High School Jokes
163 high school jokes and hilarious high school puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about high school that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest High School Short Jokes
Short high school jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The high school humour may include short middle school jokes also.
- Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
- In high school some kids told me they'd give me $20 to hang out with them. Turns out it was just clique bait.
- Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
- TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
- When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class. Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
- I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
- Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school? They don't want to see integration in their schools
- Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me... ... She said no both times.
- Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam? Because she literally can't even.
- Why did Arkansas raise the legal drinking age to 32? To keep alcohol out of the high schools.
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High School One Liners
Which high school one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with high school? I can suggest the ones about school college and grade school.
- What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
- It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.
- We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes. We never made it to a gig.
- What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport? Cross country
- I was voted Least likely to succeed by my High School class. I hate my teaching job.
- Why can't fish pass high school? They're all below C level.
- What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student? An essay.
- In high school I was voted Most Likely to Lie About Past Accomplishments. It's true...
- What did the pop can become when it finished high school? A graduated cylinder.
- I ran into my high school bully yesterday Unfortunately he was wearing his seatbelt
- I took a programming class in high school I got a C++
- Why didn't kids make fun of argon in high school? They never got a reaction out of him.
- Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school? He didn't have to learn Shakespeare
- What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school? A high mark.
- Why would I go to a high school reunion? I have Facebook, I already know who got fat.
High School Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny high school teacher jokes and even better high school teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds I have my first shift on Monday.
- In high school, I presented a project on communism I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.
- I asked a high school teacher "What do you teach?" He said... Idiots
- I had a teacher in high school, Ms Turtle. She tortoise well.
- The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- I got a C- for my high school sewing project. The teacher's only comment was.... Seams reasonable.
- High school laffs In high school once our history teacher asked who bombed pearl harbor, a Japanese kid raised his hand and the teacher said; correct!
- Did you know that all high school math teachers are lonely? You can tell by them always asking you to find the X
- What is the favorite liquor of every high school English teacher? Tequila Mockingbird
- What do you call a hot high school math teacher? Expansion of minors
High School Graduation Jokes
Here is a list of funny high school graduation jokes and even better high school graduation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
- Son, as a reward for graduating high-school at the top of your class, we've decided to pool or money and send you abroad! Son: Is she hot?
- You have to wonder about a country where the bombs ... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.
(quote by
Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame) - Why don't farts graduate high school? Because they always get expelled.
- Post Grad Plans When my son graduated high school, he wanted to open up a dispensary, but i wanted him to become a doctor. When it came time to choose I told him: "It's my way, or the highway.
- I finally just slept with my high school crush. Now she expects me to go to her graduation.
- Name your newborn Cylinder so the day he finishes high school he'd become a Graduated Cylinder
- As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls." I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
- A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions. It might be an outdated study though.
- Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
High School Math Jokes
Here is a list of funny high school math jokes and even better high school math puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Math is easy! If there is one thing I learned in High school it's that, relationships are like algebra, you look at your X and wonder Y.
- I was in the debate team in high school. My best debate was about math. People still say I was the best math debater.
- Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math.
- 1600 out of 2000 high school seniors flunked their math exam in my city. That's almost half!
- In high school math class ... I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the "designated deriver".
- My High School math teacher passed everybody. He gave no F's.
- What happens when a university math professor and a high school math teacher get it on? Calculust
- What high-school has taught me? Science, English, Maths and a few other words.
- A High School Math Question If an object traveling at 650 miles per hour encounters resistance and slows to 0 miles per hour within 2 seconds, for how long will it take the North Tower to fall?
- Math Loving High School Girls
High School Reunion Jokes
Here is a list of funny high school reunion jokes and even better high school reunion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a hockey game and a high school reunion? At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
- I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.
- What do you call a metal band that only plays at high school reunions? The Alum-inums
Hilarious Fun High School Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about high school you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean public school jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make high school pranks.
Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
My wife asked me whether I experimented with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.
I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.
A high school senior visits a psychic...
"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."
Not to brag, but I did a lot of experiments with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days
They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".
Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".
Two scientists walk into a bar
I'll have H20 says the 1st.
I'll have H20, too says the 2nd.
The bartender doesn't have a clue what they want because he flunked out of high school, and started working at a bar.
My friends and I experimented with s**... in high school...
I was the control group
My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table
At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....
I like how the girl that called me a loser in high school is now blowing up my phone
She sends me things like what are your plans for dinner and Your dad and I are going out for dinner there's food in the fridge
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
The Deadliest Job in WW2
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone?
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I was the cook.
My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....
....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.
A man visits his 70th class reunion
He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."
They say the average high school prom goer now spends $1000 on prom
Or $2000 if you count the abortion.
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-a**... jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"
As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having s**... with kids, m**... being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.
Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.
Why did Shakespeare have a great time in secondary/high school?
He didn't have to read shakespeare.
My high school guidance counselor told me I'd never become anything as an adult.
Jokes on her. I became miserable!
When we were in high school,
my girlfriend and I were making out on her parents' couch in the basement. She whispered in my ear, Do you want to take this upstairs?
Somewhat surprised, I answered, Sure, you grab one end and I'll grab the other—this thing weighs a ton.
Never saw her again.
Good Polish Joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish v**.... As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish v**.... Since
I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from l**... Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."
I had a Muslim kid in my high school and he was notorious for being late
So we called him 9/12
Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....
Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.
Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom..
Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how succesful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a cardealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.
Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other 3 guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are
Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gay stripper
Guy 2: You must be so dissappointed with what he's done with his life
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a caste from his three boyfriends.
My high school guidance counselor told me I'll always be useless
So I became a guidance counselor.
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...
Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"
"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.
"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."
"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"
The two men drink to their hometown.
"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.
"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."
"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.
A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"
"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."
Two guys meet up at a high school reunion
They start talking about people from their past.
"Hey, remember that flat chested girl Sam?"
"Oh yea, how she doing?"
"I just saw her like 15 minutes ago and now she's like this" - He holds his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled in.
"Oh, she got breast e**...?"
"No, she's got severe arthritis"
What's the difference between a Scotsman and a high school jock?
One has a strong accent, and the other has a strong Axe scent.
Selling Condoms
An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the c**... display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.
The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.
So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"
The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."
High school was really n**... for me. I got bullied a lot, got called names. The school eventually had to call my mom.
She just said "he's my son I'll call him whatever I want"
When I was in high school, I was part of the French club.
We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the German club.
Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
Classroom Nerd
(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that F@#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a p**...
My wife's high school reunion
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
I defeated our local chess champion in less than three moves ...
Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II...
Since my grandfather had served during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?"
He got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook."
A teacher I had in high school told me this one. It may better when told out loud rather than read, but it's still funny.
A guy wearing nothing but plastic wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office.
The psychiatrist looks at the man and says,
"Well, I can clearly see your nuts"
If all the girls who went to my high school prom were laid end to end...
It wouldn't surprise me at all.
I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school...
But there weren't enough members.
All of my friends are jealous when they find out I hooked up with my math teacher in high school
But honestly, being homeschooled s**....
A man was walking with his three year old daughter.
As they were walking, the man bumped into one of his high school friends.
'I've not seen you in ages! And this is my daughter Beth!'
"And what's Beth short for?'
'She's only three.'
True t**... is to wake up one morning and discover
that your high school class is running the country.
Busted!
A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.
They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and he let the other one off.
Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
My uncle swore to me that if i wanted to attract girls, I mean REALLY draw in the chicks, I should roll up a sock and put it in my pants.
I did this at a high school dance, and I when I got home, he asked me if I tried it and did it work. I told him it did not help at all, and only made things worse. He looked down and said, Well you were supposed to put it in the FRONT!
I was homeschooled growing up but I don't like to tell people that.
What I do like to tell people is that I had a teacher in high school that used to let me put her n**... in my mouth.
I got in trouble during high school for m**... in the showers.
Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
This high school guys was born without one of his eyes.
He was given a wooden eye as a prosthetic. His whole life he has been self concious about his wooden eye.
Eventually senior prom rolls around and he want to take someone out.
He sees a girls with a hair-lip. Thinking that she may also be self concious about her malformity, he thinks he may have a chance with her.
He approaches her and nervously asks
"Would you like to go to the prom with me?"
She turns to him and excitedly says
"Oh would I, would I!"
He is shocked and responds
"Hair-lip hair-lip"
At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...
So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.
When I was in high school I wished that could be invisible so that I could sneak in the girls locker room.
Now I'm married And a beautiful woman takes her clothes off in front me and pretends I'm invisible every day!
Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.
Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"
"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"
Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
20 years ago I asked my high school love out to Prom, today I ask her to marry me...
Both times she said no.
When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik