Hillary Clinton Jokes

125 hillary clinton jokes and hilarious hillary clinton puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about hillary clinton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Hillary Clinton Short Jokes

Short hillary clinton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hillary clinton humour may include short hilary clinton jokes also.

  1. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
  2. bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
  3. We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
  4. Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
  5. Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
  6. So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
  7. There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
  8. If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president. I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
  9. If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
  10. Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.

Share These Hillary Clinton Jokes With Friends

Hillary Clinton One Liners

Which hillary clinton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hillary clinton? I can suggest the ones about chelsea clinton and bill clinton.

  1. What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?
  2. Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name? 1 for 2008, 1 for 2016
  3. This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it
  4. Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.
  5. Why do people like Hillary Clinton? When she can't even stand herself?
  6. [OC] What is Hillary Clinton's favorite video game? Super-Pac man.
  7. What's Hillary Clinton's key to success? The Delete Key
  8. Hillary Clinton is in the hospital... She is being treated for third degree Berns.
  9. How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill... under the table
  10. Where does Hillary Clinton eat at to appeal to Asian voters? Pander Express.
  11. What is Hillary Clinton's least favorite vegetable? Leaks
  12. Hillary Clinton is getting her own video game. Left 4 Dead: Benghazi
  13. What Saudi funded event ended in a massive collapse on 9/11? Hillary Clinton's campaign.
  14. Hillary Clinton Style Condoms! *Rigged for her pleasure*
  15. Why has Hillary Clinton ask Santa for a 23 letter alphabet? Because she's sick of F.B.I

Hillary Clinton joke, Why has Hillary Clinton ask Santa for a 23 letter alphabet?

Witty Hillary Clinton Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about hillary clinton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean michelle obama jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hillary clinton pranks.

Oh, Bill...

A reporter asks Bill Clinton, "How's Hillary's head?"
He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!"

The economy is doing really bad...

Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.

Old Clinton joke

President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder.
As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, "you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?" ... "No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?" Clinton responds, "well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." ... "Excellent trade sir!!"

I don't think Hillary Clinton would make a good president.

Last time she had a job she outsourced it to Monica.

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?"

"Not as good as Monica"

Monica Lewinsky just released a statement on the presidential candidacy of Hillary Clinton...

She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

The Pope and Hillary Clinton

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.

Hillary Clinton s**...!

No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.

With the election coming close, I trust bill clinton the most...

He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

Somebody asked Hillary Clinton if she would be going to see 13 hours...

She said no, she had already slept through that one.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?


If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.

I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because...

According to Bill, she doesn't s**....

If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are together on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it sinks, who survives?


Monica Lewinsky says she won't endorse Hillary for president...

"The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth"

Monica Lewinsky says she WILL endorse Hillary for president...

..says Hillary Clinton "doesn't s**...."

If Hillary Clinton wins in 2016,

It will be the first time that two presidents have had s**... with each other

What does Hillary Clinton use to drown the noise of Black Lives Matter protesters?

White noise

Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...

He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.

Late Night Political Jokes

"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton doesn't s**...!

Just ask Bill

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a frozen lake.

They weren't talking so I decided to go over and break the ice.

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym?

An acronym stands for something

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.

I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

What's Hillary Clinton's e-mail password?

I don't know, but the Russians do.

A comma is the difference between

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."
"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel

... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant?

Can I have a different server?

How many Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

How much money are we talking about here?

Hillary Clinton doesn't s**...

That's why Bill cheated on her

Which course did Hillary Clinton select when playing Mario Kart?

The short circuit

The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters

She needed them to get in quick and destroy all the evidence.

There's an email going around that claims to include a n**... photo of Hillary Clinton

Don't open it. It contains a n**... photo of Hillary Clinton.

Nice pigs sir

A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.
The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."
Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."
The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."

The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot?

Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

Why wouldn't Hillary Clinton let Bill be her IT manager?

She was too worried how often the servers would go down on him.

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar...

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.
The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"
Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."
The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."

How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.

Hillary Clinton is going to be the first f president...

... Oops, I meant to say female but someone deleted the emale

What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common?

Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.

So Hillary Clinton recently said half of Tump's supporters are a "Basket of deplorables".

Next Trump will respond saying:
"Half of Hillary's supporters are deportables"

My friend Dave told me this joke about Hillary Clinton yesterday...

I was just wondering if anyone here has heard from him?

I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president

Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted

Who is the only person to get 15 Million dollars from a Nigerian prince?

Hillary Clinton.

First Pitch or ...

One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."

I'm not sure Hillary should be in Office...

The last Clinton left a bad taste in people's mouths.

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

Third party US presidential candidate Gary Johnson just delivered a crushing blow to the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigns

By keeping his mouth shut.

At first I wondered.. How on earth does Hillary Clinton sleep at night?

Then I realised - First she *lies* on one side, then she *lies* on the other.

Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary?

The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.

They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"
The bartender points to two taps.
They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"
The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."

A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..."

"All of mine s**..."

If this Hillary case blows up...

It will be the second time a w**... has ruined the presidency for a Clinton

I feel for Hillary Clinton

The FBI found a server in my basement too. She was from h**... I think.

What is Hillary Clinton's least favorite nation?


What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common?

They were both ruined by weiners.

Cheer up Hillary Clinton.

Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.

What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails?

The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?

Because he found his s**... note in her Wikileaks emails.

Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman

But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.

News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call.

Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!

Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year

Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job.

Hillary Clinton joke, Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year

jokes about hillary clinton