Higher Than Jokes
95 higher than jokes and hilarious higher than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about higher than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Higher Than Short Jokes
Short higher than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The higher than humour may include short superior jokes also.
- Bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly
- What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get
- My caller id said "private caller", so I ignored it. I only pick up if it says "lieutenant caller" or higher.
- None of my european electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God. Turns out they just needed a higher power.
- Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy. Alcohol sales have never been higher.
- Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.
- My brother and I made a $50 bet on who could throw meat the furthest into the air I guess you could say the steaks have never been higher.
- Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher.
- Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA? The Make-A-Wish foundation.
- As the plane took off, the pilot turned to the co-pilot and said, Have you ever flown solo? Co-pilot: No. Typically I fly much higher than this.
Share These Higher Than Jokes With Friends
Higher Than One Liners
Which higher than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with higher than? I can suggest the ones about stronger than and lower than.
- How do you jump higher on a water bed? You fill it with spring water.
- How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
- why dont atheists solve exponential equations ? they dont believe in higher powers.
- I'm so dumb and out of shape My resting heart rate is higher than my IQ
- Why did the Atheist fail algebra? He didn't believe in higher powers.
- Why are atheists bad at exponents? Because they don't believe in a higher power.
- Not to brag, but I recently aced the drug test at work. Nobody got higher than me.
- What kind of dog can jump higher than a building? Any kind. Buildings can't jump.
- Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all....
- Why do Hippies do so well at University??? They are all about "Higher" education man!!!
- Why can't Penguins jump higher ? Where they live , they have shorter springs !
- A frog jumped higher than a building... ...because buildings can't jump.
- Why is Valve so much better than EA and Ubisoft? They have a higher Self Esteam.
- Why are people on higher floors funnier? They have a type of elevated humor
- Why does higher workout frequency mean more injuries? Frequency is measured in hurts
Higher Than Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about higher than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bigger than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make higher than pranks.
2 Trump Supporters go to heaven
St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."
I bet a guy $50 that I could jump higher than a house.
So we went outside and stood by a house. Mustering all my strength, I managed to jump about 18 inches off the ground.
"Ha! Is that as high as you can jump?"
"Hold on, let's see how high the house jumps."
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."
The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump
An anti-vaxxer passes away...
...and finds herself in heaven. God himself greets her, shows her around and asks if she has any questions.
She says "Not about heaven, but was I right about vaccines?"
God laughed and said "No, vaccines are perfectly safe and should be administered to everyone".
The woman just can't believe it. She's absolutely distraught, until it finally dawns on her: this conspiracy must go even higher than I thought!"
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.
They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.
The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.
They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic t**... group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."
The vaccine conspiracy
Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"
Did you know cats can jump higher than a house?
This is largely due to the cats powerful hind legs and the fact houses cant jump.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course the Empire State Building can't jump
Ferdinand the Bull was on one side of a fence
Elsie the cow was on the other. She winked at Ferdinand. Ferdinand snorted and jump over the fence.
"I'm Elsie the cow. You must be Ferdinand the Bull."
"Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was higher than I thought."
TIL lions can jump higher than houses
This is due to the fact that houses are not able to jump
Studies have shown that a deer can jump higher than an average house.
This is because deer are agile animals and also due to the fact that a house cannot jump.
There were two Qanon believers who were absolutely convinced that Trump won the 2020 election
They were traveling together and were killed in a traffic accident. When they got to heaven, God met them and told them that he'd reveal anything about Earthly life they'd always wanted to know. They asked him how Biden stole the 2020 election. God looked kindly upon them and said, Biden didn't steal the 2020 election. He won fairly.
The first one looked at the second and said, This goes higher than we thought!
How can a flea jump higher than the Empire State Building?
The Empire State Building can't jump.
The Job Interview
Three equally qualified applicants apply for a job. The interviewer decides to test their powers of observation.
He asks all three of them the same question. Look at me closely and tell me what you notice.
Applicant 1: If you don't mind me saying, one of your ears is higher than the other.
Well done!
Applicant 2: Are your ears uneven?
Yes, well done!
Applicant 3: Are you wearing contact lenses?
How'd you know that?
Well, you'd never wear glasses with ears like that.
What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and Boris Johnson?
One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.
I have a friend who can jump higher than an average house.
He's really tall, and also an average house can't really jump.
Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...
At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"
Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machines weren't hacked. The hand recounts were accurate. Just go into Heaven, you're already ticking me off!"
As they walk through the gates Babbitt and Greeson look at each other and say, "this goes up a lot higher than we thought."
I can jump higher than the empire state building
I rely on the fact that the building can't jump.
Did you know that some kangaroos can jump higher than most mountains?
Because mountains can't jump
1 Easy Trick to Jump Higher Than a Skyscraper!
Just jump. Skyscrapers can't jump.
What is Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd album?
Dark side of the Moon, for it's eclectic instrumentation and higher than average production values.
There is an isolated indigenous tribe that lives in the Amazon.
What's interesting about them is that in their language they only have words for numbers 1 and 2, and every number higher than 2 is just 'many'. You have 3 kids? You have many kids, You caught 20 fish? You caught many fish.
I guess trying to come up with words for three numbers was just one too many.
Your chances of meeting a unicorn are extremely low.
But they are still higher than the chance of you getting a girlfriend/boyfriend
When I go into a drug store, the pharmacist is usually high.
Why are many drug stores constructed with the area behind the counter a few steps higher than the rest of the store?
Can rabbit jump higher than a sky scraper?
Of course, a sky scraper can't jump...
Whats the good thing about living in Houston?
Property values are gonna be higher than Miami on Monday.
The mountain gazelle is said to have the ability to jump higher than the average house
Considering houses don't jump
inspired by the girl who was surprised after drawing her eyebrows too high
I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused
My dad claimed he could jump higher than a 7 foot fence.
Of course he was right though, Fences can't jump at all!
What can jump higher than a 57 story building?
Everything. Buildings can't jump.
The average fox can jump higher than a house.
This is in part due to their powerful hind legs, but mainly because houses can't jump.
Cr
Why is the rate of unemployed black people higher than in the 20th century?
Because synthetic cotton is more popular.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kids Argue who's dad is tallest!
Three kids showing off whos dad is tallest,
Kid 1 : my dad is as tall as empire state building.
Kid 2 : oh yeah? Well my dad is taller than the sky, even higher than the moon.
Kid 3: oh yeah? Does your dad reach and touch the planets up there?
Kid 2 : yeah of course
Kid 3: those are my dads b**....
A tiger can jump higher than a three story building.
Tigers have fast twitch muscles in their backs and legs, and buildings cannot jump.
There's a new grillhouse in new York that's opening up a restaurant at the top of a skyscraper, though there are fears it could be unsuccessful
The steaks will be higher than ever!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
NJ Gov Elect Phil Murphy says he's going to legalize m**... in his first 100 days. What's going to be higher than NJ residents?
Their taxes.
You are so tall in my eyes that they can't rise higher than your waist.
Every party should start with the Queen to take a dump.
The royal flush is higher than the full house.
What do all programmers have in common?
They never had a grade higher than C++
I just found out my dog can jump higher than a house.
Turns out, houses can't actually jump.
TIL there are some breeds of horses that can jump higher than a house.
Well, of course, houses can't jump, sooo...
How do you know that the iPhone XR is a bad deal?
The price is higher than the resolution.
A frog can leap higher than a house
..partly because of the strength of its hind legs, but also because houses have difficulty jumping at all.
Did you know that, in his prime, Michael Jordan could jump higher than an average house?
The average house cannot jump nor does it have legs.
What animal can jump higher than the WTC?
Every animal, the WTC can't jump.
Who can jump higher than a Pyramid?
Everyone. Because a Pyramid can't jump.
I feel like American IQ is like Fahrenheit.
The number is way higher than it should be.
The average person can jump higher than a tree
Trees don't jump
It is possible for a horse to jump higher than a house?
Od course it is! From my experience, houses can't jump very high.
The say the job market isn't good for an English Major...
...but hey, at least you're still higher than a captain.
A Sine wave, a Cos wave and a Tan wave are speaking...
The Sine wave asks the others how many beers they can drink.
The Tan wave replies, "I can drink any amount and still be fine".
The Cos wave, on the other hand, says it hasn't gotten any higher than one.
There is only one award higher than the medal of Honor: The Chuck Norris Medal of Roundhouse.
No mortal man has ever earned it.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other?
Isaiah.
An anti vaxxer dies...
An anti vaxxer died, and to her surprise found herself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told her he would be happy to answer any questions the woman might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time. So of course the woman said - "Was I right? Are vaccines a huge conspiracy after all?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The woman shook her head in disbelief, shaken to her very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, crossbars can't jump.
Did you know Monkeys can jump higher than a house?
Well obviously! Houses can't jump!
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"
St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
I can't go higher than the seventh floor in a building.
I have a fear of eights
Dead duck
An old lady has a sick pet duck that she loves dearly, but she's broke so she takes him to a cheap veterinary clinic. The vet doc says your duck is dying there's nothing we can do. Devastated she pleads for him to try anything, so he says he'll be right back. He walks back in with a Labrador by his side, the dog places one paw on the duck, nothing. Vet doc says OK one moment. Leaves comes back with a cat, cat places one paw on the duck, nothing. The vet doc then tells the lady that's all he can do but her duck is still dying. Defeated and broken she leaves, upon receiving the bill on the way out its three times higher than she expected hud. She ask the secretary why and she says "it says here you requested additional LAB work and a CAT scan"
What value is higher than infinity?
Infinity plus 1.
I'm sorry.
This is heaven
A Muslim dies and finds himself before the pearly Gates. He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohammed?', he asks. 'No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.' And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed? 'No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?' 'No, I am Jesus...You will find Mohammed higher up.'
Mohammed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps, as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing. 'No, my son. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?'
'Yes, please, my Lord'
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out: ' Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!'
Why could Darren jump higher than Zeus?
because he was mortall.
My favorite racist joke is more funny than it is offensive -
On the elementary school playground, there was a group of boys that liked to play basketball. Tyrone, a fourth grader, was the only black boy in the school, and far outperformed his peers in most athletic contests. He could run faster and jump higher than any other student at the school. He could easily outrun and out jump even the fastest and tallest fifth and sixth grade boys. When they played basketball, Tyrone's team could only play three players at a time to be fair, and he was still always picked first.
"You're the best at basketball because you're black, Tyrone," the other boys would say. Tyrone would wonder about this. His mama always told him not to think he was any different than any of those white boys. Being black didn't mean he was any better or any worse than anyone else. But he was obviously better at basketball than any of the white kids at his elementary school, so what else could it be?
Tyrone got home from school one day and asked his mama, "Mama, I can jump higher and run faster than any of the other kids at the school. Even the fifth and sixth graders. Is it a 'cause I'm black?"
"Naw," Mama said, "you's the fastest runner and highest jumper 'coz you's the only one who's twenty two."
A muslim in Heaven
A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus... You will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.
Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
"No my son.....I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"
"Yes, please, my Lord."
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:
"Hey Mohammed, two coffee !!!!"
A musician joke
So little Johnny runs up to his mother and yells "Mommy! Mommy! I could count higher than anyone in my class at school today! Everyone else could only get to 10, but I could count all the way to 12!"
And little Johnny's mother replied, "That's because you are a violinist".
The next day, Little Johnny runs up to his mother and yells "Mommy! Mommy! I can read more letters in the alphabet then the rest of my class! Most of the children could read only up to 'E' but I got all the way up to 'G'!"
And little Johnny's mother replied "That's because you are a violinist."
The next day, little Johnny ran up to his mother and yelled "Mommy! Mommy! I'm the tallest in my class. Everyone got measured and I was the tallest out of all of them. Is it because I'm a violinist?"
And his mother looked him straight in the eye and said, "No honey, it isn't because you are a violinist. It's because you are 26."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're a r**... if:
-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
-Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?"
-You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear."
-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
-You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital.
-Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a guy Who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher.
Then, the bear climbed down and went away.
So the guy starts to climb down the tree.
Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him.
The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first.
But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him.
Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again.
Suddenly, the two bears return.
But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.
Each bear was carrying a b**....