benghazi. At least I know there, she'll leave me alone

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Hillary's mad at Satan

Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?

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Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.

I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

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To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope!

Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.

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This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton...

She isn't getting paid for it

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Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

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Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

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What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant?

Can I have a different server?

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Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.

They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"

The bartender points to two taps.

They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"

The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."

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Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

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Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

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They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

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The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is

......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.

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Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary?

They couldn't afford it.

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What are the most funny Hillary jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hillary? Well, here are the best Hillary dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hillary pick up lines to share with friends.

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