Hillary Jokes
148 hillary jokes and hilarious hillary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hillary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Hillary Short Jokes
Short hillary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hillary humour may include short voters jokes also.
- Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
- Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
- Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
- So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
- There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
- If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?
- If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.
Share These Hillary Jokes With Friends
Hillary One Liners
Which hillary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hillary? I can suggest the ones about presidency and hillary clinton.
- If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up... He should have just hired her!
- What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?
- Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name? 1 for 2008, 1 for 2016
- If Hillary wins, I'm moving to... Benghazi. At least I know there, she'll leave me alone
- This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it
- What's Hillary's favorite pizza place? Little Seizures
- Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary? They couldn't afford it.
- Why do people like Hillary Clinton? When she can't even stand herself?
- What Movie does Hillary Watch when she's in a Bad Mood..? Kill Bill.
- If Hillary becomes president She'll be sitting at the desk Monica sat under
- [OC] What is Hillary Clinton's favorite video game? Super-Pac man.
- What's Hillary Clinton's key to success? The Delete Key
- Hillary Clinton is in the hospital... She is being treated for third degree Berns.
- How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill... under the table
- Bernie demands change... whereas Hillary prefers cards or cheques.
Hillary Clinton Jokes
Here is a list of funny hillary clinton jokes and even better hillary clinton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.
- What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym? An acronym stands for something
- Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society
- What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant? Can I have a different server?
- What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common? Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.
- What do the Hindenberg, the Titanic and Hillary Clinton have in common? Going down on any of them would be horrifying.
- What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.
- Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president... He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.
- A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day... It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.
- If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office... And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
Ridiculous Hillary Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about hillary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bush jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hillary pranks.
The economy is doing really bad...
Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.
I don't think Hillary Clinton would make a good president.
Last time she had a job she outsourced it to Monica.
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?"
"Not as good as Monica"
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
A new study has found that Donald Trump supporters make the most grammatical errors.
They tried to find Hillary supporters errors as well, but they got deleted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hillary Clinton s**...!
No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.
Hillary says it's time to have a woman in the Oval Office.
Bill says - been there, done that ...
With the election coming close, I trust bill clinton the most...
He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.
Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."
Somebody asked Hillary Clinton if she would be going to see 13 hours...
She said no, she had already slept through that one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...
...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.
Hillary was shown a video of her flip-flopping on issues all over her career.
At first, she was upset. Now she says she's ok with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Bill say to Hillary after s**...?
Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because...
According to Bill, she doesn't s**....
Did yo hear about the Hillary special at KFC?
Two fat thighs and a left wing for $2.99
If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are together on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it sinks, who survives?
America.
What do you call someone who supports Hillary?
Paid off.
The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is
......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
I heard the Pope's first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary...
But he couldn't afford her speaking fees
What does Hillary Clinton use to drown the noise of Black Lives Matter protesters?
White noise
Where does Hillary Clinton eat at to appeal to Asian voters?
Pander Express.
Late Night Political Jokes
"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a frozen lake.
They weren't talking so I decided to go over and break the ice.
Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election
She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.
If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.
Not a political repost I'm just getting deported
I kinda want Hillary to win the US election
Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.
Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel
... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.
Hillary is talking to The Pope, and he says...
"With but one wave of my hand, I can make these people feel joy. Joy that nothing else in the world can bring. And it will be an eternal, everlasting joy."
Hillary says "I'll believe that when I see it."
And so, the Pope raises his hand into the air, and slaps her across the face, and the crowd goes wild.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
How much money are we talking about here?
Those "Run Hillary, Run!" bumper stickers are selling incredibly well
Democrats put them on the back of their cars, Republicans put them on the front!
So there were a lot of celebrities at the DNC including Alicia Keys and Katy Perry. Hillary was excited because they are on her iPod.
Bill was excited because they were on his to-do list.
Which course did Hillary Clinton select when playing Mario Kart?
The short circuit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's an email going around that claims to include a n**... photo of Hillary Clinton
Don't open it. It contains a n**... photo of Hillary Clinton.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot?
Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...
"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"
Why wouldn't Hillary Clinton let Bill be her IT manager?
She was too worried how often the servers would go down on him.
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar...
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.
The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"
Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."
The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."
What Saudi funded event ended in a massive collapse on 9/11?
Hillary Clinton's campaign.
What is the only law that Hillary obeys?
The law of gravity
If you think Hillary is going to drop out of the presidential race, you should know Hillary doesn't go down...
That's why Bill had Monica.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting
I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.
My friend Dave told me this joke about Hillary Clinton yesterday...
I was just wondering if anyone here has heard from him?
Who is the only person to get 15 Million dollars from a Nigerian prince?
Hillary Clinton.
First Pitch or ...
One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."
I'm not sure Hillary should be in Office...
The last Clinton left a bad taste in people's mouths.
Trump is too politically incorrect, Hillary is too politically correct
Yet they're both incorrect for politics
Third party US presidential candidate Gary Johnson just delivered a crushing blow to the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigns
By keeping his mouth shut.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If hillary nukes Russia I can see the headlines now
"Everyone in Moscow commits s**..."
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"
The bartender points to two taps.
They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"
The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."
What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions?
Donald Ducks
I'll show myself out
Hillary and Trump tie in the election...
And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".
George Soros is a big reason im voting for Hillary!
His voting machines didn't really give me a choice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..."
"All of mine s**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the FBI is reopening their investigation due to emails found on computers at Anthony w**...'s house.
If these emails bring Hillary down, it'll be the first time she's been s**... by a w**... in years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since married famous people often mix names, shouldn't Hillary and Bill's be...
h**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If this Hillary case blows up...
It will be the second time a w**... has ruined the presidency for a Clinton
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel for Hillary Clinton
The FBI found a server in my basement too. She was from h**... I think.
What is Hillary Clinton's least favorite nation?
Incrimination
