Hilarious Jokes

142 hilarious jokes and hilarious hilarious puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hilarious that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This is the most hilarious jokes article you will ever read!

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Funniest Hilarious Short Jokes

Short hilarious jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hilarious humour may include short funny jokes also.

  1. I asked my wife why she married me. I asked my wife why she married me.
    She said Because you are funny.
    I said I thought it was because I was good in bed.
    She said See? You're hilarious!
  2. Cheer up Hilary! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
  3. Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
  4. My 9 year old told me this one. What is the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti? meatballs.
    She's so petite and delicate so it was perfectly hilarious.
  5. You know what would be a hilarious prank? Make people study for 18 years and dont give them a job.
  6. A man asks his wife why did she get married to him "Because you're very funny."
    "I thought it was because I'm good in bed."
    "You see? You're hilarious!"
  7. LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for helium. It will be hilarious when you scream.
  8. Our family surname is Daniels So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.
    She hates it.
  9. As a Hilary supporter in Colorado, I'm still happy with the outcome of the election. Since proposition 106 passed I can legally kill myself now that trump won.
  10. My life is like a romantic comedy Except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes.
    > HA! Hilarious and original! Encore!

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Hilarious One Liners

Which hilarious one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hilarious? I can suggest the ones about humorous and hysterical.

  1. I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.
  2. Yo mama so fat it's hilarious I'm not laughing but the floor is cracking up
  3. Will you marry me? I guess I don't really get it, but she seemed to find it hilarious.
  4. The description is hilarious! The title is deeply misinformed.
  5. Does Hilary's scandal compare to Bill's? I'd say it's close, but no cigar.
  6. My boyfriend said I have daddy issues That's hilarious because I never even met the man!
  7. What kind of gum do bees chew? BUMBLEGUM.
    Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.
  8. did anybody see that hilarious Amy schumer bit? me neither
  9. I have a girlfriend.. And other hilarious jokes i can tell myself.
  10. My mushroom just cracked a hilarious joke I have a feeling he is a Fungi
  11. Jokes about Jim Jones are hilarious But always have the worst punchlines.
  12. I was the best man at my own wedding It was hilarious. I was beside myself.
  13. Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year? That was hilarious, wasn't it.
  14. What did the Vietnamese guy text in response to the Cambodian man's hilarious joke? LMAOS
  15. I like my women like i like my tea. Pale and weak.
    Hilarious I know.

Kids Hilarious Jokes

Here is a list of funny kids hilarious jokes and even better kids hilarious puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Mommy mommy why do I keep running around in circles? "Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."
    In the 80s, my mother thought this was hilarious.
  • It's all fun and games until some kid dies Then it's hilarious

Bad Hilarious Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad hilarious jokes and even better bad hilarious puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Monica said she wasn't voting for Hilary... because the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth
  • Why Didn't Monica Lewinsky Vote For Hilary Clinton? Because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
  • A joke I heard at the Ren Fest once...still bad, and still hilarious. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    Because it was dead.
  • I haven't seen a lead blown this badly since Hilary's 2016 campaign.
  • I have this joke in sign language which is super hilarious Too bad you can't see it
Hilarious joke, I have this joke in sign language which is super hilarious

Long Hilarious Jokes

Here is a list of funny long hilarious jokes and even better long hilarious puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Coinkidink does not imply causalidink That's all I've got, but 2 long island iced teas me thinks that is deeply, utterly hilarious. Back me up..?
  • Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can become president As long as your husband did it first
Hilarious joke, Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can become president

Laughter Hilarious Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about hilarious you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comedic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hilarious pranks.

When I was a kid I remember a joke that went something like this: if your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help your uncle j**...?, I know not too funny! Well years later my then 8 year old son comes home from school and said he heard a joke, I said let's hear it. And he said,..,

If your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help him down? And then said he didn't get it! I thought it was hilarious!

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

Try this on someone

say to them "Ive got a great knock knock joke for you but you have to start"
most likely their response will be "Okay, knock knock"
you then say "Who's there?"
They will usually be terribly confused and a hilarious awkward silence ensues

"..A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news..'"

"This remind me of a hilarious joke. A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news.'
'What are the bad news?' asks the patient.
'You only have 24 hours to live.' replies the doctor.
'Oh my, that's terrible! What could possibly be worse than that?!'
'Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday...!'
Haha! Always knocks em out!"
- The Joker on The Batman cartoon.

My Dad told me this one today

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor,
The doctor tells him "You have a cataract",
The man says "No, I drive a Rincoln."
My dad told this one to me today and just thought it was hilarious

A Child Didn't Attend School

Late afternoon, the grandma saw the teacher walking up their driveway. She asked her grandson, "Did you leave school early today?" He hung his head and admitted, "Yes Grandma." The grandma thought it was hilarious and assured him saying she would tell the teacher that she hadn't seen him all day. "Maybe you should go hide," she suggested. "Oh no, Grandma. *You* should hide, not me!" Surprised, she asked why. The grandson said, "I told the teacher you died!"

This is the worst joke I've ever told, and I think it's hilarious. Am I really alone?

A woman bursts into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor! I'm having a panic attack!"
The doctor looks at her and says, "Calm down."

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

I bought a girl a drink at the bar.

It hurt to see her give it to her boyfriend.
But it was hilarious to see him drink the roofie.

Have you ever heard of the ckicken plant?

I guess the eggplant came first!
I work at a grocery store and a guy in the produce department told me this. He thought it was hilarious

My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana who?"
"Banana you glad I didn't say orange?"

"There are three kinds of s**......"

"There's homosexual s**..., for people who have s**... at home, bisexual, for people who buy s**..., and there's t**...—that's me, I'll try anything!"
Credit to Francis, the 80-year-old, flamboyantly hilarious artist I met on the train yesterday morning.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poke her face.
A joke from a 3 year old who thought it was hilarious, but probably didn't understand it.

Hilary Clinton will make the best president

She will save us 25% in salary right from the start.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD

Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.

I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat

But the margin was too small to contain it

The biggest joke of 2015..

When you have Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, and Deez Nuts running for President.

What do you call a funny hill?

Hilarious ...
My little sister told me this and I wasn't expecting it at all. :|

What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

What's the only thing that doesn't make Hilary s**...?


One good thing about Hilary as president.

One good thing about having Hilary as president is that we wouldn't have to pay her as much.

A man dies and goes to heaven...

St. Peter welcomes him and shows him many many clocks.
"There is a clock for every person on the Earth" says St. Peter "The hand moves a bit if the person lies. We even have all the politicians here. Obama, Bush and Trump."
"And where is Hilary Clinton's clock?" Asks the man.
Peter answers: "It's in my office, I use it as a fan."

Those childhood days(real incident)

I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously
Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.

My friend told me this hilarious joke about Parkinson's last night

But I don't want to tell it because I'm a little shaky on the details.

I was about to tell a hilarious joke about chemistry..

..but last time I did, I couldn't handle the reactions.

Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy?

We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.

Hilary Clinton will be the first f president of the united states....

i was gonna say female but someone deleted the emale.

My buddy told me this hilarious joke earlier about Albert Einstein getting a h**......

What a s**... of genius!

Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S...

For Shooting

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

*Last post of this was 6 months ago from my quick search, reposting because it is hilarious.*

What does Trump say after s**...?

"You're the best daughter ever."
(Credit for inspiration to the "What does Bill say to Hilary after s**..." joke)

Nurse: "Oh jeez, was that you that fell 20 ft out of the tree?"

I don't know, I wasn't counting.
Not much of a joke but it was hilarious when my grandpa said it at the hospital (happened to him ofc).

Can you spare just $2.00?

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia in Africa. He has only one leg, and is blind in one eye. Every day he goes seven miles along a narrow road on his rusty bike with no brakes to get to school. If you can send just $2.00 . . . We'll send you the video! It's hilarious!

After s**... I always get out my phone and order my wife a dozen roses.

My girlfriend thinks I'm hilarious.

I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

My friend told me everytime he goes to this sub he finds new hilarious jokes

I was surprised at first, but then I remembered he has a short-term memory.

Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death."

Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

This really crashes my belief system.

Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year.

Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...

When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:
"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"

It's always funny until someone gets hurt.

Then it's hilarious.

A fish went swimming.

And it drowned.
*My 4 year old daughter has just told me her first "joke". She finds it hilarious. "You get it? Fish cant drown. Thats funny!"
I'm worried..

A homless lady pushing a cart at 2 am told my friends and i this. "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire"

See you the same time next month.
And then she cackled like a witch who'd been smoking for 40 years most of her teeth missing, it was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.

A single woman walks into a bar.

She goes straight up to the bartender and says, "I was told there would be a joke; that it would be hilarious; and that you would deliver the punchline."
The bartender looks up and says, "well aren't you miss informed."

I wanted to tell a depressing, sad joke that was hilarious

So I phoned up Trump and said "that was hilarious"

Sharing a meal is hilarious.

You'll be splitting your sides.

What do you do when you see a green alien?

Wait until they are ripe!
* I'm either really tired, or this is so s**... it's hilarious

My boss just texted me: "Send me one of your funny jokes!"

I texted him back: "I'm busy working. I'll send one later."
"That's hilarious," he said. "Send another one!"

I heard that when a girl likes you she laughs at all your jokes, whether or not they are funny...

So I thought that all the girls loved me.
Turns out I'm just hilarious.

What kind of pasta should you NEVER put on your face?

(This might be a repost, but my mom just thought of it and I thought it was hilarious 😘)

Jokes for six year old

Hey guys. Was hoping all you hilarious people at jokes could help a dad out.
I recently started working out of town for long stretches and I just want to be able to tell my six year old son some funny jokes for his age.
I've looked some up but after the 4th website I realized they are mostly unoriginal and not that funny. Anyways, you guys got anything to make the little man laugh when I call him?

Dave and Steve are out back at a party, smoking and talking

Dave turns to Steve and starts telling what he thought was a hilarious joke. After he's finished, Dave is confused, as Steve isn't laughing at all. Then he remembers it's an inside joke.

Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport

I mean I had to hand it to them

A dad tells his son a joke...

And for once the joke is really funny. The son says, "Well dad, I can't believe you cracked a hilarious one."
So the dad replies,"Son, that will teach you to always expect the unexpecdad."

My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal c**... on the coast was especially hilarious.

We littorally died.

Hilarious cow jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
- tri-tip
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
- lean beef
What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
- steak
What do you call a cow with no legs?
- ground beef
What do you call a cow who works out?
- shredded beef
What do you call a m**... cow?
- beef stroganoff
Why does the milk stool only have three legs?
- because the cow has the udder

Somebody once told me that I could break a mirror just by looking at it.

They insisted it was hilarious. I didn't find it funny.
The mirror cracked up though.

Somewhere, someone on this earth needs a person just like you in their life, and they've always wished for you to show up

And other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself.

I was going to tell a hilarious joke about those automated teller machines

But I really can't think of one atm...

Wife asks the husband, who's the fool - you or me?

The husband calmly replies, while sipping his coffee, "honey, everyone knows you are way too smart to marry a fool"
Edit - I swear the joke was hilarious in the language I translated it from.

My five-year-old, everyone.

My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).

Did you guys hear this joke about Trumps Mexican border wall?

It's hilarious. I'm still trying to get over it.

Did you hear the joke about the high wall?

It's hilarious, I'm still trying to get over it!

Hilarious joke, Did you hear the joke about the high wall?

jokes about hilarious