Hilary Jokes
74 hilary jokes and hilarious hilary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hilary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Hilary Short Jokes
Short hilary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hilary humour may include short hilary clinton jokes also.
- I asked my wife why she married me. I asked my wife why she married me.
She said Because you are funny.
I said I thought it was because I was good in bed.
She said See? You're hilarious! - Cheer up Hilary! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
- Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
- You know what would be a hilarious prank? Make people study for 18 years and dont give them a job.
- LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for helium. It will be hilarious when you scream.
- Our family surname is Daniels So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.
She hates it. - My life is like a romantic comedy Except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes.
> HA! Hilarious and original! Encore! - What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons? *A novel naval navel novel.*
- Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death." Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
- I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence.
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Hilary One Liners
Which hilary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hilary? I can suggest the ones about presidency and presidential.
- I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.
- Will you marry me? I guess I don't really get it, but she seemed to find it hilarious.
- The description is hilarious! The title is deeply misinformed.
- Does Hilary's scandal compare to Bill's? I'd say it's close, but no cigar.
- My boyfriend said I have daddy issues That's hilarious because I never even met the man!
- What kind of gum do bees chew? BUMBLEGUM.
Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not. - did anybody see that hilarious Amy schumer bit? me neither
- I have a girlfriend.. And other hilarious jokes i can tell myself.
- My mushroom just cracked a hilarious joke I have a feeling he is a Fungi
- Jokes about Jim Jones are hilarious But always have the worst punchlines.
- I was the best man at my own wedding It was hilarious. I was beside myself.
- Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year? That was hilarious, wasn't it.
- What did the Vietnamese guy text in response to the Cambodian man's hilarious joke? LMAOS
- I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat But the margin was too small to contain it
- It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
Hilary Clinton Jokes
Here is a list of funny hilary clinton jokes and even better hilary clinton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hilary Clinton will make the best president She will save us 25% in salary right from the start.
- Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy? We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.
- The biggest joke of 2015.. When you have Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, and Deez Nuts running for President.
- What footwear does Hilary Clinton wear to the beach? Flip flops or scandals!
- Hilary Clinton and Seth Rich walk into a bar... The bartender says "What'll you have?"
Hilary says "I'll have a glass of wine, and he'll have 2 shots in the back" - I recently saw The VVitch and it was a very eye opening experience I had no idea Hilary Clinton had such a rough childhood.
- Tom Brady, Hilary Clinton, and Urban Meyer walk into a bar. None of them can get an Uber home because they've all destroyed their cell phones.
- Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America
- Most disgusting "Would you rather.." ever Would you rather - live for the next four years and have Hilary Clinton as President or Live for the next four years and have Donald Trump as President?
- Hilary Clinton scandal -deleted-
Rib-Tickling Hilary Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about hilary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean president jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hilary pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill and Hilary Clinton, a boy, and an elderly man are on a plane
...when the plane starts going down. Unfortunately there was only 3 parachutes.
Bill says "I was president of the United States so i should take one."
So he grabs a c**... and jumps.
Hillary says "I'm the smartest person in the world, so i should go."
So she grabs a c**... and jumps.
Then the elderly man says "I've lived my life boy, you take the last c**..."
The boy says "Wait there's still two parachutes, the smartest person in the world took my backpack"
A joke we tell tourists in china
Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta.
Back then, the Terra-cotta site was out in the province in a small local village. This village was the hometown of the fortunate old chinese man who discovered them and was going to meet POTUS. It also meant he had no education and spoke no english.
So the chinese officials prepared the old chinese discoverer with a few basic english phrases such as:
"hi, how are you"
"Fine, you?"
"Me too"
The day finally came and, naturally, the old chinese discoverer was nervous to be meeting Clinton. None the less he went through the english he was taught in his head and wasn't going to lose face.
Smiling, Clinton approached the old chinese discoverer and said, "Hello"
The chinese discoverer paused briefly to recall, but out of nervousness mispronounced; "Hi, who are you?"
"I am the President of the United States and the husband of this lovely lady," a surprised Clinton said while pointing at his wife.
"Me too," he replied
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hilary Clinton is pregnant....
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find outthat she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator ofNew York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! Howcould you? ? !!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what haveyou got to say? ? ? "There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screamsagain, "Did you hear me? ? !! " Finally she hears Bill's very, veryquiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this? "
Hilary Clinton, Bill O'Reilly and Brian Williams walk into a bar
Well not necessarily a bar per se and they didn't actually walk in and they weren't together...Ok I made it all up
If Hilary Clinton loses the election, she can always move to Morocco
Where she can peacefully bag carpets for the rest of her life
Chelsea asks Hilary to dinner
100k for a meet-and-greet, 250 to say hello and 400,000 for dinner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hilary Clinton is too rich to be a democrat.
Maybe she should form a party called "hypocrat."
ELI5: Why is Hilary Clinton appealing to voters?
Because she's a woman.
Winner of the coin flip at Superbowl 50 announced earlier today.
Hilary Clinton has decided to receive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump wants to make America great again, Hilary wants to make America whole again.
Together, they can make America a great hole.
If Hilary Clinton is elected president, what title will they give Bill?
First Lady's man (;
Did you know Hilary Clinton is an excellent musician?
She plays the lyre really well.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the only thing that doesn't make Hilary s**...?
Bill
Best presidential debate
1990's Hilary v 2000 Hilary v 2004 Hilary v 2008 Hilary v now Hilary
One good thing about Hilary as president.
One good thing about having Hilary as president is that we wouldn't have to pay her as much.
How many Hilary Clinton aides does it take to setup a private server?
[REDACTED]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know a guy that once r**... Hilary Clinton.
He got charged for animal a**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm about as excited for hilary to be president
I'm about as excited for hilary to be president, as Bill is when he sees her n**....
Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can become president
As long as your husband did it first
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Trump say after s**...?
"You're the best daughter ever."
(Credit for inspiration to the "What does Bill say to Hilary after s**..." joke)
"My body, my choice"
-Hilary Clinton, 11 September 2016
What do you call an old, secretive, large, female dog?
Hilary Clinton
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hilary Clinton called some of us Trump supporters "deplorable". But I ain't worried.
They can't deplort me, I was born in this country!
I wouldn't mind hilary clinton being president.
At least the nuclear launch codes would get deleted.
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
I challenge someone to say something including the word "Trump" or "Hilary" without sounding biased in any way.
Hang on... Did I just...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This really crashes my belief system.
Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year.
Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...
When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:
"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"
You'll never believe what Hilary did in 2003
She starred in the Lizzie McGuire Movie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Politicians are the biggest liars!
Take Hilary Clinton for instance. Last year she said she was 69, and now she's saying that she's 70! ^(btw not a factorial)
If Hilary had one she would have had to work at the same desk Monica worked under.
A duck eats through its Bill.
It poops through its Hilary.
I feel like Hilary Clinton
I just deleated 50,000 emails
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In a parallel universe, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton were applying to be a president.
They had to fill out a form. The form asked for their name, s**..., birthday, address, religion and so on plus a few essay questions.
Trump wasn't sure how to answer some questions because they seemed too personal, so he peeked at Hilary's form. He saw the first line which said Name: Hilary Clinton. s**...: F. Birthday: Oct 26, 1947.
He then peeked at Obama's form and only saw the top part that said Name: Barrack Obama. s**...: M. Birthday: Aug 4, 1961.
Trump smirked and proudly filled out his form where he wrote Name: Donald Trump. s**...: MWF.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who was the funniest pope in history?
**Pope Hilarius** (or **Hilary**) was the bishop of Rome from 19 November 461 to his death on 29 February 468.
