High School Graduation Jokes
49 high school graduation jokes and hilarious high school graduation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about high school graduation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
- Short High School Graduation Jokes
- High School Graduation One Liners
- More High School Graduation Jokes
Funniest High School Graduation Short Jokes
Short high school graduation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The high school graduation humour may include short college graduation jokes also.
- Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
- Son, as a reward for graduating high-school at the top of your class, we've decided to pool or money and send you abroad! Son: Is she hot?
- You have to wonder about a country where the bombs ... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.
(quote by
Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame) - Post Grad Plans When my son graduated high school, he wanted to open up a dispensary, but i wanted him to become a doctor. When it came time to choose I told him: "It's my way, or the highway.
- I finally just slept with my high school crush. Now she expects me to go to her graduation.
- Name your newborn Cylinder so the day he finishes high school he'd become a Graduated Cylinder
- As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls." I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
- A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions. It might be an outdated study though.
- Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
- What do you want to be when you graduate high school? "No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer
Share These High School Graduation Jokes With Friends
High School Graduation One Liners
Which high school graduation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with high school graduation? I can suggest the ones about graduation and high school.
- What did the pop can become when it finished high school? A graduated cylinder.
- Why don't farts graduate high school? Because they always get expelled.
- To all those who said I would never graduate high school... You were right. #classof2020
- What do you call graduating from an American High school in 2018? Dodging a bullet
- My dad is marrying his high school sweetheart next year. That's when she graduates.
- Why don't a lot of cows go to college? Not a lot of them graduate high school.
- I graduated from a Jewish high school It included Pomp and Circumcision.
- A paraplegic high school senior can graduate... ...but can't walk with their class.
- What do you call a tin can that's done with High School? A graduated cylinder!
Rib-Tickling High School Graduation Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about high school graduation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean high school prom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make high school graduation pranks.
Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
Good Polish Joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish v**.... As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish v**.... Since
I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from l**... Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."
High School Reunion
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkle-faced, fat, gray-haired, old man asked me:
"What did you teach?"
Got this one in a forward from my dad - I did not see that one coming.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD..
WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
s**...
ASKED
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?
Uncle just told me this one.
There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"
The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh, I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66. How bout you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too." "Where'd you go to college?" "Beloit, in Wisconsin." "No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this..."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you wont believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Johnson twins are drunk again."
After her divorce, Jenny moved back to her home town, hoping to start afresh...
After her divorce, Jenny moved back to her home town, hoping to start afresh.
A few weeks later, while making a dental appointment, she recognized the name as that of a good looking boy from high school, 20 years ago. But when Jenny walked into the dentist's clinic, she realized it must be someone else: the dentist was bald, had a big beer belly and looked old. Just to be sure, Jenny asked if he had graduated from that particular high school.
"Yeah," said the dentist. "I graduated in 91." "Oh, you were in my class!" said an excited Jenny. "Really?" he said, "That's interesting. "What did you teach?"
Topical Jokes for 6/11
In California, a ten-year-old boy has graduated from high school. And in Florida, a ten-year-old girl has dropped out of school because she's pregnant.
…the boy has already sent out a college application, which was written in magic marker, on the back of a Fruit Roll Up.
Casey Kasem's family has decided to take him off of life support. They made the decision after Kasem's brain activity shot to the bottom of the charts.
Starbucks has announced their new tables will wirelessly charge phones placed on them. *Annnd* electrocute sleeping homeless people.
The old dentist
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he beamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?"
At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...
So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.
A father and her disappointing daughter
So there's a girl, who just graduated from High School as an honors student but just a few A's away from making Valedictorian. After her graduation, her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
The girl goes to medical school. Once again, she graduates near the top of her class but isn't the top of her class. The father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
The girl was nominated for a big promotion in her hospital but was just a few marks away from securing it. Her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
Years pass. The woman has grown to hate her father. One day, she receives a letter saying her father had passed away. Forgetting all of her hate, she gets on the next flight to her mother's home.
As soon as she arrives, her mother hands her a letter detailing one final request from her father.
"At my f**..., I would like to have my daughter lower my body into my grave so she can let me down one more time."
The MotherSuperior almost had a s**... ...
The Mother Superior was congratulating the girls in the current graduating class of the all girls parochial high school, and as she shook hands with each graduate, she asked her what she was going to become.
So Mary Teresa said a secretary, and Agnes said a homemaker, etc.
But when she got to Barbara Cecilia, Barbara Cecilia said "a p**...".
Well, the Mother Superior turned white as a sheet and said, "What did you say, Barbara Cecilia?"
And Barbara Cecilia repeated, "A p**..., Mother Superior."
Whereupon the Mother Superior said, "Oh, thank goodness - I thought you said 'a Protestant'!"
What did Ferris Bueller do after he graduated high school?
He went to Europe to study a-Broderick
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.....
I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary's high school.
"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1989. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, gray-haired, decrepit, s**..., asked,
"What did you teach" ?
When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....
....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.
Graduation unlike before
2 Asian kids graduated from High School. The school had never witnessed this phenomena, but both of them were #1 in their class. Long story short the parents couldn't be happier....it was a Nguyen, Nguyen for them.
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18, and I could just have his motorcycle.
"What do I have to do to graduate high school?"
"Who", the principal corrected as he unzipped his pants.
This year, instead of Congrats! , we should be telling High School graduates...
Thank you for your service
Segura's favorite Jeselnik
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle.
But my mom said no.
See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18.
And I could just have his motorcycle.
- Anthony Jeselnik
(Segura asked him to tell this one on Your Mom's House, and he did.)
A woman goes to a new dentist for the first time.
When she sees his name on the diploma, she thinks she must've gone to high school with this guy. Then she sees him and thinks it couldn't possibly be the same guy. This overweight, balding guy with wrinkles on his face and tobacco stains down the front of his shirt. But she sits in the big chair and asks him where he went to high school and when he graduated. He tells her.
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, I think we were in school together."
"Really? What did you...uh...what did you teach?"
