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High People Jokes

135 high people jokes and hilarious high people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about high people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest High People Short Jokes

Short high people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The high people humour may include short high ranking jokes also.

  1. I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
  2. I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
  3. Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
  4. Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work. It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
  5. I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint. He is now high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
  6. Doctor of death! Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that's too high for a dentist.
  7. So Betsy DeVos resigned... I guess some people were starting to pressure her to invoke the 25th amendment and she got scared because she can't count that high.
  8. Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism? Apparently it's because of the unusually high mercury content.
  9. If you lose one senses, your other senses become stronger. That's why people without a sense of humour have such a high sense of self importance
  10. I did really well on my essay about communism. People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

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High People One Liners

Which high people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with high people? I can suggest the ones about high class and rich people.

  1. Why can't short people cook? Because the steaks are too high.
  2. What drug do French people use to get high? Oui'd
  3. Some people say Ketamine is just for animals... They need to get off their high horses.
  4. What is JPA? Joke point average. Where do people with high JPAs go to? Hahaharvard
  5. Why is helium the most respected element? People speak very highly of it
  6. People who drug their farm animals should get off their high horse.
  7. Why won't Logan Paul high five Ricegum? He likes leaving asian people hanging
  8. Some people just need a high five In the face.
    With a chair.
  9. Why are black people afraid of high fives? They don't want to be left hanging
  10. Drunk people run stop signs... ... people who are high, stop and wait for them to change.
  11. Why do Short people like drugs? Because they get them high
  12. I just joined the mile-high club. Very few people are that skilled on a trampoline.
  13. Sometimes some people deserve a good high five, in the face, with a chair.
  14. If netherlands means "low countries" Then why are the people there so high?
  15. Why were some people living in the 80s so healthy? Because they had good high jeans

Amusing High People Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about high people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean high ground jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make high people pranks.

Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs?"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the s**... of two."

The Ballerina

This n**..., sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and the woman c**... it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Don't forget capital letters...

In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse."

Some people think that the way to a Mans Heart is through his Stomach...

...I think they're aiming a little high.

s**...' and 'Love' ....;)

At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words s**...' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical s**... with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love s**....

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
 
 
 
 
 
                        1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
 
 
 
                        2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT-    USE THE SINK.
 
 
 
                        3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
 
 
 
                        4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
 
 
 
                        5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
 
 
 
                        6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE.    IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL.     IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
 
 
 
                        7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
 
 
 
                        DAILY THOUGHT:
 
 
 
                        SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

High Spirits

When people are happy, they are in high spirits. When they are not, they are high on spirits.

Why can't anxious people walk on tight ropes?

Because they're too high-strung.
Corny I know, but I wrote it myself and had to put it out there.

Two disabled people at a school dance.

A man with a fake eye made of wood is at his high school dance. He is the only disabled person other than a woman with a prosthetic leg. They've had a thing for each other for a while now, so he asks her the question.
Boy: Would you like to dance?
Girl: Oh, Wouldn' I!?
Boy: PEG LEG! PEG LEG! PEG LEG!

Smarter Generation

"The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. ""Your hard drive crashed,"" he said.
I called the computer services office and explained, ""My computer is down. The hard drive crashed.""
""We can't just send people down on your say-so. How do you know that's the problem?""
""A student told me,"" I answered.
""We'll send someone over right away."""

I teach High School Machine Tool and Die, and was quite impressed with a students response to another student passing gas.

I walked into the room and asked who passed gas. After a bit of blaming each other one student said "Who ever it was should apologize to Ben."
I asked "why is that".
He said "Because Ben's people have been gassed enough". And yes, Ben is Jewish...

In the mornings, after my housekeeper meticulously makes my bed, I like to ride my Peloton bike in the window of my high rise and literally look down my nose at people.

I always high five black people

Because I don't want to leave them hanging.

Every time I meet someone new, my girlfriend gets a slap across the face.

I really need to stop high-fiving people.

I think I'm going to start taking helium

People are speaking very highly of it.

What do you call it when people line up well?

High queue-ality.

When reaching a high shelf, do you jump up to get it, or stand on a foldable tiered platform?

Because most people prefer the ladder.

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of s**..., and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

People ranked their favorite meats...but the survey was flawed and inconsequential.

The steaks weren't very high

A new book for stoners aspiring to greatness

7 Habits of Effectively High People

High school plays are a lot like airplanes.

People only want to hear about them if they c**... and burn.

There's a high proportion of people with ASD in scientific fields.

Autism causes vaccines.

Two guys meet up at a high school reunion

They start talking about people from their past.
"Hey, remember that flat chested girl Sam?"
"Oh yea, how she doing?"
"I just saw her like 15 minutes ago and now she's like this" - He holds his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled in.
"Oh, she got breast e**...?"
"No, she's got severe arthritis"

At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared

A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'

You know, I heard listening to Queen has been scientifically proven to give people autism.

Apparently because of the unusually high Mercury content.

Some people say they get runner's high...

I just get runner's OH GOD MY CHEST IS COLLAPSING I FEEL LIKE DEATH

As a high school student, people often ask me what I want to do a few years in the future.

I don't know. It's not like I have 2020 vision or anything.

I recently joined a support group for people who peaked in high school.

It's called Crossfit

What do you call it when two high people get in an argument?

A p**... roast.

Some people just need a high-five.

in the face... with a chair... twice.

Smoked a joint with royalty ...

Finally understood why people called him "your highness".

What do short people call something that's too high up?

Absolute zero, because it's impossible to reach

I don't get it, why do black people always call each other that?

I highly doubt that ALL of their names are Monica...

People who don't own televisions.

I'll never understand people acting all high and mighty because they don't watch tv. We get it, you're poor.

Have you heard about the high crime rate of pixelated people

It really needs a resolution

My siblings and I were home schooled growing up.

People always ask how my girlfriend and I met. I tell them we were high school sweethearts.

I was in the debate team in high school.

My best debate was about math. People still say I was the best math debater.

Why are people who hang out with mountaineers so successful?

They have friends in high places.

Every time my significant other asks me why people act weird when they hear we are high school sweethearts...

I tell her I have no idea. What... just because I'm her AP Bio teacher I'm supposed to know everything?

I was arguing with friends over what school weighed the most.

One friend said high schools because the kids are older and weigh more.
Another said definitely colleges, not only do the students weigh more than high school students, there's so many more people.
I said you're both wrong, it's definitely Catholic schools, they have more mass.

Mountains

I opened a m**... dispensary in the mountains, but it went out of business because people were too paranoid about being so high.

What do you call two people getting high together?

A joint venture.

People keep telling me that concussions are really bad for my health.

I can safely say that after three years of playing high school football, my Brian is working just fine!

On a high traffic road...

"Excuse me sir, could I have a moment"
Guy, driving a car "Yes, how can I help you?"
"There's a t**... attack recently, and they have held hostage many of our country's leaders. They demand 1 billion by the end of today or they will shower our leaders with gasoline and burn them"
"oh, ok then. How much do other people usually gave you?"
"1 litre"

People in Houston are bringing some retro styles back.

I heard high water pants are back in.

We should hang people with guitar strings

Then they could go out on a high note

People say "I'm high on life!" like that's safer than drugs

But everyone who's ever done life has died.

So i have this over the top gay friend..

He gets really screechy and table slappy when we watch hockey.
Slapping the table top and screeching in a high pitched feminine voice when his team scores a goal.
I wonder what in his past made him this way?
Was it caused by trauma?
Did he not get enough attention from his father?
Was he molested by his uncle?
Seriously people aren't just born Maple Leaf fans!

I once opened a pub in hopes of serving people alcohol. But no one could see over the counter.

I guess I set the bar too high.

The teletubbies are for everyone.

Small people and high people

How can Finland be one of the happiest countries in the world with such a high s**... rate?

All the miserable people kill themselves

Why can't short people become chefs?

Because it's a high steaks job

The more I think about it, maybe h**... wouldn't have been so upset..

If people stopped leaving him hanging for high-fives all the time..

Why was the high school dropout always so rude to people?

Because he didn't have any class.

A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly e**... s**....

Husband: "Sukitaki. Mojitaka!"
Wife replies: "Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!" Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"
Wife on her knees literally begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!"
Husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"
I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this. I don't know Japanese. People read anything as long as it's about s**....

It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions

Most of them have already had management training

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rocket scientist..

Nowadays, I just sell w**....
It's not too far off, though. I still get people very high.

Do people in Egypt call Cairo...

The Nile High City?

People say m**... makes you high

But I've not increased in height, only in width

Drunk people run stop signs.

High people wait for them to turn green.

I like my people like I like my memes...

high quality, original, and able to make me laugh and think!

I don't get why people make drinking and getting high such a big deal.

As long as you do both in equal amounts, being complete opposites, they'll cancel each other out!

Many people daydream about being on the top of Mount Everest,

It turns out they're already super high.

Recently, there was a cross contamination with a life cereal factory that's next to an edibles factory

Now I get why people are saying they're high on life.

While discussing different things people use to get high: Brother: How do you get high on mattresses?

Dad: You stack them up.

a joke by someone who was a maths teacher: how many people does it take to change a light bulb?.......

6 if there 3 ft dwarfs and the ceiling is 20ft high

jokes about high people