Hiking Jokes
83 hiking jokes and hilarious hiking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hiking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best hiking jokes to make your next outdoor adventure even more enjoyable! Laugh, relax, and get ready to hit the trail with these hilarious jokes for campers and hikers, so you can have a great time in the forest.
Funniest Hiking Short Jokes
Short hiking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hiking humour may include short take a hike jokes also.
- "What do you do in your free time? " "I stalk. " "Really? I go swimming and for long hikes"
"I know.". - Why does the admiral of the navy put a destroyer everywhere his girlfriend hikes? He warships the ground she walks on.
- Why did dad divorce mom after hiking Mt. Everest? Mom got frostbite, and had toes amputated.
Dad's lack-toes-intolerant. - A man hiking in the Himalayas comes across a sadhu meditating. He says the sadhu, "there is a blizzard coming aren't you going to go back to town?" The sadhu responds Nah I'ma stay
- With the recent hike in GameStop stocks... You are able to return something from GameStop and get your money back for the first time.
- Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself. When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.
- Always carry some fiber cable with you when hiking If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.
- My friend has the ability to hike the most complex of trails without getting lost. It's pathological.
- Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, Snake! Run! His companion laughs at him. Oh, relax. It's only a baby, he says. Don't you hear the rattle?
- let's go backpacking I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go backpacking this weekend.
She said sure, where do you want to go?
I replied "why do we start by hiking up your dress"
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Hiking One Liners
Which hiking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hiking? I can suggest the ones about camping and mountain climbing.
- I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar Almost made me puma pants
- Do you know what I call my hiking playlist? My trail mix
- How do fleas travel? They itch-hike
- What is zombie's favorite hiking snack? Entrail mix
- When you go hiking with asthma You'll always find a breathtaking view
- My compass broke on a hiking trip. It went south very quickly.
- What does Jesus eat while on a hike? Grail mix.
- What does Judas eat when he goes hiking? Betrayal Mix.
- So I was hiking up my favorite path the other day to watch the sunset...
- You know why i love hiking? It is all about the in tents action.
- Why didn't the tea bag like hiking? It was too steep...
- Knock knock Who's there?
Hike
Hike who?
No this is a knock knock joke - France I bought uncomfortable hiking shoes in France, they were Toulouse
- I went hiking yesterday. It was ok. It had its ups and downs.
- TIFU by going on a hike with my soccer team Obligatory this happened a three weeks ago...
Hiking Trail Jokes
Here is a list of funny hiking trail jokes and even better hiking trail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you eat when you go hiking? Trail mix
- How do hiking trails make babies? They fork!
Cheerful Fun Hiking Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about hiking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jogging jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hiking pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes go hiking.
Two blondes go hiking and come across some tracks. The first blonde stops and says they are wolf tracks, while the second blonde says they are bear tracks. After an hour of arguing the train runs them over.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are hiking...
Two men are hiking in a forest when suddenly, the other man falls down. "Oh my God!", his friend exclaims. He quickly dials 911. He gets connected to an operater. "This is 911, what is your emergency?" "Me and my buddy were hiking and he suddenly fell down! His eyes are glazed and he isn't moving!" "Calm down, sir. Everything will be okay. Now, can you make sure he is dead?"
There is a brief silence on the line, then a gunshot is heard in the background. "Okay, now what?"
A man is hitch hiking on a highway
When a man driving a hearse pulls up, "I got room in the back if you want to hop in." The driver says.
"That's a kind offer, but no thanks." Replies the hitch hiker, "I'm not going that far today."
Where is my goat?
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
Stock Market Report
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.
A father-son hike
A Father and his son are hiking in the grand canyon. The go around some bends, over some hills, and through some nooks. They round the bend and see a native american sitting on a rock.
The father points to the native american and says, son, native americans have the best memory of any peoples in the world
The young son thinks he's quite the smart one and goes up to the native american and says, What did you have for breakfast last tuesday.
Without hesitation the Native American responds, eggs. The son is impressed and goes on with the hike with his father.
30 years later the son is now a grown man, and is hiking the same trail with his own son. He goes around the same bends, over the same hills, and lo and behold, rounds the corner and there is that same native american on the same rock.
He's an older wiser man now, and will really test this native american. He walks up, raises his hand in greeting and says HOW
Native American responds, Scrambled.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
UNBELIEVABLE!!! Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Caliber p**... !
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?
While out hiking in Alberta, Canada with my boyfriend, we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!
Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took. The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
It's one of the best pistols in my collection.
A hobo and a goat are hiking up a small mountain.
Who is the hill-billy?
Two men are hiking in the woods.
Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"
A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps...
> A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps.
>One of them, it is said, took out a map, and after studying it for a long time exclaimed: "Now I know where we are!"
>"Where?" asked the others.
>"See that big mountain right over there? *We are right on top of it.*"
George Gamow
A boy and his dad go hiking.
"Now, son, this is bear country. If you see a bear, what do you think you should do?"
"Run."
"Run? You think you can outrun a bear?"
"No, I just have to outrun YOU."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a man of high authority, s**... out of his mind strolling along in the forest?
Hiking
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
A horse hiking in deep space.
Star Trek: Deep Space Neigh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend and I were hiking
Me: "That's a huge rock over there!"
Him: "Boulder."
Me: **"That's a huge rock over there."**
The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world...
You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking.
What Do you Call a Mexican Hitch Hiking in Texas?
El Paso
did you hear about my friend? he went hiking but got is leg stuck in some branches.
he was in a pretty stick-ey situation.
How Canada got it's name, eh
Three men were hiking in the wilds north of America, in the country that is now known as Canada.
They gradually realize that they are exploring undiscovered territory.
Man 1 looks at his buddies, clearly excited.
I think we discovered a new land, eh! He says enthusiastically.
We're venturing where no men have ever gone before, eh, Man
2 agrees, also excited.
Let's name it, Man 3 decides.
We'll each pick a letter, so it'll be fair, eh!
The three of them agree to this method, and Man 1 begins.
C, eh, Man 1 starts.
N, eh, Man 2 continues.
D, eh, Man 3 finishes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback.
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback when an emu walked up to them.
One of the men was thrilled to see an emu so close up. The other man was more hesitant, for he read that emus can be very aggressive and hostile.
The man started to yell at the emu, "Go away, you big, fat, s**..., flightless bird! We don't want you here!"
The other man responded, "Dude, stop ostracizing it."
The Bison.
My son and I were hiking one day when a bison charged towards him as he was taking a leak. I shouted Bison but it was already too late and he died. My wife tried to console me and said Atleast you were able to say goodbye .
Two atheists are out hiking in the woods,
and they come upon some hungry bears. The pack of bears start chasing them, and corner them near a cliff. One of the atheists calls out, "Jesus, please help us." Jesus appears, pauses time, and asks whether the two atheists are willing to be proper Christians and follow all the commandments. The atheists think about it, but don't really want to ... one winks to his friend, and asks if instead Jesus can make the bears be Christians. Jesus answers in the affirmative and allows time to resume. The bears then bow their heads, and say "Bless us Oh Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty ..."
A man is hiking through the Welsh mountains...
A man is hiking through the Welsh mountains with his pet newt when he comes across a pub. He enters the pub and sees that there is a sign that says dogs are allowed in.
"Can I bring my pet newt inside?" The man asks the bartender.
"Hmm, I suppose so." The bartender says, slightly sceptical.
The man leaves and enters again with the biggest newt the bartender had ever seen. It was almost a meter long and the bartender was shocked silent.
"This is my newt: Tiny." The man tells the bartender.
"Tiny? But it's massive!" The bartender says in shock.
"He's called Tiny because he's my newt."
I think my friend is losing his mind since his wife died.
She was eaten by a bear when she was hiking.
Ever since then he's been smiling and saying "I'm not sad, I'm GLADIATOR!"
Title of my memoirs on solo hiking in California's wine country:
"I, Hermit, through the grapevine."
Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...
The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"
The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"
The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"
They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train hit them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was hiking with my buddy. Suddenly, a 10ft grizzly bear appeared out of nowhere.
The bear started to charge at both of us. Luckily, I had my 9mm p**... with me. One shot to my buddy's kneecap was all it took. I walked away at a comfortable pace.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't go hiking if you're high on m**....
Or you'll be treking bad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been hiking all winter with my spouse's remains, but no more.
Finally dumped the last piece of the body yesterday.
Did you hear about the tie and the hat who went hiking?
The tie always liked to hang around, whilst the hat kept going on ahead.
Why won't the Jedi go hiking?
They're afraid of being Darth Mauled.
What's better than a beautiful mountain hiking trip?
Everything! So be careful not to do that while you are hiking on a mountain.
What was High King Arther's favorite activity?
Hiking
I was hiking in Alaska when I encountered a sleeping family of bears and just had to take a photo.
It was a Kodiak moment.
what do you call a bishop on a hiking trip
a roamin' catholic
I once was hiking with my younger sister, after 10 kilometers she stops and says: I can't feel my legs anymore.
So I said: So we can continue since you don't feel anything bad?
Ole came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Vere did you get da money for da bike? Dat musta cost $500," he asked.
"It was easy, Dad," little Lars replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Lars," Ole said. "Tell me da truth."
"Dat is da truth Dad!" Lars replied.
"Every night you ver gone, Sven, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $10 bill and tell me ta take a hike.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you survive a grizzly bear attack with only a .22 p**...?
Shoot your hiking partner in the leg.
An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking in the Alps...
An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking together in the Alps.
On the hike the three keep trying to find similarities between them, but always end getting into arguments.
After a ways, the Frenchman and the Italian decide to take a quick break to take a leak. As they both leave the trail, the American calls after them Hey, I know something you both have in common!
Cos'è quello, what's that..?! Replies the Italian over his shoulder.
C'est Quoi? Replies the Frenchman from the other side of the trail.
The American shouts out European!
I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...
Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.
And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of friends are hiking in the mountains, when they spot a bear running towards them...
They frantically drop everything then start running from the bear. But the bear soon catches up to the slowest friend and mauls him.
The horrified friends watch in horror as the bear feasts on their deceased mate.
Then one of them breaks into tears sobbing:
"I feel so guilty!"
"It could've been any of us, my friend. You should not feel any shame or guilt!"
"You mean... You guys would've tripped him too?"
Hiking
Two women are hiking in the wilds, and they arrive at a chasm over a river with an old bridge. One of the women announces she needs to pee and proceeds to drop her drawers, but before she begins, she looks down and exclaims in a startled voice, "There is a canoe below me full of moose meat!"
The other woman looks over the side of the bridge and says, "Oh silly, that's just your reflection in the water."
Three guys were hiking took a short-cut across a farmer's field, where the found a pig stuck halfway through a fence.
"I wish that was my Nancy, my girl friend" said the guy from Florida.
" I wish that was my cousin Mary-Lou" said the guy from Georgia
"I wish it was dark out" said the guy from Alabama
Traditional jokes from my childhood #3
A group of friends were hiking a mountain and were planning on having a picnic up there..
One of the friends stutters a lot on the starts of sentences... On the way up he kept saying "w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-" until they made it to the top of the mountain he was finally able to say "We forgot our food", everyone got mad and sad and started their way back down.
The joke doesn't end here... on the way down he kept saying "J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j..." until they made it to where they had parked their car he was finally able to say "Just kidding".
Present tense of cloud?
As I was saying goodnight to my 10 year old son this evening he said:
I saw a bunch of clouds while we were out hiking today. I wonder which one holds my data...
I groaned as I closed his bedroom door. He'll make a great dad someday!
I was hiking with some friends
on a forest trail one day when we encountered a black bear approaching us. I told everybody, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible
Then the bear rose up on his back legs and said, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible .
Everyone was freaking out and they looked at me like what's going on?
I said, Oh, it's ok, I said it once but that bear's repeating
