High Prices Jokes

44 high prices jokes and hilarious high prices puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about high prices that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest High Prices Short Jokes

Short high prices jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The high prices humour may include short expensive jokes also.

  1. Steel producers are grappling with the high price of iron... ...they say it's a terrible ore deal.
    (An ore-ful joke, I know.)
  2. I almost bought a huge library out of old computer programming books... ...but the ascii price was way too high.
  3. Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime... Balloon prices are going to go sky high.
  4. The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a little high for me, but my offer was too low for him. In the end we split the deferens.
  5. They threw me out of the cinema today... They threw me out of the cinema today for bringing my own food. But come on – the prices are way too high, plus I haven't had a barbecue in months.  
  6. A new restaurant opened in space! Mixed reviews so far. The food is over the moon, but prices are sky high and there's no atmosphere at all.
  7. you have heard "A pint is a pound" ... .. and that is a seriously high petrol price.
    I know. It's not that good. Nor even that funny.
    But it's coming. Happy Halloween.
  8. How much will you pay for Sanity. No! Sanity is always priced too high... I'll rather go without.
  9. Why are Male Prostitutes' more expensive than Female Prostitutes'? The Price of wood is so d**... high.....
  10. Gas prices are so high these days I used v**... in my lawnmower, ... now my grass is half cut.

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High Prices One Liners

Which high prices one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with high prices? I can suggest the ones about overpriced and high people.

  1. Gas prices are so high... That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
  2. The price of paper is getting so high! At this rate my origami business is going to fold
  3. Hear about the Jewish Game show? The Price is too high!
  4. The high prices in the stores are like a cheap circumcision... A rip-off
  5. Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices.
    His vehicles run on fear.
  6. I know a store that sells tennis equipment at ridiculously high prices. What a racket!
  7. Plane tickets prices' are increasing By 2020, it'll be "sky high".
  8. I hear auswitz is a good place to live, but... ...the gas prices are a bit high.
  9. Why don't stoners shop at Wal-Mart? Their prices aren't high.
  10. People should stop smoking w**.... The price is high.

High Prices Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about high prices you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean expensive gas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make high prices pranks.

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

A man from out of town walks into a bar...

he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.

There was a Jewish businessman

There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."

A young lady sitting alone in a restaurant when maitre'd approaches with a presentable looking gentlemen

\- I am sorry. We are overbooked, but i see you have a sit available at your table. Would you mind if this gentlemen shares a table with you?
She agrees. And before taking his sit the gentlemen introduces himself.
\- Hello, My name is John Smith. I am a politician, but I want to let you know that I am a honest person.
She says:
\- It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Natasha, I am a high-priced p**..., but i want to let you know that i am a v**....

Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.

"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."
Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"
"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."
"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"

A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...

but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!"

"Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist.

"Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."

A cannibal was walking through the jungle

and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry,he sat down and looked over the menu.
*Grilled Tourist: $5.00
*Broiled m**...: $10.00
*Fried Explorer: $15.00
*Baked Politician: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and
asked, "Why such a high price for
politicians?" The cook replied, "Have you
ever tried to clean one? They are so full of
s**... that it takes all day!"

A cannibal attends a restaurant ran by another cannibal

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and browsed the menu:
\*Grilled Tourist $5.00
\*Broiled m**... $10.00
\*Fried Explorer $15.00
\*Diced Marine $20.00
\*Baked Politician $1000.00
The cannibal called a waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for politicians?"
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of s**... that it takes all day!"

Lawyer Riddle

A high priced lawyer, a low priced lawyer and the tooth fairy are sitting at a table. There is a $20 bill in the middle of the table. All of a sudden, the lights in the room go off. When they come back on, the $20 bill is gone. Who took it?
The high priced lawyer, because the low priced lawyer and the tooth fairy are figments of your imagination.

Flash Sale!

With gas prices being so high, and inflation rising at such an alarming rate, I have no choice but to shamefully sell my n**....
$1 to receive one
$50 to NOT receive one

To deal with the high price of petroleum, public transport systems are looking at alternative fuels, including grasses and herbs.

The program has had some failures, but on the bright side at least the trains run on thyme.

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer

It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.
I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.
She's still laughing.

Learn Chinese in five minutes joke

It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
See me A.S.A.P. - k**... Hia Nao
s**... Man - Dum g**...
Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
Your price is too high!! - No Bai De Thing!!
Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
That was an unauthorized execution - Lin Ching
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? - Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
Please, stay a while longer. - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week. - Wai Yu k**... Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei k**...
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
That’s not right - Sum Ting Wong