Hiking Jokes
84 hiking jokes and hilarious hiking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hiking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best hiking jokes to make your next outdoor adventure even more enjoyable! Laugh, relax, and get ready to hit the trail with these hilarious jokes for campers and hikers, so you can have a great time in the forest.
Funniest Hiking Short Jokes
Short hiking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hiking humour may include short hike jokes also.
- "What do you do in your free time? " "I stalk. " "Really? I go swimming and for long hikes"
"I know.". - Why does the admiral of the navy put a destroyer everywhere his girlfriend hikes? He warships the ground she walks on.
- Why did dad divorce mom after hiking Mt. Everest? Mom got frostbite, and had toes amputated.
Dad's lack-toes-intolerant. - I made a playlist for hiking... It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my Trail Mix.. - A man hiking in the Himalayas comes across a sadhu meditating. He says the sadhu, "there is a blizzard coming aren't you going to go back to town?" The sadhu responds Nah I'ma stay
- With the recent hike in GameStop stocks... You are able to return something from GameStop and get your money back for the first time.
- Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself. When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.
- Always carry some fiber cable with you when hiking If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.
- My friend has the ability to hike the most complex of trails without getting lost. It's pathological.
- Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, Snake! Run! His companion laughs at him. Oh, relax. It's only a baby, he says. Don't you hear the rattle?
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Hiking One Liners
Which hiking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hiking? I can suggest the ones about biking and take a hike.
- I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar Almost made me puma pants
- Do you know what I call my hiking playlist? My trail mix
- How do fleas travel? They itch-hike
- What do you call a black man that's hitch hiking? Stranded.
- What is zombie's favorite hiking snack? Entrail mix
- Made a hiking playlist earlier called trail mix It has a lot of eminem in it
- When you go hiking with asthma You'll always find a breathtaking view
- What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods? Trail micks.
- My compass broke on a hiking trip. It went south very quickly.
- What does Jesus eat while on a hike? Grail mix.
- What does Judas eat when he goes hiking? Betrayal Mix.
- So I was hiking up my favorite path the other day to watch the sunset...
- You know why i love hiking? It is all about the in tents action.
- Why can't the crippled guy hike across Endor? Because Ewoks funny
- Why didn't the tea bag like hiking? It was too steep...
Hiking Trail Jokes
Here is a list of funny hiking trail jokes and even better hiking trail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a collection of songs to hike to? Trail mix.
- What do you eat when you go hiking? Trail mix
- How do hiking trails make babies? They fork!
Cheerful Fun Hiking Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about hiking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean camping jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hiking pranks.
A pastor goes hiking
as he comes around a corner on the trail he comes across a giant grizzly bear. The bear lets out a growl and is about to charge when the pastor falls on his knees and prays: "Lord, I pray that the bear would be a Christian." In an amazing miracle, the bear is converted instantly and stops where it is. It looks upwards and begins to give thanks: "Thank you Father, for the meal I am about to eat..."
Two blondes go hiking.
Two blondes go hiking and come across some tracks. The first blonde stops and says they are wolf tracks, while the second blonde says they are bear tracks. After an hour of arguing the train runs them over.
A man is hitch hiking on a highway
When a man driving a hearse pulls up, "I got room in the back if you want to hop in." The driver says.
"That's a kind offer, but no thanks." Replies the hitch hiker, "I'm not going that far today."
A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...
"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
Stock Market Report
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.
Two men are hiking in the woods.
Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"
Three Blondes
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.
1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!
2nd blonde: No, s**..., they're wolf tracks!
3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!
Then they got hit by a train.
A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps...
> A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps.
>One of them, it is said, took out a map, and after studying it for a long time exclaimed: "Now I know where we are!"
>"Where?" asked the others.
>"See that big mountain right over there? *We are right on top of it.*"
George Gamow
A boy and his dad go hiking.
"Now, son, this is bear country. If you see a bear, what do you think you should do?"
"Run."
"Run? You think you can outrun a bear?"
"No, I just have to outrun YOU."
What do you call a man of high authority, s**... out of his mind strolling along in the forest?
Hiking
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
A horse hiking in deep space.
Star Trek: Deep Space Neigh.
My friend and I were hiking
Me: "That's a huge rock over there!"
Him: "Boulder."
Me: **"That's a huge rock over there."**
The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world...
You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking.
What Do you Call a Mexican Hitch Hiking in Texas?
El Paso
did you hear about my friend? he went hiking but got is leg stuck in some branches.
he was in a pretty stick-ey situation.
Christian & The Bear
A Christian was hiking in the wilderness, he stumbles upon a bear. The bear starts chasing him! The Christian is now cornered, he gets on one knee and says "Lord, turn this bear into a Christian" the bear creeps up closer and closer, and then gets on one knee and says "Lord, thank you so much for this meal I'm about to receive"
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback.
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback when an emu walked up to them.
One of the men was thrilled to see an emu so close up. The other man was more hesitant, for he read that emus can be very aggressive and hostile.
The man started to yell at the emu, "Go away, you big, fat, s**..., flightless bird! We don't want you here!"
The other man responded, "Dude, stop ostracizing it."
The Bison.
My son and I were hiking one day when a bison charged towards him as he was taking a leak. I shouted Bison but it was already too late and he died. My wife tried to console me and said Atleast you were able to say goodbye .
A hike with my girlfriend
Once I was hiking in the woods with my girlfriend when suddenly a huge bear charged right at us. We must've gotten close to her cubs or something. Luckily, I had my 9mm p**... with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took to get away.
I think my friend is losing his mind since his wife died.
She was eaten by a bear when she was hiking.
Ever since then he's been smiling and saying "I'm not sad, I'm GLADIATOR!"
Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...
The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"
The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"
The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"
They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train hit them.
France
I bought uncomfortable hiking shoes in France, they were Toulouse
I was hiking with my buddy. Suddenly, a 10ft grizzly bear appeared out of nowhere.
The bear started to charge at both of us. Luckily, I had my 9mm p**... with me. One shot to my buddy's kneecap was all it took. I walked away at a comfortable pace.
I've been hiking all winter with my spouse's remains, but no more.
Finally dumped the last piece of the body yesterday.
Did you hear about the tie and the hat who went hiking?
The tie always liked to hang around, whilst the hat kept going on ahead.
Two men were hiking in the woods when one of the guys faint
His buddy calls 911 and says "My friend just died, what should I do?!"
The dispatcher says : " Stay calm and I am calling help right now. First we have to make sure your friend is dead." And the line suddenly becomes silent. The dispatcher continues to ask "Hello, are you still there?"
Then the guy that called 911 returns on the line and asks: " Ok, now what?"
50 blondes and a brunette went on a hiking trip
They tripped and began to fall. They managed to hold onto a rope. The rope could only hold 50 people, so they decided one of them needed to let go. The brunette decides to let go. She gave a heartbreaking speech.... All 50 blondes began clapping, needless to say, the rope could now hold 49 others
I was hiking in Alaska when I encountered a sleeping family of bears and just had to take a photo.
It was a Kodiak moment.
what do you call a bishop on a hiking trip
a roamin' catholic
I once was hiking with my younger sister, after 10 kilometers she stops and says: I can't feel my legs anymore.
So I said: So we can continue since you don't feel anything bad?
Ole came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Vere did you get da money for da bike? Dat musta cost $500," he asked.
"It was easy, Dad," little Lars replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Lars," Ole said. "Tell me da truth."
"Dat is da truth Dad!" Lars replied.
"Every night you ver gone, Sven, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $10 bill and tell me ta take a hike.
Be careful hiking...
Hiking in the Ozark National Forest last weekend, I came upon a bear, and could not remember the proper course of action. Instead of playing dead I played *dad*.
Now that bear can ride a bike without training wheels.
How do you survive a grizzly bear attack with only a .22 p**...?
Shoot your hiking partner in the leg.
I went hiking yesterday. It was ok.
It had its ups and downs.
I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...
Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.
And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.
A group of friends are hiking in the mountains, when they spot a bear running towards them...
They frantically drop everything then start running from the bear. But the bear soon catches up to the slowest friend and mauls him.
The horrified friends watch in horror as the bear feasts on their deceased mate.
Then one of them breaks into tears sobbing:
"I feel so guilty!"
"It could've been any of us, my friend. You should not feel any shame or guilt!"
"You mean... You guys would've tripped him too?"
Two men are hiking through the woods
**Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, Snake! Run! His companion laughs at him. Oh, relax. It's only a baby, he says. Don't you hear the rattle? **
Hiking
Two women are hiking in the wilds, and they arrive at a chasm over a river with an old bridge. One of the women announces she needs to pee and proceeds to drop her drawers, but before she begins, she looks down and exclaims in a startled voice, "There is a canoe below me full of moose meat!"
The other woman looks over the side of the bridge and says, "Oh silly, that's just your reflection in the water."
Three guys were hiking took a short-cut across a farmer's field, where the found a pig stuck halfway through a fence.
"I wish that was my Nancy, my girl friend" said the guy from Florida.
" I wish that was my cousin Mary-Lou" said the guy from Georgia
"I wish it was dark out" said the guy from Alabama
Traditional jokes from my childhood #3
A group of friends were hiking a mountain and were planning on having a picnic up there..
One of the friends stutters a lot on the starts of sentences... On the way up he kept saying "w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-" until they made it to the top of the mountain he was finally able to say "We forgot our food", everyone got mad and sad and started their way back down.
The joke doesn't end here... on the way down he kept saying "J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j..." until they made it to where they had parked their car he was finally able to say "Just kidding".
I went hiking in the Rockies and ran into a grizzly bear. I accidentally played dad instead of dead.
Now the bear can ride his bike without the training wheels!
Present tense of cloud?
As I was saying goodnight to my 10 year old son this evening he said:
I saw a bunch of clouds while we were out hiking today. I wonder which one holds my data...
I groaned as I closed his bedroom door. He'll make a great dad someday!
let's go backpacking
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go backpacking this weekend.
She said sure, where do you want to go?
I replied "why do we start by hiking up your dress"
A man was hiking on a mountain when a small rockslide took him towards a cliff
The man managed to grab ahold of the cliff but was barely hanging on. Not knowing what else to do he looked up towards the sky and shouted God, if you're up there, please help me!
The man heard a voice say I'm here. I will protect you, but you need to let go.
The man then shouts Is anybody else up there who can help?
I was hiking with some friends
on a forest trail one day when we encountered a black bear approaching us. I told everybody, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible
Then the bear rose up on his back legs and said, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible .
Everyone was freaking out and they looked at me like what's going on?
I said, Oh, it's ok, I said it once but that bear's repeating
A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared…..
…. readyto devour the man whole.
The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion.
The lion then drops to his knees, looks up to heavens and prays, "Dear God, bless you for this food I'm about to receive."
