Highway Jokes

132 highway jokes and hilarious highway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about highway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you're looking for some humor that will get you through the daily commute, check out our collection of highway jokes. From truckers to Potholes to the Barbara Hershey Highway, we've got all the funniest highway gags you'll ever find! Laugh away the stress of the daily drive with these hilarious highway jokes.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Highway Short Jokes

Short highway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The highway humour may include short motorway jokes also.

  1. A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway COP: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
    miner: mine
  2. Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles. I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.
  3. This morning I made my coffee using red bull instead of water... ...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...
  4. Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!
  5. I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job at the highway department But when I got home...
    All the signs were there.
  6. I once mixed Red Bull and coffee After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home
  7. Did you hear about the lego truck that crashed on the highway? Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...
  8. A truck carrying Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway, but amazingly traffic was fine. No congestion for hours!
  9. I didn't want to believe my flatmate was stealing from his job as highway maintenance ...but when I got home all the signs were there.
  10. Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway, Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

Share These Highway Jokes With Friends

Highway One Liners

Which highway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with highway? I can suggest the ones about roadside and roads.

  1. What do you get if you cross a highway with a fridge? Killed.
  2. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
  3. The ChatGPT servers must be stuck in traffic... in the internet highway!
  4. What do you get when you cross a highway with a lawnmower? Killed.
  5. Why do you never drive on a highway next to a chameleon? He might turn into you.
  6. At what age do you think it's appropriate... tell a highway it's adopted?
  7. Truck full of fruit crashes on highway... Creates jam.
  8. A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph... Some body was in a rush.
  9. I hit a frog driving down the highway Had to get my car toad
  10. I reported a hazard on the highway the other day. There was a fork in the road
  11. If you take highways to reach places, what do you use to leave places? A byeway.
  12. What happens when you're driving on a highway in California and the smoke clears? UCLA
  13. I'll tell you what keeps me up at night Those rumble strips on the highway
  14. I hit a mattress on the highway The owner pulled over and said Sorry, it was my bed.
  15. An ice cream truck flips over on the highway, what does it leave? A Rocky Road

Highway Cop Jokes

Here is a list of funny highway cop jokes and even better highway cop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Heisenberg is driving along the highway... A cop pulls him over and asks "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?".
    Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I was!".
  • Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. Cop pulled him over and says "Son, do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"
    Heisenberg said, "No, but I knew where I was"
  • An old lady was knitting & speeding down the highway. A cop pulled up alongside her vehicle & yelled, "Pull over!" She yelled back, "No, they're mittens!"
  • An old lady was speeding down the highway while she was knitting.
    A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle.
    "Pullover!" the cop says
    "No!" the woman replied, "They're mittens!"
  • What do you call 2 black California Highway bike cops? Chocolate CHIPS
  • A cop stops a German child from driving on the highway COP: How old are you? Do you speak english?
    German: Nine.
  • I got arrested for running out of gas on the highway. I told the cop I was on E.
  • A man was driving on the highway smoking m**... when a cop pulled him over and asks: "Sir, how high are you?" The man replies to the cop, "No, officer, it's 'hi, how are you?'"

Lane Highway Jokes

Here is a list of funny lane highway jokes and even better lane highway puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today on the highway driving home. Me: Ah! Come on man stay in your lane.
    My wife: I'll bet he is communist.
    Me: what? Why?
    My wife: because now it's 'our' lane.
  • I got pulled over for driving in the left lane on the highway. He said "This a passing lane only. Are you from around here?"
    I said "No I'm just passing through."
    He let me go with just a warning.
  • I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off
  • I used to write snide humor about the people pulled over in the emergency lanes on busy highways... I called it flatire.
  • What's the feminine name for the Internet Highway? e-Lane
  • Where does Jay-Z drive when he's on the highway? In the HOV lane.
Highway joke, Where does Jay-Z drive when he's on the highway?

Highway Patrol Jokes

Here is a list of funny highway patrol jokes and even better highway patrol puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an African-American California Highway Patrol Officer? A Chocolate CHiP.
  • Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
  • What did the California Highway Patrol officer say to the h**... that was pulled over for speeding? "Lick it, or ticket."

Interstate Highway Jokes

Here is a list of funny interstate highway jokes and even better interstate highway puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Scrabble game got dumped all over the interstate highway. That's the word on the street at least.
  • If my life is like a highway, I sure hope it's like an interstate Lots of opportunities to get off
  • fast roads gettin it on... fast? what is it called when a Highway, an Interstate and an Expressway get it on?
    A three way
  • My highway just became and interstate I think it's a good time to tell him he's adopted.
Highway joke, My highway just became and interstate

Unearthly Funniest Highway Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about highway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean driveway jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make highway pranks.

The state trooper is driving down the highway when...

he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."

Excuse for speeding

This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."

So a man was driving on the highway with a speed limit of 90

.. but then he noticed that all the other drivers were way above the speed limit so our guy thought "hey everybody's speeding, i cant get caught" so he goes above 110. Ten minutes later, a cop pulls him over.
Clearly upset, our guy says "But officer, i wasn't the only one speeding.. there were a bunch of others too.. why did you catch only me?"
Cop says" Ever gone fishing?"
Guy says yes,
Cop- "ever caught all the fish??"

Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the highway...

and this cop pulls him over. The cop says, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"

I just waved a $100 bill to a homeless guy on the other side of the highway

Welcome to my version of Frogger

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway...

... he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)

While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you t**... clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to s**.... When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm n**...."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.
When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her c**... and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."

I witnessed a huge accident on the highway today involving a semi truck packed full of toupees that overturned.

police are still there combing the scene.

An elderly woman is watching the local news

An elderly woman is watching the local news and hears about a madman driving the wrong direction on the highway that her husband takes home. Worrying, she calls her husband and tells him about the insane driver. The man replies, it's worse than you think! It's not just 1, there's hundreds of them!

A trucker and a blonde.

A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Hans the Norwegian

Hans was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer,
"I saw a big sign vit 66 on it."
"That's Highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.
"Goodness sakes," replied Hans, "you should have seen me yesterday on highway 110!"

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.
"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."
Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"

A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.
"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"
Moments later, another car speeds ahead.
"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"
Then once more, another car rushes ahead.
"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"
Then they reach their destination.
"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"

Man finds a Genie in a bottle

Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"

A misunderstanding

A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."


There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"

So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.
End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.
Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.
End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"
"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.

An elderly man was out on a drive...

An elderly man was out on a drive when he received a phone call from his wife.
"Honey, be careful. I just heard on the radio that one idiot out there is driving the wrong way on the highway."
To which he replied, "Are you kidding me? There are hundreds of them!"

A blonde is speeding down the highway...

When a female officer, another blonde, spots her and pulls her over. She asks the driver for her license...
Blonde driver says, "What's that?"
Blonde Officer : "Its a square with your face on it."
The blonde driver ruffles through her bag and after a few seconds produces a square make-up mirror and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer looks into the mirror and says to the driver, "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop? I woulda let you go!"

A blonde is speeding down the highway...

…and is pulled over by a blonde police officer.
Cop: You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see some ID please?
Driver: I must have left it home.
Cop: Well, do you have anything with your picture on it?
Driver: I have this!
Cop : Oh, I didn't know you were a cop. You're free to go.

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"

The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

Yesterday I got into an accident with a prius...

Yesterday I was on the highway and rear ended a prius.
We both pulled over and a dwarf gets out of the prius.
He walks up to my car and says "Hey mister, I'm not happy!"
I say "then which one are you?"

An electron is speeding down the highway when a police officer pulls him over.

The officer walks up to the car and asks, "do you know how fast you were going."
The electron replies, "Yeah, but now I'm lost."

A worried elderly lady calls her husband on his cell phone...

"Please be careful," she tells him worriedly. "I heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway."
To which he replies, "It's not just one car, it's all of them!"

A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway.

A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway. After hours of waiting, he finally sees a car speeding down the highway towards him. He clocks the car at nearly double the speed limit, quickly pulls him over and walks up to the driver.
Cop: "I've been waiting for someone like you to come around all day, boy."
Driver: "Well I'm sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"

What does your s**... life have in common with a highway bridge?

If you have weight limits you aren't going to see as much traffic.

Driving down the highway

So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"

An officer pulls over a car full of nuns...

A police officer saw a car full of nuns going much too slow for the highway they were on. He pulled them over and went up to the driver. "Why are you going so slow?" The nun that was driving then replied "That sign right there says 20." The police officer looked at the sign. "That's the highway number that you are on." "Oh, sorry officer." The police officer looked in the back seat to see three nuns that looked like they were terrified. "What's wrong with them?" the officer asked. The nun that was driving looked back at them. "We just got off of highway 190."

An electron is driving down the highway...

...and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says, Sir, do you realize that you were traveling at 670,616,629 MPH?
The electron replies, Oh great, now I'm lost.

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

Dad Joke

It was my birthday an me and my Dad were driving on the highway when we saw a terrible accident. My Dad said "This is the worst accident I've seen in 20years!"
Well yeah it was my 20th birthday.

Hey Grandma, be careful. They said on the radio someone is driving the wrong way down the highway.

"That's funny, I see hundreds of them"

A wife calls her husband driving to work

and says, "Honey be careful. There's a maniac driving on the wrong side of the road on the highway."
He responds, "One maniac? There are hundreds of them."

A guy finally buys his dream car

... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.
Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."
The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."

What's the difference between a mattress and a highway?

A baby will cry for hours if you throw it on a mattress but it stops crying pretty quickly if you throw it on a highway.

Stopped by the police

I spilled some gas on my sleeve while gassing up one day. Got back on the highway and lit up a smoke and started my sleeve on fire. I put my arm out the window but the flames did not go away. I sped up to 70 then 80 when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. The cop says "looks like I'm going to have to write you a couple of tickets " I said I know I was speeding but what else?"
"Possession of a firearm sir "

Another blonde joke...

A blonde was speeding on a highway when a policeman pulled her over.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and say "excuse me ma'am can I see your driving license and registration."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away and then today you expect me to show it to you."

A woman called her husband about what she had seen on the news.

She says, "Watch out honey! There's a madman driving on the wrong side of the highway."
The husband replies, "One? There are hundreds of them!"

A priest is pulled over for speeding...

Smelling alcohol on the priest breath and noticing a wine bottle in the passenger seat of the car, the highway patrolman asks, "father, have you been drinking?"
"just water," the priest replies.
"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?" quipped​ the patrolman.
The priest looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "good Lord he's done it again".
Edited for u/littlekiing

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.

There was an accident on the highway today.

I tried to help the victims, but there was so much blood that I felt sick and had to leave.
I'm sure they'll be okay until a different ambulance gets there.

A police officer stopped me on the highway

He told me "Papers, please".
I responded with "Scissors, I win !" and went back on my way.

A man is driving down the freeway

when his wife calls him. He picks up and asks what the matter is. She says, "I want you to be careful honey, I heard on the radio there's a lunatic barreling down the highway going the wrong way." He replies, "it's much worse than that, there's hundreds of them

[blonde] Two girls were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.

"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yes... no... yes... no...yes..."

A penguin is driving down the highway when he starts having engine problems.

He pulls into a local mechanic's and the mechanic says, Give me an hour and I'll let you know the problem. The penguin walks out and see an ice cream shop and goes in for a vanilla cone.
An hour later, he walks back to the mechanic's. The mechanic see him coming and meets him at the counter and says, It looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin wipes his mouth and says, No, no, that's just ice cream.

An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.

It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!
It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!

An electron is driving really fast...

...when a cop pulls it over.
"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" Asks the cop.
"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"
"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"
The electron thinks for a moment and says, "No."

The highway sign said, Watch for falling rocks.

And I thought, OK fine, but I only have 10 minutes.

A bus carrying a jazz band has broke down on the highway

Witnesses are reporting a massive jam

A copy pulls over an old lady driving very slowly on the highway...

...and sees three other old ladies in the car, all of whom are terrified.
Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving 35 miles per hour on the highway.
Old Lady: Well, that's because the speed limit is 35.
Cop: No, this is HIGHWAY 35. The speed limit is 65. By the way, why are these other three women looking so terrified?
Old Lady: Ohhh, that's because we just got off of highway 145.

A buck wearing a robe and clutching a bible was found dead near a rural highway...

The person who found the animal exclaimed "Deer Lord" upon its discovery.

I got a bit bored on a long highway drive and started scrolling through the various voice choices on my GPS.

There was a USA accent, a French accent and even an Australian accent. Then I noticed "Wife mode". So I selected it, and nothing seemed to happen, until about 10 miles later the GPS said,
"So, if I died, would you get a new GPS?""

It's 3 in the morning and an elderly Jewish man is flying down the highway at 105 mph. A state trooper pulls him over.

"Where in the h**... are you racing to at this hour?"
"To a lecture, officer."
"Who gives a lecture at 3 a.m.?"
"My wife."

Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway

The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"
Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."
The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"
• ⁠
Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."

Found this one in my 2014 meme stash

A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding

Officer, "May I see your licence?
Lady, "What does it look like?"
Officer, "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it."
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says, "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.

A truck overturned on the highway...

...And it was carrying a load of Vick's Vaporub.
There was no congestion for up to 8 hours.

I couldn't believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

A couple is driving on a highway

A couple is driving on a highway when she says, I want a divorce. The man doesn't say anything, except speeds up the car.
I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you. The man doesn't say anything except speeds up to he car.
I want the house, the bank account, kids, and the dog. The man doesn't say anything excepts speeds up the car.
She says, Are you listening to me? Don't you want anything?
The man replies, No, I have everything I need.
Oh? And what's that?
Right before the car rams into a wall, he says, The airbag.

That "Born to Be Wild" song is actually pretty scary.

Especially the part where they find a head out on the highway.

A blonde driver and a blonde cop....

A blonde woman is speeding down the highway and gets pulled over by a blonde cop, the cop goes up to the blonde's window and says "I need to see your license ma'am." The driver says she doesn't know what that is and the lady officer says "It's that little thing in your purse with your face in it." The driver pulls out her compact mirror and holds it up to the cop, "You mean this?" The blonde cop looks at the mirror and says, "I'm so sorry ma'am, I didn't know you were a cop, have a nice day."

"Honey, be careful while driving on the highway" I told my wife on call...

"The news says that a there's a person speeding on the wrong side of the highway"
"One person!?" She replied, incredulously,
"These idiots are in hundreds"

A blonde was driving down the highway and noticed another blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field

She pulled over to the side of the road and yelled,
It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name!
And continued, you're lucky I can't swim, or I'd come over there and kick your a**...!

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

The convoy trucks are leaving Ottawa.

They're on the Highway to Hull.

(Canadians will get this joke)

Highway joke, The convoy trucks are leaving Ottawa.

jokes about highway