Hilary Clinton Jokes
66 hilary clinton jokes and hilarious hilary clinton puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hilary clinton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hilary Clinton Short Jokes
Short hilary clinton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hilary clinton humour may include short hillary clinton jokes also.
- Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
- Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death." Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
- Monica said she wasn't voting for Hilary... because the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth
- Hilary Clinton will make the best president She will save us 25% in salary right from the start.
- Why Didn't Monica Lewinsky Vote For Hilary Clinton? Because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
- Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy? We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.
- Hilary Clinton will be the first f president of the united states.... i was gonna say female but someone deleted the emale.
- This really crashes my belief system. Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year.
- The biggest joke of 2015.. When you have Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, and Deez Nuts running for President.
- Hilary Clinton and Seth Rich walk into a bar... The bartender says "What'll you have?"
Hilary says "I'll have a glass of wine, and he'll have 2 shots in the back"
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Hilary Clinton One Liners
Which hilary clinton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hilary clinton? I can suggest the ones about chelsea clinton and bill clinton.
- Donald trump and Hilary Clinton are in a plane, the plane crashes who survives? America.
- What footwear does Hilary Clinton wear to the beach? Flip flops or scandals!
- Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America
- Hilary Clinton scandal -deleted-
- Did you know Hilary Clinton is an excellent musician? She plays the lyre really well.
- I feel like Hilary Clinton I just deleated 50,000 emails
- "My body, my choice" -Hilary Clinton, 11 September 2016
- What do you call an old, secretive, large, female dog? Hilary Clinton
- How many Hilary Clinton aides does it take to setup a private server? [REDACTED]
- Hilary Clinton becomes president. Refer back to title.
- Hilary clinton married for love Love of power, sure, but it's technically love
- What is Hilary Clintons favorite part about going to the beach? Her Flip-Flops.
- Hillary Clinton is... hilarious.
- ELI5: Why is Hilary Clinton appealing to voters? Because she's a woman.
- I know a guy that once r**... Hilary Clinton. He got charged for animal a**....
Fun-Filled Hilary Clinton Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about hilary clinton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean michelle obama jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hilary clinton pranks.
Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast.
They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes.
Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped.
Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped.
Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped.
The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said
"Why? We can both jump."
"How is that?" said the monk.
The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"
Bill and Hilary Clinton, a boy, and an elderly man are on a plane
...when the plane starts going down. Unfortunately there was only 3 parachutes.
Bill says "I was president of the United States so i should take one."
So he grabs a c**... and jumps.
Hillary says "I'm the smartest person in the world, so i should go."
So she grabs a c**... and jumps.
Then the elderly man says "I've lived my life boy, you take the last c**..."
The boy says "Wait there's still two parachutes, the smartest person in the world took my backpack"
A joke we tell tourists in china
Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta.
Back then, the Terra-cotta site was out in the province in a small local village. This village was the hometown of the fortunate old chinese man who discovered them and was going to meet POTUS. It also meant he had no education and spoke no english.
So the chinese officials prepared the old chinese discoverer with a few basic english phrases such as:
"hi, how are you"
"Fine, you?"
"Me too"
The day finally came and, naturally, the old chinese discoverer was nervous to be meeting Clinton. None the less he went through the english he was taught in his head and wasn't going to lose face.
Smiling, Clinton approached the old chinese discoverer and said, "Hello"
The chinese discoverer paused briefly to recall, but out of nervousness mispronounced; "Hi, who are you?"
"I am the President of the United States and the husband of this lovely lady," a surprised Clinton said while pointing at his wife.
"Me too," he replied
Hilary Clinton is pregnant....
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find outthat she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator ofNew York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! Howcould you? ? !!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what haveyou got to say? ? ? "There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screamsagain, "Did you hear me? ? !! " Finally she hears Bill's very, veryquiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this? "
Hilary Clinton, Bill O'Reilly and Brian Williams walk into a bar
Well not necessarily a bar per se and they didn't actually walk in and they weren't together...Ok I made it all up
If Hilary Clinton loses the election, she can always move to Morocco
Where she can peacefully bag carpets for the rest of her life
Hilary Clinton is too rich to be a democrat.
Maybe she should form a party called "hypocrat."
Winner of the coin flip at Superbowl 50 announced earlier today.
Hilary Clinton has decided to receive.
I recently saw The VVitch and it was a very eye opening experience
I had no idea Hilary Clinton had such a rough childhood.
13 Hours
Why did Hilary Clinton not go watch the movie 13 hours?
She already slept through it once.
If Hilary Clinton is elected president, what title will they give Bill?
First Lady's man (;
Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump are on a ship when a rogue wave causes it to capsize. Who survives?
America
Hilary Clinton and Donald trump are on a boat..
Donald Trump an Hilary Clinton are on Ted Cruz's boat. Because Donald Trumps ego took up to much weight, the boat sank. Who survives?
AMERICA!!!
A man dies and goes to heaven...
St. Peter welcomes him and shows him many many clocks.
"There is a clock for every person on the Earth" says St. Peter "The hand moves a bit if the person lies. We even have all the politicians here. Obama, Bush and Trump."
"And where is Hilary Clinton's clock?" Asks the man.
Peter answers: "It's in my office, I use it as a fan."
Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can become president
As long as your husband did it first
Hilary Clinton called some of us Trump supporters "deplorable". But I ain't worried.
They can't deplort me, I was born in this country!
I wouldn't mind hilary clinton being president.
At least the nuclear launch codes would get deleted.
The Pope and Hilary Clinton were on the same stage at the Yankee Stadium in front of a giant crowd...
The Pope leans towards Hilary and says, "Do you know with one wave of my hand I can make this entire crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Hilary said, " I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand...show me!"
So the Pope backhanded her off the stage. The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness through out the land.
Most disgusting "Would you rather.." ever
Would you rather - live for the next four years and have Hilary Clinton as President or Live for the next four years and have Donald Trump as President?
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie
So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the next man up is in a bit better physical shape in 15 minutes even. Hilary Clinton wanting to assure the country is safe from Donald Trump cuts a few corners to improve her time. At the finish line Obama informs her she ran a time of 10 minutes 17 seconds. "Wow!" Hilary responds "10:17 must be a record!" jumping for joy. "Not exactly" States Obama. "Bush did 9:11"
What would have they called Hillary Clinton in the senate of the ancient Roman Republic ?
Hilarious...!
The Wall
They should build the border wall out of Hilary Clinton...
Since people can't seem to get over her.
Politicians are the biggest liars!
Take Hilary Clinton for instance. Last year she said she was 69, and now she's saying that she's 70! ^(btw not a factorial)
Tom Brady, Hilary Clinton, and Urban Meyer walk into a bar.
None of them can get an Uber home because they've all destroyed their cell phones.
In a parallel universe, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton were applying to be a president.
They had to fill out a form. The form asked for their name, s**..., birthday, address, religion and so on plus a few essay questions.
Trump wasn't sure how to answer some questions because they seemed too personal, so he peeked at Hilary's form. He saw the first line which said Name: Hilary Clinton. s**...: F. Birthday: Oct 26, 1947.
He then peeked at Obama's form and only saw the top part that said Name: Barrack Obama. s**...: M. Birthday: Aug 4, 1961.
Trump smirked and proudly filled out his form where he wrote Name: Donald Trump. s**...: MWF.
